Sesshomaru goes to Pizza Hut and other tales
by Shadowxwolf
Summary: this was a random oneshot about Sesshomaru's meal in Pizza Hut, then people liked it and I had other ideas...a series of hilarious situations where I can take the mick out of everyone's favourite demon lord!
1. Sesshomaru goes to Pizza Hut

This is just a random thing i thought of in pizza hut yesterday...it's not that good so don't have high expectations; I just thought it was funny. Please rate and review!

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Sesshomaru left Ah-Un in the car park, in a space between a black sedan and a small blue Renault Clio.

'Now, Ah-Un, don't move from this spot, okay?' instructed Rin. 'We'll be right back, and if you're good, we'll being you some pizza!' Un growled with pleasure. Pizza was his favourite.

'Rin!' called a voice from the other side of the car park.

'Coming, Lord Sesshomaru' Rin cried merrily, checking Ah-Un once more to make sure it stayed put. As Rin ran across the road, a car driving towards her screeched on the brakes, stopping about five centimetres from where she had been. Sesshomaru heard the squeal of brakes and the driver's angry cursing. He frowned. What did he care if it was an accident? Someone had endangered Rin, and he would pay.

The driver's swearing was added to by the hiss of air erupting from all four of his tyres; the demon lord had used his whip of light to puncture them. Smiling to himself, Sesshomaru turned and guided a happy Rin through the doors of Pizza Hut.

Everyone in the vicinity of the door stopped talking/eating/making out immediately. While Rin had dressed sensibly in jeans and plain t-shirt, Sesshomaru remained in his usual kimono, armour, black boots, sash and fur decoration. His long silver hair, pointed ears, crescent shaped mark and golden eyes were gradually drawing attention to their little party. It didn't help that Tokijin and Tenseiga were still strapped at his side. And when Jacken entered carrying the Staff of Two Heads, all chance of going unnoticed went right out of the window. Not that Sesshomaru minded; he liked being the centre of attention and pretending it didn't bother him.

'A table for three,' he said smoothly to the nervous looking waiter behind the reception lecturn.

'Err, yes, certainly sir,' the waiter stuttered, eyeing Tokijin nervously. 'Err, would you like a booth?' Sesshomaru glanced down at Rin, who nodded her head energetically.

'That will be acceptable,' the demon lord assured elegantly.

The waiter led the way to the back of the restaurant, giving pleading looks to his colleagues for help, but everyone avoided his eyes.

'Sesshomaru!' the demon lord turned at the sound of his name. At the end of the aisle stood Inuyasha, his face covered with tomato sauce (he had just eaten spaghetti bolognaise). 'Sesshomaru!' the angry hanyou repeated, in his fighting pose. The demon lord regarded his brother coolly. He, like Sesshomaru, was dressed in his normal clothes, red hakama and hitoe, the Tetsaiga strapped to his belt; he hadn't even thought to put on shoes. Who knew what had accumulated on the bottom of them. Sesshomaru let the disgust show plainly on his face. 'What are you doing here?' Inuyasha roared, moving to draw his sword.

'Nice to see you too, little brother. Be assured, if it were not for Rin we would not be in this place, and if not for the tedium of it, I would not think twice about killing you here and now.' Sesshomaru turned with all the sophistication and elegance he could muster, and sat down at his table, ignoring Inuyasha and knowing it would annoy him terribly.

'Stand up and fight, Sesshomaru!' The demon lord rolled his eyes.

'Inuyasha,' he said sighingly, 'You ought to be careful. If you get any angrier, your face will merge with that spaghetti sauce smeared all over it. No doubt your blood is sullied enough already.'

'You take that back!'

'Make me.'

Kagome sighed.

'Inuyasha! Sit!' You would never be able to tell those two were brothers, not in a million years. By now the manager himself had come to the restaurant to see what was going on, but, seeing the situation already diffused, and with a fearful glance at Sesshomaru, he quickly departed for Ibiza.

The waiter who had shown Sesshomaru to his table had quietly sneaked away in the distraction, and now was having a fierce and whispered argument with the rest of the waiting staff as to who would go near him.

'No way am I going within ten feet of that guy! Or his psycho brother!' the waiter hissed. None of the others seemed too eager about it either. For the while they had placated the demon lord with a glass of finest house red, a coke and colouring crayons for the little girl with him, and a fresh orange juice for the _thing._ At the other table, the guy in red was busy scoffing his way trough the menu, his friend carrying the jingling staff was molesting every waitress that walked past, and the two girls with them were trying to look inconspicuous. Fat chance.

Just at that moment, the doors of Pizza Hut opened. The waiters' lives were saved.

'Lazuli! You like demon lords, don't you?' the head waiter asked desperately.

'…….' replied Lazuli. All the waiters were crowding round her, hope brimming in their eyes. She couldn't help but be a little overwhelmed.

'See that guy over there, Lazuli? He's a demon lord called Sesshomaru,' a waitress called Cara pointed out. _He's hot, _thought Lazuli, watching Sesshomaru take a delicate sip of his wine. 'And that one's his brother. Me and Rio think he's hiding something underneath that baseball cap,' her friend continued, 'how would you like to wait on both of their tables?' There was something frantic in Cara's voice that Lazuli couldn't place. _He's kinda hot too, _she thought, _but that Sesshomaru is way hotter._

'Well, that's settled then,' said Rio, thrusting a notebook and pencil into Lazuli's hands, 'off you go!' and with a collective push the waitress was thrust out into Sesshomaru's vicinity, daunted by the task ahead of her.

Meanwhile, Rin was busy looking at the menu, which was quite interesting, since she didn't know how to read. She had finished with the little colouring book provided by the restaurant. Inuyasha was throwing hackies (evil looks) at his half brother, while munching his way through the largest meat monster Pizza Hut possessed, and Sesshomaru responded by pretending Inuyasha wasn't there; he shielded his view with his own copy of the menu.

'Milord, why don't we just leave?' Jacken asked. 'You don't have to put yourself through being in the same vicinity as that hanyou, if you don't want to.'

'Jacken, do not forget that it is Rin's birthday next week. She wished to come to pizza hut –' _although I would have preferred the Ritz _'- and so we must oblige her.' Rin beamed at the demon lord and began drawing a portrait of him with her excellent quality red, blue and green crayons; he returned it with a small, kindly smile. For him it was a milestone.

The waitress called Lazuli walked up, ignoring the worried looks of her 'friends'. Honestly, you'd think she was going to be eaten alive.

'Are you ready to order yet?' she asked politely. Sesshomaru consulted Rin for a second.

'No, not yet, come back in five minutes or so.' He gazed up with those golden eyes of his, straight into Lazuli's green ones.

'Ok, then.' She sprinted as slowly as possible back to Cara.

'I can't do this!' she wailed, pretending to sort out the till.

'Why ever not?' Cara asked, 'You're not scared of him, are you?'

Lazuli looked appalled. 'Moi, scared? You must be joking! It's just…'

'Just what?'

'He's too hot.' Lazuli blushed crimson. Cara blinked.

'You're kidding me?'

Lazuli's eye twitched. 'He has a sword, long silver hair, and golden eyes; what do you think?' Cara wisely backed off from the conversation.

Inuyasha had now finished his meat feast pizza.

'How come you didn't tell me about this place before, Kagome?' he said. Kagome was to busy trying to convince everybody that she had never met the half demon in her life before to notice. Sango and Miroku were doing likewise. Suddenly, a waitress appeared next to their table.

'Can I get you anything else?' she asked politely. Miroku was the first to react to this pretty new waitress and gave her his usual line. Next minute he was sitting outside Pizza Hut with a black eye and sodden clothes (it had begun to rain). Sango couldn't help but be impressed. Inuyasha, meanwhile, had been eyeing the ice cream factory in the corner. He ordered one of those.

Lazuli went back to Sesshomaru's table, trying not to blush too much. If he suspected, she could always say she had just emigrated from Antarctica and found it too warm.

'Are you ready to order yet?' she asked politely. Again.

'Yes please,' replied Rin. 'I'll have one of those –' she jabbed the menu '- one of those, and that.' Lazuli scribbled shorthand on a piece of paper.

'And you sir?' she asked Sesshomaru. Once again the demon lord looked at her.

'I am not hungry,' he said. _His voice is so hot._

Inuyasha broke Lazuli's gawking. He had somehow managed to get his hair caught in the ice cream machine. Unfortunately, all of the other waiters were too scared to help him.

'Would you excuse me for a second?' Lazuli sighed in exasperation. How could someone get caught in the ice cream factory? Even three year olds managed to avoid it. On top of that, Inuyasha had somehow managed to switch the machine on, but couldn't turn it off again. Ice cream was going everywhere, and the half demon was covered in it.

'Kagome! Get this thing off me!' he screamed. 'It must be a demon in disguise; it must be trying to steal the Tetsaiga!' Kagome sighed. _I am not with him._ Lazuli tried to help, but the hanyou lashed out, refusing all help. He started kicking the machine but only got himself more entangled. _This is going to cost us a fortune_.

Sesshomaru watched all of this unfold with detached amusement. Only his half brother could manage to do such an idiotic thing. At first he decided just to watch, it entertained Rin and only let the truth be known about Inuyasha: he was a complete numbskull. But then there was the waitress, trying vainly to stop him thrashing, an impossible task.

By now, the ice cream factory was being pummelled by Inuyasha. The ice cream mixture was spurting everywhere, including on Sesshomaru. That was the final straw.

'Inuyasha!' the demon lord said, his quiet voice resonating with power. A metaphorical thundercloud appeared over his head. Everyone stopped. 'Have you any idea how much this outfit cost me? Or how much it is going to cost to get these ice cream stains out?' Duh-Duh-Duh!

Inuyasha somehow extricated himself from the ice cream factory, and drew Tetsaiga. The customers and waiters all his behind their chairs. Only Lazuli was left standing.

'Time out!' she cried, dashing in between them, 'this is no way to solve anything!'

'Out of the way human, or I will be forced to kill you as well,' was Sesshomaru's reply. What a mistake that was.

'If you dare do that, I will only come back as a ghost and plague you for all eternity. Just think about that,' Lazuli growled, rounding on the demon lord. 'You need to arm wrestle for it. If Sesshomaru wins, Inuyasha has to pay for his laundry, and if Inuyasha wins, well…we'll sort that out if we come to it.'

'Don't you think I'll win?' Inuyasha cried, hysterical. His older brother smiled, already putting away Tokijin. It was his dangerous face and Inuyasha didn't feel very safe without Tetsaiga.

'3, 2, 1 – begin!' Lazuli said. The two brothers were locked in a deadly arm wrestle, the younger straining and growling with exertion, but Sesshomaru's face was as smooth as usual. He was obviously going to win. Everyone scarpered for m the building, except for Lazuli and Kagome, who were refereeing.

The night ended with a grumpy Kagome paying lord Sesshomaru for his laundry (Inuyasha was broke); the hanyou in question was on kitchen detail for destroying the ice cream factory, and to pay for the meal because Kagome refused to do it. He was grumbling about, well, everything. Kagome, Sesshomaru, not being able to use Tetsaiga, Kagome, and indigestion.

'Inuyasha –sit boy!' the hanyou crashed to the ground in a wash of soap suds and water

'Where did you get that?' Lazuli asked in awe.

'From priestess Kaede,' Kagome replied.

'I gotta get me one of those,' came the reply.


	2. Sesshomaru goes to a mall

**This was originally a oneshot...but people liked it and I got other ideas anyway...so here it is, just Sesshomaru & co. on a Saturday afternoon in the 21st century...**

**Here we go!**

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This time Ah-Un was left tethered to the bike racks next to the bus station, on account of the fact that two weeks before it had scratched the paint of a black Sedan and a blue Renault Clio. It was unfortunate, but the owners of said cars hadn't reappeared until after Rin had flown off on her two headed dragon creature.

The shopping centre was huge, three floored and full of mortals. Once again the demon lord had dispensed with subtleties, choosing to accompany Rin in all his fluffy armoured glory. And people were staring. Again. There was a metal detector just inside the door, to prevent people bringing in guns and knives and shooting up the place. Naturally, Tokijin and Tenseiga set all the alarms wailing.

'Hold it!' the guard shouted, 'you can't go in there with those swords!' Sesshomaru turned; slowly, menacingly. It would have been wise for the guard to start running, quickly, but of course, he was paid to stop nutters like that. Of course, that isn't something you would say to Sesshomaru's face…or his back, or anywhere within his earshot.

'Put your weapons down, you can have them back when you leave,' the guard stuttered. Sesshomaru just looked at him in that way which says quite plainly _don't mess with me, sonny-Jim_. His hand reached to Tokijin. The guard finally got the message and saluted smartly. 'I'll make an exception for you, you obviously aren't a nutter.'

There was a reason that they had come shopping; Rin wanted some new perfume because there was a human boy she fancied but hadn't told Sesshomaru about yet. That would be fun. The trio walked up to Boots, but Sesshomaru didn't go inside because his eyes were already watering from the overpowering cosmetic smell. A demon's senses are so much better than a human's, after all. So he sent Jacken instead.

Rin streaked over to the perfume section, crossing the thick miasma of scents that hung above the entire shop. Poor Jacken followed her inside, but did get far, because at that moment was accosted by one of the beauticians stationed by the entrance

'Excuse me, ma'am, but you look like you've had a trying day, why don't you come and sit at my table, and we'll talk while I give you a nice makeover,' she squeaked, grabbing Jacken's puny wrist and dragging him to her work table. Lord Sesshomaru's retainer was insulted.

'How dare you call me a woman!' he pipped. 'I am Jacken, the retainer of the demon lord Sesshomaru of the Western lands!' but the beautician wasn't listening.

Meanwhile, Lord Sesshomaru was wandering aimlessly through the shopping centre. He passed by Hot Topic, Topshop, and River Island without a second glance, chuckling to himself about the whimsical fashion sense of mortals. He could see people everywhere wearing things that were so similar. But then he saw an Ann Summers store; he hadn't seen anyone wearing any of those clothes. He wondered what everyone was giggling about as they walked past; all he was doing was examining the contents of the shop window. No, not his style: too feminine.

As Sesshomaru rounded a corner into the food court, he caught a familiar scent, but couldn't place it. Lazuli and her work colleagues were hanging around, sipping cokes. Since Inuyasha practically destroyed Pizza Hut, all four of them had been out of work. Cara supposed they should be looking for a new job, but to be honest, they just couldn't be bothered at the minute.

'Hey, Lazuli! Look, it's your demon boyfriend!' Cara joked. The ex-waitress turned, seeing Sesshomaru walking past them to Millie's Cookies. She flatly refused that he was her boyfriend; after all, all she had done was take his order and referee an arm wrestling match.

'Shall we stalk him?' she suggested. They had nothing else worthwhile to do.

'Ok'.

By now, Jacken was on to having a manicure. The makeover had done wonders for his imp features. His skin had turned nice and tanned, his eyelids powdered with blue eye-shadow, and red lipstick plastered his beak. On looking at his reflection, he had to marvel at the transformation. The beautician had even managed to find Jacken a wig from somewhere. At the minute she was painting Jacken's nails bright fuschia, and he was thoroughly enjoying the experience. Rin came running up.

'Master Jacken! I'm so glad I found you! I've been looking all _over!_ What have you done to yourself?' Rin looked questioningly at Sesshomaru's retainer.

'Do you like it?' Jacken asked, fluttering his new mascara clad eyelashes. Rin beamed.

'I have the perfume I wanted, Master Jacken,' she stated, showing him a bottle of DKNY, can we go now? I wanted to show it to Lord Sesshomaru.'

'Of course, Rin.' He turned to the crowd of beauticians now crowding him. 'Sorry ladies, but I'm gonna have to go.' The beauticians all whimpered at the loss of their favourite customer. The queue was growing behind Jacken though, so in fear of losing their jobs, they couldn't waste much time grieving.

As for Jacken and Rin, they forgot to pay for the perfume. An alarm rang somewhere and Rin ducked down behind Jacken. In panic, the imp activated the Staff of Two Heads, showering the burly security guard with flame. More guards came and slammed the imp against the door of Boots. He put up one hell of a fight, but three six foot, three foot wide ex wrestler against one pipsqueak is a pretty much one-sided battle.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was being stalked. He had bought a chocolate chip cookie, just to find out why humans held such sustenance in high regard. It tasted good. He bought another one. And another one. Then he tried white chocolate chip. Then he looked round, sure somebody was following him.

Lazuli quickly withdrew her head round the side of the escalator.

'I didn't know demons eat cookies,' she mused, watching Sesshomaru brushing cookie crumbs from his kimono.

'Maybe he's not a demon after all?' Cara asked.

'No, he's definitely a demon, I can see his ears…and his kick-ass sword.' Neither of the two noticed a shadow growing around the mobile stall they had hidden behind. As a cover they had bought ice creams.

'But what would a demon be ding eating cookies?'

'Maybe he likes cookies?'

'Who ever heard of a demon who liked cookies? Hey, Lazuli, check and see if he's still there,' Cara instructed. Her friend looked around the corner of the stall; and blanched. Sesshomaru wasn't there.

'Umm…Cara?'

'Lazuli –' they murmured at the same time.

'He's gone –'

'He's _here!'_

Lazuli turned, slowly, hoping that Cara was playing an April Fools' trick. Unfortunately, it was July. Sesshomaru stood above them, imperative, one hand on Tokijin.

'Are you following me?' he asked. Lazuli giggled in an hysteric way quite unlike her.

'Nope, not at all. I was just here with my fr-' Cara had disappeared. 'My friend, who was here about five nanoseconds ago…' the demon lord smiled his sadistic, Sesshomaru smile.

'She seems very loyal,' he muttered, his hand reaching towards Tokijin. Lazuli crossed herself, despite being atheist. What Sessomaru pulled out of his pocket was the stangest weapon she had ever seen. It was a bag of Millie's Cookies cookies.

'Do you want one?' he asked. Lazuli was taken aback.

'You aren't going to kill me then?' the ice cream stains were still visible on his kimono, but only if you looked really carefully. Now there were cookie crumbs there as well. But, she thought, I did get Inuyasha to pay for the laundry.

At that precise moment, a small figure rushed up and flung itself so hard into Sesshomaru that he lost his balance and fell over. It was quite funny to watch him flying through the air like a swan – and landing like a white clad sack of potatoes.

'Lord Sesshomaru!' It was Rin. 'Lord Sesshomaru! Some big men came and pinned Jacken to a wall and took him off to be interrogated! We have to go and rescue him!'

The demon lord sighed. He left his retainer for five minutes –well, seven to be precise – and he managed to get himself arrested. He stood up, eye twitching; it was the second time that day he had been laughed at, and he was not used to the experience. Despite the sniggers, the growing crowd gave him a wide berth; nobody really had the gall to argue with a demon lord.

'Lead the way, Rin.'

Rin set off at a run, pursued by Sesshomaru, and…

'What are you doing following me?' the demon lord scowled. Lazuli was running next to him.

'Err…' a reply mentioning cookies passed through the ex-waitress's head, but dismissed it for self-preservation issues.

Jacken was being held in a small concrete cell. Across the imposing table from him sat a man in unnecessary sunglasses, and behind him a police officer with a big gun and a handcuff around the Staff of Two Heads. Sesshomaru, being in the mood for theatrics, summoned the giant green demon thing that Rin had christened 'Bob', and used it to blow a hole in the side of the cell. The guard standing next to the Staff of Two Heads took one look at the giant demon thing called Bob and went to join the Pizza Hut manager in Ibiza. The guy in shades said 'hey!', but that was it, since Bob was enduring PMS at that particular moment and took its anger out on the little guy.

'Come on Jacken, Rin has her perfume, and I have discovered a delightful human pastime,' the demon lord ordered in that cold voice that Lazuli found so hot. 'Get off me, Lazuli,' he added; the waitress had attached herself to his ankle. Rin giggled. Lazuli let go with a sad puppy look on her face, and moped off glumly. Sesshomaru didn't buy it.

Well, that's the end…well, almost.

Ah-Un had managed to get loose from the bicycle stand, and after finding great sport in chasing the regular and punctual buses, it decided to go exploring, snapping at any passer by it fancied. Sesshomaru finally caught up with the creature trying to get a ticket for the London Underground. He had to pay a £50 for wasting police time.

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**So that was Sesshomaru's venture into what we mortals call a shopping centre...**

**If you guys want more of this, I'd appreciate ideas in case I ever run out...**

**Thanks!**

**Shadowxwolf**


	3. Sesshomaru's holiday, part 1

Hello again! This is chapter 3! Thanks go to KyosBeads13 for this idea...twill be funny...

As usual I own nothing of the Inuyasha universe, which unfortunately means I do not own Sesshomaru, because it would be fun to torment him 24/7...

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A quick note on characters:

Lord Sesshomaru - totally hot demon lord

Jacken - Sesshomaru's imp servant thing -never give him coffee

Rin - Sesshomaru's cute ward who everybody loves

Lazuli - Sesshomaru's stalker and main antagonist among the human world

Cara - Lazuli's best friend and fellow ex Pizza Hut employee

Sally - Lazuli's sister and main informant of Sesshomaru's whereabouts

Everyone else- humans employed by moi to annoy Sesshomaru

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Sesshomaru needed a break. The incident at Pizza Hut, the creepy stalker girl Lazuli and then Jacken being arrested for assaulting a security guard meant that he really needed a holiday. That meant taking Ah-Un. But unfortunately, Ah-Un had sprained two ankles from chasing all those people outside the shopping centre. Which meant that he would have to catch a plane instead.

What fun.

As the plane was due to take off at about 10 o'clock, Sesshomaru arrived at Heathrow at 7:30 to check in his luggage. The girl at the check-in desk was very, very bored, and to entertain herself, she liked irritating customers. She giggled slightly at the sight of Sesshomaru carrying Rin's pink flowery bag, then told the demon lord his bags were too large to fit in the cargo hold; then when he shrank them before her eyes, she claimed they were too heavy anyway. Of course, this made Sesshomaru quite annoyed, and nobody gets away with annoying a demon lord. His left eye twitched as he reached for Tokijin.

''Never mind! I'm sure we can make an exception!' she stammered, typing hastily on her keyboard. 'Now, if I can have your passports, please?'

'Passports?' the demon lord obviously didn't have or need one.

'Yes,' the check-in-desk girl (whose name tag read "Sally") said, warily eyeing the demon lord's coldly blank look.

'I have no need of one, and neither do Jacken or Rin.'

'I'm afraid you do…you see, you might be a terrorist otherwise,' Sally explained.

'Do I look like a terrorist?' Sally eyed Tokijin and Tenseiga and thought it best not to answer that.

'You really need passports,' she insisted instead. Sesshomaru leaned closer, and glared at Sally with cold golden eyes. _My sister Lazuli would really find this guy hot,_ she thought.

'We do NOT need passports!' he said in an extremely Sesshomaru-like way. Sally thought it best just to let him win and relented.

'That is good for you,' the demon lord replied in a very Sesshomaru-like way. The check-in-desk girl pointed them to customs. They went through a bright corridor floored with strange smelling carpet tiles that made Sesshomaru dizzy. They reached the end of a very long queue that was removing its belongings and systematically stepping through the metal detectors. Sesshomaru couldn't be bothered to wait in line. So he pushed his way to the front, and Whip-of-Light-ed any who disagreed. He had been made to get up really early and was in a bad mood.

A security guard instructed the trio to put their belongings in a tray and step through the metal detector. Jacken placed the Staff of Two Heads on the conveyor belt, Rin removed various items from her pockets: a mobile phone, ipod, change, cough drops, an empty bubblegum wrapper, a small toy from MacDonalds, and several other things that made even the demon lord look bewildered (which, as we all know, doesn't happen very often). Sesshomaru reluctantly parted with Tokijin.

Several things went wrong. The EMP of the scanner set off the Staff of Two Heads, and flames erupted from the end of the scanner like them mouth of some great demon, causing the sprinklers to turn on. Sesshomaru stopped the fire before it could spread, so the building didn't have to be evacuated. The Staff was presently confiscated.

The next problem came when Sesshomaru stepped through the metal detector; his armour set it off.

'If you could just step to one side, sir?' instructed the guard, 'And hold your arms out to the side.' Sesshomaru had never been frisked before, and didn't take kindly to it. The look of incredulous rage soon made the guard give the demon lord the all clear. 'I'm afraid you can't take those as hand luggage,' he pointed to Tokijin and Tenseiga, 'They'll have to go in the cargo hold.' Sesshomaru looked murderous, but relented.

'If I find it damaged in any way,' he warned in a very Sesshomaru-like way, 'I will kill you.'

Then Rin was hungry. She wanted a danish while they waited for the plane. Sesshomaru got her one, and got some cookies for himself, in his favourite flavour of white chocolate chip. Jacken settled with a cup of Starbucks coffee, something which he had never tried before. Big mistake.

It took half an hour for Sesshomaru to peel his retainer off the departure lounge ceiling, during which time he had managed to practically destroy the duty-free WH Smith's, upturn all the lounge chairs, knock out two people, and thoroughly get on his master's nerves. The last was obviously the worst.

'Remind me never to give you caffeine again,' he muttered, watching Jacken stumble around with a large lump growing out of his forehead. Rin was giggling madly.

'The 10:03 to Dubai is now boarding at Gate 3,' a voice announced over an intercom.

'Come, Jacken, Rin.'

Everyone gave the three a wide berth, and let them go first to board the 747. there was another argument about passports.

'The girl at the check-in-desk said I didn't need one,' Sesshomaru growled, the tick going in his cheek again, obviously annoyed. Why did humans go on holiday if it was this much hassle? 'What is the point of them anyway?'

'They are so we can tell who you are,' the girl at this desk explained timidly.

'You should know who I am, mortal!' He was really angry now. 'I am Lord Sesshomaru of the Western Lands, daiyoukai and son of the great Inu no Taisho!'

'If you're going to behave like that, I'll have security escort you from the building,' the girl replied smoothly.

'Please, Lord Sesshomaru,' pleaded Rin from somewhere around the demon lord's knee, 'I've been looking forward to this all summer!'

The demon lord looked down at his ward and almost smiled. 'For the sake of Rin I will spare your life.'

When they were finally seated on the plane, Jacken was overawed by the size of the cabin and the televisions in the back of the seats, Rin was squealing with excitement, and Sesshomaru complained about the amount of leg room. He had forgotten to book business class tickets. To make matters worse, a woman with a toddler was sitting behind the demon lord, and a very tired traveller was in front. While the kid screamed, the guy in front leaned his chair right back, giving Sesshomaru even less room to get comfortable. His eye started twitching again.

The guy in front began to snore.

'All right, that's it!' Sesshomaru would have lashed out with his poison claws then and there if Rin hadn't stopped him.

'No, Lord Sesshomaru, you mustn't!' and she preceded to explain all about the physics of cabin pressure at high altitude, the demon lord looking blank as it all washed five feet over his head.

'Very well, Rin,' he finally conceded, sitting back down.

A voice called over the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be taking off shortly, so please fasten your seatbelts, turn off all electrical devices and put your seats in the upright position-'

'That means you,' Sesshomaru growled at the guy in front.

'-the cabin crew will shortly demonstrate the safety notices.' The intercom pinged off.

Far away, at the other end of the terminal building, Sally was on the phone to somebody. 'Hey, Lazuli, guess what?'

* * *

I was hardly going to leave Lazuli out, now was I?

So, there we go, this is a two-part chapter, and I will try and get the next up ASAP...As before, all reviews are welcome, as are ideas for how I can annoy everyone's favourite demon lord...evil grin


	4. Sesshomaru's holiday, part2

Here it is guys! the second part in what is now a three part plot! thanks to all those of you who reviewed, it really brightens up my day!

* * *

The hostess stood at the front of the plane with one of those smiles plastered on her face that you know means she'd rather be somewhere else. A life jacket was around her neck, and at that precise moment she was demonstrating the tiny whistle and microscopic torch attached. _I will not be wearing one of those,_ Sesshomaru thought absent-mindedly, _it would clash terribly with what I'm wearing. _Then he growled and pummelled his own fist as if it was his little brother; the ice cream stains still hadn't come out.

A voice spoke over the intercom. 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain; the cabin crew will now be completing the pre-flight checks as we taxi, then we'll be cleared for take off. Next stop: Dubai.' The intercom clicked off and the air hostesses could be seen stalking the aisles looking for stray bits of luggage or idiots without seatbelts on. When one, a bright eyed brunette, stopped by Sesshomaru's seat, he pointedly ignored her, engrossed in the duty free catalogue he had found in the pouch in front of his seat.

'Excuse me sir?' the hostess asked, her smile dazzling.

'Yes?' he replied curtly, not looking up. There was an interesting sale on slippers on page three.

'Were you aware that animals are not allowed in the cabin?' That made the demon lord glance up. Was she daring to refer to _him?_

'What do you mean?' he asked in a very deadly, Sesshomaru-like way. Then he realised who she was looking at: Jacken. The imp in question looked thunderstruck. He was so angry he was spluttering incoherently. The demon lord gazed steadily at the hostess, whose smile understandably faltered as she unconsciously backed away. Finally, he spoke.

'Jacken is my vassal, and is far more use here than in the cargo hold, where you have placed other objects belonging to me which would similarly be far more use by my side.' His eyes flashed and the hostess really backed off now, saved by the captain's message of 'Cabin crew take your seats, please.'

Rin watched out of the window, jigging up and down in her seat with excitement as only small children could. Jacken was still fuming about being referred to as an animal, sulking with arms folded and little legs dangling over the edge of the light blue upholstery. Sesshomaru composed himself, looking fully regal despite being squashed between a snoring backpacker and that toddler who had begun to wail again.

The plane spun to face the runway. The engines revved. Everyone was thrown back in their seats – Jacken was bowled heels over head by the force, because he had been sitting on the very edge of his – as the plane began to hurtle towards the open sky. Sesshomaru's knuckles suddenly went very white as they gripped the armrests, his face looking straight ahead fixed in an expression of barely controlled panic. Sesshomaru was scared of flying! Rin in contrast, was whooping with joy.

As the front wheels took off, the demon lord was sure the tail would scrape into the ground, or the whole thing would fall back to earth, or just fall apart. The plane climbed steadily, and still the demon lord clasped the armrests as though his life depended on it. Jacken had recovered, slightly cross-eyed, a large green bump now appearing on his forehead.

'Isn't this fun, Lord Sesshomaru?' Rin squeaked from her window seat, watching the sprawling city of London shrinking steadily beneath them. Sesshomaru looked slightly green and did not speak.

The plane levelled out and the demon lord relaxed, although now his head hurt because of the altitude pressure. The compression on his eardrums made it difficult to hear properly.

'What did you say, Rin?' he half shouted, glaring when people started looking at him funny. The child behind was similarly afflicted, and now was having a major tantrum, not only screaming, but kicking the back of the chair in front…which was Jacken's.

'This…is…not…funny' he pouted between kicks. Rin was sniggering.

After a few minutes, one of the attendants came round with a trolley, handing out refreshments. There was the same problem with the cabin crew as with the Pizza Hut staff: everyone was too afraid of Sesshomaru to go anywhere near him. Unfortunately, there was no Lazuli here this time to help them out, so they drew lots as to who would serve the demon lord his refreshments. The blonde now standing before Sesshomru had drawn the short straw.

'Tea, sir? Coffee?' she asked apprehensively. Jacken perked up at the mention of coffee.

'You are not having coffee Jacken,' Sesshomaru said sternly. So Jacken ordered a sprite instead, Rin got a coke, and Sesshomaru asked for the house wine. They had some on the trolley, but he would have to pay for it. The impertinence. 'Very well,' he sniffed in a very regal and Sesshomaru-like way, 'I will have a Lichton's ice tea.' The hostess was just handing him his beverage when the plane bumped unexpectedly, and the ice tea was spilled all over the demon lord, right next to the ice cream stains.

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing a slight bit of turbulence,' the captain announced belatedly over the intercom. Sesshomaru's passive aggression evaporated the spilled drink quite effectively; the cup had landed neatly, half full, on top of his head. Rin giggled again.

'You will pay for the dry-cleaning bill and the small fortune of shampoo I will have to purchase to get this mess out of my hair,' he whispered, glaring at the flight attendant. She was ineffectively trying to dab the stains off his armour wit a spare bit of tissue paper. She gave him another one and a complimentary packet of peanuts, very poor exchange, he thought. He paid no attention to them, sipping his ice tea in a very dignified fashion, despite still having a white plastic cup perched on his head.

Jacken tried the peanuts. They had been salted and were quite tasty, but then….

'Master Jacken!' cried Rin, in great distress. 'What's wrong? You're turning blue!' it turned out Jacken was allergic to peanuts. Sesshomaru merely thought he was choking, so slapped him on the back, sending him into the chair in front. But it didn't work, and Jacken was indeed turning a brilliant shade of cerulean.

'Help me!' he choked. It was lucky Rin was there, because Sesshomaru didn't know what to do. She pressed the assistance button and a stewardess came walking sedately o see what the matter was.

'What seems to be the problem?' she asked politely. It was a bit obvious. 'Ah, right.' She hurried away.

'Well that was a great help,' Sesshomaru pronounced sarcastically. Meanwhile, Jacken was turning turquoise.

It seemed though, that the hostess was a great help. Her voice echoed over the intercom, requesting any passengers who had eppi-pens to come forward. First in line was a frail looking girl with black hair and very thick glasses, the stereotype for sick people. Her eppi-pen let Jacken breathe, and he grovelled before her, saying thankyou again and again and again and again and again and –

'Jacken!'

The demon lord's retainer cringed and apologised again and again and again and again –

'Jacken!' this time it was the girl. She found the imp irresistible cute, and asked if he wanted to sit next to her. Jacken accepted because Sesshomaru said he could if he wanted, and he wanted to get up and stretch his legs. He waddled down the aisle after the girl, went behind a curtain and into first class.

'Don't give him coffee!' Sesshomaru called after them.

It was a little while after this that Sesshomaru discovered the delights of playing connect 4 on the little computer in the head rest. Rin was watching The Lion King and singing along to the songs, but occasionally played against him. She won both times.

They brought dinner round on a bigger trolley than the one that had brought drinks. Somehow, the hostess managed to run over Sesshomaru's foot. The attendant saw his very Sesshomaru-like glare and quickly rectified the problem.

'Would you like the chicken or the pasta?' she asked politely, 'bearing in mind we only have the chicken left.' Sesshomaru was not amused. He chose the chicken.

Meanwhile, in first class…..

Jacken didn't care about coffee any more. He had discovered champagne. It turned out the girl with the eppi-pen was a top partner in an international business, and so flew frequently all over the world. The cabin crew knew her well, and treated Jacken to whatever he fancied. It included chocolate, Red Bull and a very squashy cushion to sit on. One of the flight attendants had provided him with a children's colouring book not unlike those found in Pizza Hut, and he drew little simple pictures to tell the story of him, rin and Lord Sesshomaru. For dinner he chose the pasta.

Sesshomaru was wondering where his retainer had got to. So he decided to stretch his legs and walk down the length of the plane.

'Stay here, Rin,' he instructed.

It was difficult for the demon lord to walk down the constrained aisle of economy class. In places he had to walk sideways where mortals had fallen asleep with their heads lolling over their shoulders. Sesshomaru scowled in disgust at the drool. There was another problem: bored children. Some hassled their parents, others played games on the headrest playstations, but one was a bit more vindictive than the rest. As Sesshomaru passed him, bending around an extremely fat person, the kid stuck out his leg. The resounding crash and ensuing Japanese swear words could be heard throughout the plane.

Sesshomaru jumped up, snarling. His eyes had turned red and the boy was now dangling about five feet off the floor.

Fortunately for said kid, Inuyasha had decided he needed a break, and Kagome had wanted to go to Dubai. He was sitting three rows in front, and when he smelled his brother…well, it was like a red flag to a bull.

'Sesshomaru!'

The demon lord rolled his eyes. 'Not you,' he groaned.

'Put the kid down,' Inuyasha growled, trying to look tough. His hand went to Tetsaiga (which, incidentally, wasn't there, because it had been confiscated at the airport).

'Inuyasha, are you so stupid?' the demon lord questioned, and continued to explain the physics of air compression at altitude. It went five miles over the half-demon's head.

Then Sesshomaru remembered he was meant to be looking for Jacken, so put the child down and continued to first class as if nothing had happened.

Jacken meanwhile, was desperate for the toilet.

'There's one over there,' said the kind girl who had saved his life. So he went. The toilet was too big for him, and when he flushed it, the vacuum sucked him down so he was stuck. He struggled and struggled, but there was no way for him to escape. The captain announced through the intercom that they would be landing in five minutes. That got the imp panicking.

'If only Lord Sesshomaru was here to rescue me!' he wailed.

'I shouldn't have to be, Jacken, said a cool and very Sesshomaru-like voice from above – Lord Sesshomaru!

The demon lord hoiked Jacken from the vacuum toilet.

'Pull your pants up, Jacken, I have no wish to see Thomas the Tank Engine.'

The plane landed five minutes later, Rin once again screeching with excitement, and Sesshomaru gripping the armrests very tightly. And so began their holiday in Dubai.

* * *

Lazuli had rushed to the airport at the news. True, she should really try to be getting a new job, but there was an opening at the local cinema which she had applied for, and she wouldn't get the results for a few weeks…the perfect excuse to have a holiday.

* * *

Ha! I'm so cruel...oh well

Please R&R! as usual any suggestions are welcome

Shadowxwolf


	5. Sesshomaru's holiday, part 3

So everyone, I'm back! This is the final installment of Sesshomaru's holiday, and because of that it is a very looooong chapter - I made it this way so that it wouldn't become a story in itself

Enjoy!

* * *

Day 1

Sesshomaru disembarked the plane like an Arab prince, and all the reporters started flocking to him, but turned around when they saw he wasn't one. It was stiflingly hot outside the plane, and Jacken could audibly be heard sizzling as they made their way across the airfield to the terminal building.

They only just got through passport control, because they had no passports and because the guy on security insisted he see the permit Sesshomaru had for importing exotic animals. Once again, Jacken was not amused.

At baggage reclaim, Sesshomaru sent Jacken to get a luggage trolley. Jacken went, but seeing as though the trolleys were quite a bit bigger than him, he couldn't control it properly, and on the way back to Sesshomaru he managed to knock over a sweet stand, a group of nuns newly arrived from California, and the pilot that had flown them from Heathrow. When Sesshomaru saw him, he was covered in jelly beans.

The notice board that told passengers where to reclaim their luggage was only in Arabic, so Sesshomaru couldn't understand it at all, though he kept on looking. It was Rin who found the English sign.

They went to conveyor belt 3 and waited for their stuff. Rin's bag came first, its pink floweryness visible from the other side of the room. Sesshomaru let his ward get it, because he was too worried about his precious Tokijin and Tenseiga to do anything else. Jacken was similarly anxious about the Staff of Two Heads. Because Sesshomaru would pound him if anything had happened to it. When Rin reached the conveyor belt, another girl stood beside her, waiting for her bag. She snatched up Rin's pink suitcase and went back to her parents. She was blonde and small. Rin didn't like to be rude, but she did like her bag.

'Excuse me,' she said, 'but that's my bag.'

The other girl was snooty. 'No it isn't, it's mine.' And she stalked off, nose in the air.

'Are you sure? My bag looks like that too.'

'I'm sure,' the girl sniffed.

Rin was getting annoyed now. 'Why don't you check?'

'Because I know I'm right.'

That was it. Rin had spent too long around Sesshomaru, and I had rubbed off in an alarming way. She launched herself on the girl, and wrestled the suitcase from her grasp. The girl went and wailed at her parents.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru had seen Tokijin. He parted the crowd easily enough, and when he picked up his beloved sword it was like watching a slow motion moment in a romantic comedy. He drew it from its sheath and examined the blade. There were no new nicks or kinks in the steel, but just in case – In one mighty sweep he felled the elderly nuns who had come looking for revenge on the small imp that had caused them to show their bloomers to the world.

'Everything seems to be in order,' he said casually, tucking the sword into his sash. Now for Tenseiga.

Across the other side of the room Rin was now defending her suitcase from the girl's attacks. She hadn't been able to find her parents so had returned. She was good at bitch-fighting for a nine-year-old, but Rin was good at proper fighting, which is far more dangerous. The girl was pulling Rin's hair and Rin was punching the girl, so all that could be heard was the very high pitched squeaks of rage and pain coming from both of them. A circle had gathered round, mostly cheering them on. Some were trying to break it up, but were failing miserably. And several Arabs were taking bets on who would win. Sesshomaru would have intervened, but he was too busy being arrested for murdering nuns in front of witnesses.

'But I can bring them back to life, I swear!' he protested as they slapped the handcuffs on him.

'Sure you can, buddy,' replied the security guard with a strange accent that was a mixture of Arabic and American.

At that moment, Tenseiga appeared on the conveyor belt. The demon lord lunged for it in a very un-Sesshomaru-like way, grabbed it, and brought the nuns back to life. The security guy looked most disappointed.

'I guess you're free to go,' he muttered. The demon lord gave him a very Sesshomaru-like glare and stalked away to break up the fight.

He held Rin aloft in one hand, the little blonde girl in the other, glancing from one to the other. Rin looked unhurt, but the other one had a nosebleed and a black eye. He was very proud of his ward.

'Now, what is going on?' he asked.

'She stole my suitcase and said it was hers!' the blonde screeched, pointing at Rin.

'We must have the same one,' Rin explained, 'I suggested opening it to have a look, but _she _wouldn't even consider it.'

Sesshomaru sighed. He hated being in the middle. 'Open the case, we'll have a look,' he decided.

Inside was a pink beach towel with flowers on it. Both the children claimed it. And the top that was under it, and the shorts under that, and the sandals under that, and the trainers under them, and the swimming costume, and the Japanese clothes under that. Sesshomaru didn't believe that one – those Japanese clothes had been made especially for Rin.

'It's yours, Rin.' He picked up the pink flowery suitcase and put it on their trolley, going back to help Jacken with a big black bag twice the size of him. He was carrying the Staff of Two Heads in the other hand. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes.

The next calamity happened when Sesshomaru went to pick up his rented car. The girl at the desk pointed him to a very shiny black Sedan, and left it at that. Thank God(s). It took the demon lord five minutes to work out how to unlock the car (simply walking up to it and trying to rip the door off was not the best way to go about it). He jumped a mile in the air when he set the alarm off. Then it took more time for him to locate where the ignition key had to go, and Rin had to tell him which pedal did what. After about half an hour he got the thing started. Jacken started complaining because Rin was in the front and he wasn't. Sesshomaru gave the imp a growing lump on top of his head.

On the way to the hotel, Sesshomaru managed to run two other cars off the road, run over a mailbox, and knock over a lamppost – all under the speed of 30 mph.

When they arrived at the hotel, the Sedan was scratched and dented, but Sesshomaru pretended not to notice. The valet took the keys with some trepidation as the demon lord strode into the lobby, looking once again like and Arab prince.

It was a very nice hotel, the floor was marble inlaid with brass lines that intersected to form a pattern on the floor. Jacken was so overawed by his surroundings that he walked into a pillar. The demon lord casually ignored him.

'Ah, yes, Lord Sesshomaru,' the clerk behind the desk said. 'We've put you in the Imperial suite, on the 15th floor. Unfortunately our lifts aren't working today, so you'll have to walk. We guarantee they will be up and running tomorrow.' The clerk then assured that their bags would be brought up by a bellboy, then disappeared somewhere.

By the time they reached the landing of the 15th floor, Jacken was dead and Rin was exhausted. Demon lords of course didn't get exhausted, so Sesshomaru was perfectly fine.

'Get up Jacken,' he sighed, 'there's no need to be so dramatic.'

* * *

Day 2

It was very warm in Dubai. At first, Sesshomaru had been extremely stubborn and refused to take off any of his clothes, even though Rin was basically walking round in a swimming costume and Jacken had swapped his brown robes and hat for fluorescent pink trunks and latherings of sun-cream applied unevenly over his rather weak and pathetic chest. Sesshomaru was wearing huge sunglasses that at once looked very fetching and extremely funny.

And then, well, Sesshomaru didn't think it was very Sesshomaru-like to be hot and sweaty, so he relented, and when all three went to the beach, the demon lord had swapped his usual attire for long black swimming trunks (made of leather). He still wore the sunglasses.

He also carried the parasol, beach towels and other equipment that would not have looked out of place on the D-Day landings; but only because Jacken had collapsed earlier under the combined weight of it all. Needless to say every female within gawking distance did just that.

Sesshomaru glided regally over to a spare patch of beach, and laid Rin's beach towel out on the ground; it was hot pink and covered in flowers. Rin had already dragged Jacken, looking more like a walking sandcastle every minute (he had forgotten to get non-stick sunblock), off to go playing in the waves. The demon lord watched from his lofty position on the beach, silently thinking he could do a much better job than the present lifeguard. _He _wasn't even looking in the direction of the ocean.

A pair of dudes walked by with surf-boards. Sesshomaru regarded them carefully.

'Hey, dude, where's your board?' one of them asked.

'I do not possess one of these so-called "boards" of which you speak,' the demon lord sniffed. He was too busy making sure Rin didn't drown Jacken to pay much attention.

'That's a shame,' the other said, 'wanna borrow one of ours?'

Sesshomaru realised he couldn't give the dudes his usual stare with glasses on, but he couldn't be bothered to take them off.

'And what, pray tell, would I want to borrow them for?' he asked.

'Surfing, of course!' Sesshomaru didn't like the sound of that; he was quite happy sitting on the beach attracting the eyes of every woman who walked past him. The surfers seemed quite put out by this, because they thought they were at least as hot as the demon lord. As if.

Then Rin came back because she was thirsty. Sesshomaru was handing her a Capri-sun from the cool box at the corner when a mobile salesman selling shell necklaces came sidling up. He was quite practiced at this, seeing as though he made a living surprising tourists into parting with their money.

'You like necklace?' he said to Rin. 'You buy – good price, yes?' he showed her a pink necklace made from the shells of some spirally snail things, and Rin squealed in delight. Sesshomaru hadn't noticed the local before and stood up, believing Rin in danger. Swiftly his hand fell to Tokijin, which looked quite ludicrous strapped over the swimming trunks. He stood a full three feet over the Arab. 'You want buy?' the Arab suggested.

'Oh, please, Lord Sesshomaru, please!' Rin squealed. Sesshomaru could not say no to Rin.

'How much?' he asked.

'Make special for you,' the Arab replied. 'Only five dollars American.'

Sesshomaru realised he couldn't give the man a very Sesshomaru-like glare with the huge cop sunglasses on, so he took them off. The local gasped at his golden eyes, and made some seemingly primitive sign to ward off evil. Rightly so' the demon lord was not pleased with the proffered price.

'I will give you 1 American dollar for that,' he said, bending over to intimidate the man further.

'No do, mister – I sell for 5 dollars; 4.50 for you, yes?'

This man's grammar was terrible. '$1.50, or I will have to kill you,' Sesshomaru replied in a deathly whisper. Usually, when he does that, you do what he says; the guy was most wise. He gave Rin her necklace and scurried away with his money before Sesshomaru decided to get his money back. Jacken returned up the beach five minutes later and went in a sulk because Sesshomaru hadn't got him a pink necklace too.

* * *

Day 3

Sesshomaru returned to the beach. In his opinion there wasn't really much else to do. The surfer dudes were there again, surfing. Sesshomaru looked wistfully at them, aware that he wanted to join in. He left Rin and Jacken and went over to them, once again attracting the stares of every woman on the beach.

'Hey, dude! Look! It's that creepy dude from yesterday!' one of them shouted.

'Hello,' Sesshomaru said, 'Can I join you?'

And that is the story of how Sesshomaru learned how to surf. It took him ages; he kept on falling off the board, into the water. His hair was so long that it weighed him down and meant he couldn't see where he was going. Finally he managed to stand up on the surfboard.

'Look!' he cried triumphantly, 'I did it!' then, of course, the biggest wave of the whole morning came and knocked him out. It is very funny to see a demon lord washed head over heels onto a beach. He staggered up, coughing seawater, shaking his mane of hair and smelling like a wet dog.

'Dude, you were awesome – I never knew anyone pick up surfing as quick as you,' one of them said.

'Why thank you,' Sesshomaru replied, looking smug.

Meanwhile, Lazuli had arrived in Dubai, and had found Rin on the beach and bought her an ice cream. With sprinkles. Then she got Jacken one too, because he had PMS, or something very similar to it. They sat on the sand and watched Sesshomaru having surfing lessons, Lazuli having made friends with Rin and Jacken at Pizza Hut. They all thought it was hilarious when he fell off.

'Would you like to like to come back to our hotel, Lazuli?' Rin asked, enjoying her ice cream. Lazuli said that she would.

At that moment Sesshomaru came up the beach. When he saw his unofficial stalker he blanched and tried to turn around, but Rin beckoned him over. He had to go.

'What are you doing here?' he asked Lazuli coldly.

'Lazuli bought us ice creams, Lord Sesshomaru,' Rin said, 'They're delicious!'

'And I brought cookies,' Lazuli added, waving a brown paper bag.

'Cookies?' the demon lord could not say no. So, he sat on the beach all afternoon with Rin, Jacken and Lazuli, who just _happened _to be there at the time. With cookies.

Did I mention he was still wearing the leather trunks he had on the day before? Hadn't been a problem then, but yesterday he didn't go in the water. They dried nicely enough, but as they dried they shrank…

And shrank…

And shrank…

'Ow! £"$$$(£$!' cried Sesshomaru when he noticed.

* * *

Day 4

Lazuli arrived at the door of the imperial suite. She had been invited by Rin to go out to lunch with Sesshomaru and co. and was there early. The traffic had been surprisingly light. Rin answered the door.

'Lazuli!' she cried. The ex-waitress smiled as she was let in. she examined the room and let out a low whistle

'Snazzy. Where's the cookie eating machine?'

Rin giggled. 'He's in the shower. All the salt dried in his hair yesterday, he's been trying to get it out since last night. He didn't expect you here for about half an hour,' she said. 'And – oh, I can't tell you, it's too funny!'

'What?'

'You'll see.'

About five minutes later a growl came from the direction of the bathroom. The door burst open and out came Sesshomaru, dressed in nothing but a hotel towel clasped around his waist with his left hand.

'Jacken!' he roared. 'Where are you? I asked specifically for "pine fresh" scented soap, not "spring roses". I have no wish to smell like a garden!' He saw Lazuli sitting innocently on his bed with Rin. He stopped. He blanched. He dropped the bar of soap he was holding. Lazuli looked astonished, but the effect was spoiled by her trying not to laugh at the demon lord who was now blushing furiously.

Sesshomaru turned to sprint back into the bathroom, but somehow managed to slip on the soap. He fell and the towel went flying.

'Jacken!' he hollered, trying to get up. Lazuli had collapsed from laughing, although she was doing a good job of averting both her and Rin's gazes.

Jacken came scurrying from Rin's bedroom, panicking. 'What is it, my lord?' he asked. 'Oh, my,' he answered himself, seeing his master but naked on the floor and Lazuli and Rin laughing themselves to death. He quickly retrieved the towel from next to the window and draped it over Sesshomaru, who presently hit him on the head. 'Ow! What was that for, milord?'

'For not coming sooner,' the demon lord growled, scarlet from embarrassment. 'Perhaps it would be a good idea for you two to wait in the other room while I dress.'

'Maybe it would,' Lazuli mused between gasps. 'Come on Rin.'

It wasn't just the whole towel incident that had made Lazuli double up laughing; Sesshomaru obviously hadn't put any suncream on the day before – he had the most amazing sunburn, except for the space where the glasses had been on his face for the afternoon, and left the skin milky white.

That night, Rin got an e-mail from Ah-Un saying he was all better from his twisted ankles. Sesshomaru saw it and called him straight away. Ah-Un came, and despite Rin's protests, they all went home, because Sesshomaru said holidays were the most ridiculous thing mortals had ever invented.

* * *

Haha! I'm cruel...I can't help but think he'll someday get me back for all I've done to him...

Sorry about the ending, I know it's a little lame, but this chapter completely wiped me out

As usual, R&R!

Shadowxwolf


	6. Sesshomaru's Halloween

**kay, dudes! Shadowxwolf here! sorry I haven't updated in a while, but my computer's been fing up and crashing, so i couldn't do anything gggrrrrrrrrr!!!! Luckily i have a brand new laptop so here's the latest chapter - but I won't be writing for a while (try a month) cos I'm doing that Nanowrimo thing**

**Happy Halloween!**

* * *

'Explain this to me one more time,' Sesshomaru said, his brow furrowed in puzzlement and concentration. He was standing in the middle of TESCO, in the children's clothing aisle to be precise, and he was looking at Rin, whose face was brimming with excitement. Nothing strange there then. She explained the concept to the bewildered demon lord for the fifth time. 'So,' he surmised, 'Halloween is a night where children dress up in these tacky outfits,' he wrinkled his nose at the little witch and Dracula costumes next to him, 'in order to go 'trikal-treeting'?'

Rin nodded, beaming. 'Oh, yes Lord Sesshomaru! Trick-or-treating!' her eyes brimmed with the thoughts of all that chocolate. 'Can I get this one?' she asked, pointing to a black and purple witch costume with sparkly cobwebs on it.

'And I would have to stay at home, giving out these. . ."Happy Haunting Haribos"?' Sesshomaru continued, ignoring Rin, 'I'm not sure I have any inclination to take part in this.' He dumped the multipack of sweets he already bought back into the huge trolley.

'Oh please Lord Sesshomaru! I promise I'll love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever –'

'That's enough, Rin,' Sesshomaru sighed. Rin beamed.

'Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?' she implored.

'I don't know how to be in two places at once, though. I can't come trick-or-treating with you if I'm at home handing out chocolate.'

And that wasere Jacken came in. He was hugging Sesshomaru close today, because the last time he was found in TESCO, it had been late at night and one of the cleaners had accidentally mopped him up. It had been very terrifying at the time. 'I could take Rin, Milord,' he piped up. Sesshomaru didn't miss the fact that he was giving longing glances to a pink and glittery fairy costume.

'I suppose it couldn't be too complicated,' Sesshomaru relented, throwing Rin's chosen costume in the trolley.

Oh how wrong he was.

Rin had made them spend an hour in the supermarket, and that was just for getting Halloween stuff. When they got home – Ah-Un had to be given CPR because he was carrying so much (guess who did that) – the sweets alone filled two bowls. Rin had also picked out a fabulous little costume for the demon lord.

'I'm not wearing _this!_' he screamed through his bedroom door.

'Please Lord Sesshomaru?' Rin whined. There was an audible sigh from behind the door.

'Oh all right! But I'm not going outside in this!'

'Just put it on.'

There was some incoherent grumbling, possible profanities, a crash, and finally the demon lord emerged, his right eye twitching. He was dressed as a bumblebee. Rin jumped up and down with glee, clapping her hands and looking resplendent in her witch costume. Jacken stared open-mouthed, looking like a prat as an imp fairy. . .thing.

The clock on the wall chimed seven o'clock. Rin squeaked abruptly and ran down the stairs, knocking Jacken over, so he came flying down and landed in a crumpled heap.

'Oh, sorry master Jacken,' Rin apologised, picking him up. One of the imp's fluffy wings was crooked from the fall, and a huge lump was rising on his head. He plonked himself down and bawled.

'S-s-she b-broke my w-w-wing!!!!!! I-I w-won't g-g-g-g-g-g-go out like th-this!' he wailed.

Sesshomaru sighed. 'Get up Jacken,' he ordered, kicking his servant. 'You are going out like this because I'm not showing my face in public like this.'

'Don't you like it?' Rin asked, horrified. She threatened to start crying too.

'Of course I do Rin, it's just. . . I don't think the world is ready for this just yet.' He glanced down at the bumblebee suit, complete with wings and vibrant yellow and white stripes, and shuddered.

So, eventually, after Jacken had stopped behaving like a toddler, he and Rin went out. Sesshomaru lurked at the back of the house, hoping nobody would call. They decided to take Ah-Un with them, just to save walking. The two heads hissed at Jacken, they could still remember that kiss of life. He hid behind Rin's skirts.

To tell the truth, Jacken wasn't much of a help. He got scared when another group of trick-or-treaters passed them in the street, and would have burned them to a cinder with the Staff of Two Heads had he not thought it clashed with his fairy suit and left it behind.

'It was just a couple of kids, Jacken,' Rin tried to reassure him.

'But one of them had a sharp pointy thing!' he complained, and another one was dead!' Rin rolled her eyes.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was having a horrible time. His eye was twitching constantly now, having to endure taunting ang giggling of small children. It was pushing him over the edge. But that was noting compared to what was coming up next. The doorbell rang, and the demon lord reluctantly got up to answer it. Only when he was standing on the porch did he realise who it was: a hanyou, a fox-demon whelp, and a Japanese girl who looked horribly familiar.

'Oh! Lord Sesshomaru!' Kagome cried embarrassed, 'I didn't know you lived here!' Sesshomaru was frozen in terror. Inuyasha started laughing, enjoying the situation immensely – he was dressed up in Sesshomaru's usual outfit.

'Ha! This is too good to be true!' he cried, literally dancing with glee. Unfortunately he jumped to high and hit his head off the porch roof. He came back down covered in a giant cobweb. 'Ew! Get it off Get it off get it off get it off get it off!!!!!'

Rin had taken a plastic cauldron with her to collect sweets, and Jacken took one too. She got many compliments about how well she suited her costume. The imp, on the other hand, got strange looks and fewer bits of chocolate. He was very annoyed about it.

One house they went too had a very dark porch. It seemed to be decorated with an assortment of weapons, as well as the usual carved pumpkins.

'You go first,' Rin whispered. It was very dark. She prodded Jacken in the back, so he had no choice but to go forward. He rang on the doorbell, watching the weapons cautiously – then. . .

'AAAAAAAAAHHH!' Jacken cried, flinging down his bucket of sweets and legging it all the way down the street. The axe had moved and a grinning skull mask now appeared. Rin realised it was just a man in a mask, so wasn't afraid.

'Sorry about that,' she said conversationally, picking up the plastic basket and putting the bright wrappers back in, 'Jacken's kinda jumpy.' The skull nodded in agreement, and gave her some lollies.

Tell your little sister I didn't mean to scare her,' he said. Rin beamed.

Back at the house – well, what was left of it – Sesshomaru had Inuyasha pinned to a wall, his claws poised to rip him to shreds.

'Honestly, can't you two get along?' Kagome shrieked, in hysterics. 'Sesshomaru, he didn't mean it – that costume actually goes very well with your eyes.' That made it even worse. The demon lord's fist slammed into the wall where his brother's head had been a nanosecond before.

'Dagnammit! Keep still! That was priceless alabaster!' he snarled.

'Ha! You're too slow, Sesshomaru!' Inuyasha cried, trying to draw Tetsaiga. it only occurred to him after about five seconds that he didn't have Tetsaiga, because he was dressed like Sesshomaru. And that really annoyed him. Sesshomaru smiled in a very Sesshomaru-like way, advancing like a hunting cat. He hoiked his brother by the throat, so he was dangling three feet off the ground (he had been watching a lot of movies lately). Suddenly there was a cough. Inuyasha dropped to the ground with a very unstylish 'unmf'.

Lazuli stood at the end of the drive, dressed like a vampire bride.

Ah-Un was getting bored. He liked Rin, and she was giving him occasional pieces of candy, but there were just other things he could be doing – frightening old ladies, for instance. He liked it much better when he was left alone to chase people and cause as much collateral damage as three super heroes. So while Sesshomaru's ward was looking for the imp, he slipped quietly away. And then the screaming started.

'What are _you_ doing here?' Sesshomaru stuttered, incredulous.

'Rin phoned me – she said I might need to come over here and keep an eye on you. And it looks as though she was right,' Lazuli explained, tutting as she looked at the smouldering ruins of the house. She only just seemed to spot Inuyasha lying crumpled on the floor. 'Why are you playing with that thing? You've got no idea where it's been!' Inuyasha heard, and being as subtle as a very large brick, rushed towards her. Lazuli stood her ground and merely flicked him on the nose when he got in range.

'OW! That _hurt!_' he whimpered. 'Kagome – she hit me!'

'It's your own fault,' Kagome retorted. 'Jesus, I can't take you anywhere, can I?' she burst into tears in a very Kagome-like way, and ran away. Inuyasha, as usual, had no idea what had just happened, and stood there looking blank.

'Do you want some chocolate?' Lazuli asked, offering Inuyasha the bowl.

'Sure,' he replied. Suddenly the decorative mummy hand on top of the bowl trapped his fingers, and something growled 'Happy Halloween Ha Ha Ha' in a really low and echoing voice. Inuyasha screamed like Jacken and ran very fast, shouting for Kagome.

Later that night, when Rin and Jacken had come home on Ah-Un, Lazuli made a huge bowl of popcorn and they all sat down to watch the news. They just caught the end of an interesting report.

'And it seems this is a Halloween unlike any other, as it appears that a large, dragon-like creature with two heads was terrorising the region earlier tonight, burning down a leisure centre, destroying the TESCO car park, and chasing a group of pensioners across the main road.'

Four heads turned to the large, dragon-like creature with two heads that was sitting on the end of the sofa. Ah pointed a claw at Un, and Un did the same for Ah, who grinned sheepishly, the twisted remains of a walking stick stuck between his teeth.

* * *

sorry it looked so rushed - it was, i have a lot of things to do...

As usual, please R&R, because I love hearing from you guys, and if anyone has any suggestions, feel very welcome, because I think it's best if everyone has an imput

C Ya in December!


	7. Sesshomaru goes to the movies

Hey guys! I'm back! I was doing Nano, but gave up because of too much homework...school sucks. anyway, here is the latest chapter in a story that is sure to continue, and the really scary thing is, there are now plot squirrels tagging themselves onto the randomness. sigh oh well...

Thjis chapter comes thanks to White Haired Teen, who suggested this adventure. As usual, I love hearing from you guys, and any suggestions are more than welcome! It makes it a better story if there's reader input.

* * *

Sesshomaru came downstairs after a refreshing shower. Cautiously he peered in on Jacken and Rin, who were having breakfast. It was Rin's first day of school, and she looked quite cute in her new uniform. Sesshomaru smiled to himself. Jacken was rummaging around in the cornflakes packet for the free toy.

'Jacken!' Sesshomaru snapped, 'If you really want a My Little Pony we can go to MacDonalds and get you one there – but you are NOT allowed to go groping around in the cereal box, understand?'

'Yes, milord!' Jacken squeaked, withdrawing his hand so fast from the box that it overbalanced and all the cornflakes spilt over the floor, where Ah-Un was lying.

'Pick those up,' Sesshomaru instructed. Jacken did as he was told, but – 'Don't put them back in the box! They've been on the floor!' Honestly, the imp had no sense of hygiene. Rin giggled.

A few minutes later, outside the school gates, kids were staring at Ah-Un and asking if they could pet him. Rin was showing off completely, as small children tend to do when they have something everyone else wants.

'Lord Sesshomaru?' she asked tentatively.

'Yes?'

'Can we go and see Harry Potter at the cinema sometime?' she had heard another kid talking about going to see it, and had already said she was going to too, as little kids are apt to do when they want to show off. Which is what Rin was doing.

'Harry Potter?' Sesshomaru mused. 'We'll see'. Which was an absolute lie. He had been one of the weirdos who had gone to get the seventh Harry Potter book at midnight, and had collided with several lampposts and a weathervane on the way home from TESCO because he couldn't be bothered to wait to read it. He _really_ wanted to go and see the movie. And he knew what Rin had done, because he was Sesshomaru, and he knew everything (in his opinion).

It was time for Jacken to go and get Rin from school. When he finally got there, the place was deserted; a tumbleweed drifted across the playground in a very clichéd gag that showed the place was deserted. The poor terrified imp waited at the school gates, eyeing the nearby trees with caution in case they ate him. Sesshomaru really shouldn't have let him watch the film version of 'The Triffids' by H. G. Wells.

Eventually Jacken plucked up the courage to actually go _inside_ the school building. He passed displays made by the students, on backgrounds made by teachers with their favourite material: crêpe paper.

'Such pretty colours' Jacken cooed, overawed by one particularly bright and pink display. Incidentally, that meant he wasn't looking where he was going and tripped over something long and snakelike.

'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!' he screamed. Girlishly. 'Snake! EEEWWWW! Get off get off get off get off get off!' he slapped the snake with his Staff of Two Heads in a rather pathetic way, until he realised it was really a vacuum cleaner. 'I knew that,' he told empty air. He bent down to examine his would-be killer-snake, and laughed to himself. Then he was glad that Sesshomaru wasn't there. Just remembering that very Sesshomaru-like glare and the whack he would have received made him very relieved indeed. But that was short-lived because the cleaner came back. She wanted her vacuum cleaner, preferably intact.

When she saw Jacken, she screamed and reached for her mop. And with a resounding and soppy thwap! Jacken was booted around the head. The cleaner (named Gertrude) was screeching something incoherent that could have been about vermin and oversized bacteria mucking up her nice clean floors.

* * *

Five minutes later, Jacken came to on the school field, a huge lump rising on his head, and another something vibrating somewhere about his person. It was the brand new mobile phone Sesshomaru had given him. The demon lord was ringing him.

Jacken had a surprising number of pockets, and he couldn't remember which one the moby was in. So everything came out in the search: a My Little Pony, Ah-Un biscuits, a nail file and complete manicure kit, a pink and flowery purse containing mostly shiny buttons, and a half eaten plum. From a week before. . .

The phone was on the thirty third ring and Sesshomaru was losing his patience. Well, that is to say, he was glaring at the Ikea curtain in a _very_ Sesshomaru-like way, wishing it was Jacken and that he could kick it, hard. Finally there was an answer. The demon lord didn't find it necessary to introduce himself to the caller.

'Jacken, where are you?' he asked in a very deadly way. There was an incoherent garble of sounds from the other end. Sesshomaru frowned. 'Jacken, are you holding the phone at arm length again?'

'Yes, Milord,' came Jacken's voice.

'Why?'

'Well, there's all the radiston I could get from a phone like this, I heard it on the news.'

Sesshomaru sighed. 'First of all, it's radiation, not radiston, and secondly, if you don't hold the phone properly within the next five seconds, radiation will be the least of your worries.'

There was an understandable frantic scrabbling on the other end. Sesshomaru waited until the sounds stopped, and then asked his original question; but there was no reply.

'Jacken?'

No reply.

'Jacken!'

No reply.

'JACKEN!'

'Yes milord! I thought you'd hung up for a moment!' the imp's voice was strangely muffled, as though. . .

Sesshomaru put his head in his hand. 'Jacken,' he said, 'you have the phone the wrong way up – you are listening at the MOUTHPIECE!!!!' again a frantic scrabbling. 'That's better, now, where are you and why aren't you here?'

'I'm picking Rin up from school, but the only person there is a crazy lady who knocked me out!' Jacken squeaked.

'And believe me, I have the greatest sympathy with her,' Sesshomaru muttered. 'Rin is here with me – she walked home by herself because you were half an hour late to pick her up!'

'It was terrible traffic –'

'It's two miles on deserted country roads that do not know the meaning of the word "traffic". Do not lie to me.' You could almost hear Jacken cringinging away from the phone. 'Come home _now!_' And with that, Sesshomaru slammed the phone down.

* * *

One angry Sesshomaru later, they arrived at the cinema, which happened to be next door to Pizza Hut. The demon lord shuddered at the memory. On the door, next to the sign saying "refurbishment: authorised people only", was a sign forbidding all demons and half demons inside. Well, that's what you get for destroying a restaurant.

Ah-Un was parked next to a Volkwagen Golf, this time, and he disliked the colour. Needless to say the car didn't last long.

There was a long queue at the box office – some person was trying to pay with pennies and kept losing count. To stop himself destroying the cinema as well, Sesshomaru went back to reading Harry Potter. This was a good bit. But very soon, Rin got bored with standing still and being ignored. She tugged on sesshomaru's robe.

'Lord Sesshomaru!' she whined, 'can't we go to the front now? The movie's going to start soon!' the demon lord sighed.

'Very well, Rin,' he said, drawing Tokijin. In the next second every other customer in the place was lying sprawled on the ground. Sesshomaru casually walked over one particularly fat person. Surprisingly, the girl on the cash register was looking more annoyed than terrified.

'I hope you're going to clean up after yourself,' she said, arms folded.

Sesshomaru groaned. 'Not you!' the incident with the towel was still fresh in his mind.

'Yes, me,' Lazuli replied.

'What are you doing here?' Sesshomaru asked, bemused.

'well, since you got me fired from my last job, I had to find a new one, didn't I? I work here.' The denmon lord looked suddenly grumpy about something. 'so, can I help you, sir?' Lazuli continued in a very annoying voice, just to see how far she could push it.

'One adult and two children to see Harry Potter and the Order of the phoenix,' Sesshomaru replied.

'What's the magic word?'

'What?'

'You're being rude – one word can make all the difference.'

Sesshomaru glared at the unphased employee. 'Three tickets, _please_,' he said.

'So that's two adults and one child,' Lazuli typed into the computer.

'What!?'

'You're not trying to tell me Jacken's under 16, are you?' Lazuli said dubiously. 'will there be anything else?'

Rin piped up. 'Can I have some popcorn please?'

'Certainly, Rin,' Lazuli replied, grinning. She remembered the towel incident too. Rin was handed a big tub of popcorn, and Lazuli read the enormous price off the cash register. Sesshomaru glared at her in a very Sesshomaru-like way, but it wasn't impressing Lazuli. She repeated the price.

As they were walking in, Lazuli noticed the book cradled in Sesshomaru's arm.

'How far have you got?' she asked.

'Page 400,' he replied.

'Oh, I finished already – the ending's crap, by the way.' Sesshomaru glared again. 'Ahem, Sesshy?'

'don't call me Sesshy!'

'whatever. You need to clean these people up remember? My boss'll kill me if there's another massacre in the lobby.'

The demon lord groaned and flicked Tenseiga once, bringing all the people back to life. 'Happy?' he asked savagely.

'Very,' she replied, grinning.

It was very dark inside the showing room. So dark in fact that Jacken banged into a chair and fell over. Cursing.

'Get up, Jacken,' Sesshomaru ordered, going to sit down. Jacken followed, stubbing his toes at least three times before he sat down next to Rin, who was happily munching on her popcorn. The trailers started, and another couple walked in. the woman was complaining loudly.

'I can't believe I had to take you to the bathroom – what are you, seven?'

'It's not my fault I didn't know where to go –' the man protested. His voice was vaguely familiar.

'Yes, but to actually have to come _into_ the toilet with you! I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed!'

'She has got a point,' another man said behind her, arms linked with his date.

'Shut up, Miroku,' Inuyasha snapped.

Sesshomaru groaned, couldn't that half-breed just leave him alone? Inuyasha's head turned at the sound, and he drew Tetsaiga when he saw his brother.

'Sesshomaru!' he growled.

The demon lord sighed. 'Sit down, half-breed, and watch the movie. I can't be bothered to cream you today. Make an appointment in my diary or something.'

It took a few minutes for Inuysha to work out what had just been said. By that time had sat him down on the other side of the theatre.

'You're dead, Sesshomaru!'

'I highly doubt that, little brother,' the demon lord replied.

The film had just reached the part where Filch was eating a sandwich, when there was a very annoying buzzing sound. Seshomaru wondered what it could be. Then, a ringtone took up. Jacken was suddenly sweating profusely. Seshomaru's eyes narrowed in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

'can I just take this call,' Jacken mumbled, but Sesshomaru snatched the phone from him.

'Who would be calling you?' he asked scathingly.

'Um, Jessica?'

'Who's Jessica?

'The girl I met on the plane – I gave her my number.'

The imp had really embarrassed Sesshomaru, and he wouldn't stand for that. Jacken flew three feet before landing outside the theatre door. The carpet burn was easy to see on his green face. He groaned.

'What did you do this time?' Lazuli asked with a low whistle.

'What are you doing here?' he asked back.

'I saw Inuyasha go in and I thought I had better be on hand just in case,' she said, holding up a tazer.

'Oh.'

'are they getting on all right?'

'yes.'

Lazuli looked disappointed.

When Sesshomaru appeared out of the theatre, ignoring Inuyasha (who was being restrained by Kagome, Miroku and Sango), he found Jacken with a cup of tea, talking to Lazuli like they were old friends. Lazuli spotted the demon lord, and said a moody goodbye to Jacken.

'You really have to get thrown out more often, Jacken, you're good to talk to.' She turned to Sesshomaru. 'Is my theatre intact?'

'yes,' he said sulkily.

'good.' She took Jacken's flowery mug off him, and smiled at Rin as the trio walked away.

In the car-park, Ah-Un was having fun with his new ball. The Pink Golf was nowhere in sight.

* * *

HEHE Hope you liked it!

shadowxwolf


	8. Rin's Birthday Party

Hey guys! me again! I said i would get this chapter up, but I did honestly think it would be sooner, so sorry for the delay. This chapter is courtesy of yumichan999, so thanks dude! Hope you enjoy!!

Oh, and in case anybody was wondering, all the non-Inu characters come from my own non-fanfiction story, which I hope to have published one day, in case you were wondering...

* * *

Rin woke up bright and early. She was excited as she checked her calendar, just to make sure. She squealed loudly, and raced into Jacken's room.

'Wake up master Jacken, wake up!' She was bouncing on his bed like she'd just had sherbert.

Jacken groaned. 'Go back to bed Rin, I don't get up for4 another five minutes!'

'But master Jacken – it's my birthday!' Jacken groaned again, and rolled over in his Thomas the Tank Engine duvet.

'Get up Jacken, it is Rin's birthday, after all,' Sesshomaru said, entering the little room. He had to stoop to get inside. Jacken shot out like he had been electrocuted, and promptly whacked his head off the low lightbulb, and was electrocuted. The smell of singed imp filled the tiny room.

'Lord Sesshomaru!' Rin squeaked, rushing over to hug the demon lord's knees. He pulled a present wrapped in holographic foil out of nowhere and handed it to her.

'Happy birthday, Rin,' he said. She squealed so high he winced, and pulled off the wrapping feverishly. It was a cuddly toy, an electronic puppy that wagged its tail when it saw its new mistress. Rin cheered and hugged Sesshomaru's knees again.

'And what did you get her, Jacken?' Sesshomaru asked. 'I would like to see it.'

Jacken gulped. He had forgotten all about Rin's birthday. The demon lord smiled in a very Sesshomaru-like way, and Jacken reached the bottom of the stairs in record time. The imp got up, slightly dizzy and still singed.

'Go and make breakfast, Jacken,' Sesshomaru ordered, 'and make it edible. No worms.'

* * *

Rin was hyper all day. She got loads of presents off her many adoring fans, and chatted excitedly with all the girls she had invited to her party that afternoon. It was a sleepover. How bad could it be for Sesshomaru?

Sesshomaru collected the girls at the school gates, piling them all on to his people carrier, Ah-Un, who was so laden down he collapsed. So he made Jacken give one of them a piggy-back.

* * *

When they all got home, they raced into the house, raced round the house, raced up the stairs, and raced everywhere else. Rin took them all up to her room, where her recently acquired CD player (Jaken's belated gift) belted out top-of-the-charts music Jacken was left to carry in the sleeping bags and other stuff – straighteners, make-up, and cuddly toys.

Sesshonmaru was busy rethinking his brilliant idea to let Rin have a sleepover. It was like having a bunch of imps on caffeine, and there was no way even he could deal with so many at once. At that moment they all appeared on the landing, and leaned over the banisters, staring at him and giggling. They turned round and whispered to each other. It made him suspicious. No, he definitely could not cope. And that meant he would have to do something he really didn't want to do.

'Hello? Lazuli?' he asked timidly into the phone. He had prised the number off Rin, after enduring two solid minutes of 'Lord Sesshomaru and Lazuli, sitting in a tree', which was really annoying. Jacken was now recovering from a lump on the head because he had joined in.

'Who's this?' Lazuli asked suspiciously.

Sesshomaru sighed. 'It's Sesshomaru,' he said. There was silence on the other end of the phone. 'Hello? Hello? Lazuli, are you there? Are you all right?'

'Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just a bit dazed. I want to remember this moment forever.' Sesshomaru heard sniggering. 'What's the diddly?'

'What?'

He could almost hear her rolling her eyes. 'What's up?'

'Are you at work?'

'Why?'

'Because it's Rin birthday, and she's having a sleepover, and the house is full of small children.'

'And?'

Sesshomaru went sulky. 'And I need your help. They're out of control.' There was definitely sniggering this time.

'Do you wan t me to come over?'

'Yes please.'

'OK.' Sesshomaru sighed in relief. 'If –' Lazuli continued. This would be bad, there was a smile in her voice. 'If you sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" and to the actions.

'WHAT? I'm not doing that!'

Aw, ok then, your funeral…'

There was the sound of breaking coming from upstairs. Something heavy. And valuable. Or possibly Jacken again. 'All right, all right!' he said desperately. 'I'll do it.'

'Go on then.'

The demon lord pouted in a very un-Sesshomaru-like way. 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddly-dee they're standing in a row. De-de-de big one; small one, some as big as your head. Give it a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said.' He had a terrific soprano voice. Laughter erupted on the stairs as all the girls burst into fits of giggles. Jacken was there too, trying not to laugh. There was whooping on the other end of the phone to, and not just from one person. Lazuli had put the demon lord onto speaker phone; the whole cinema had heard him!

'Did you just -?' he spuluttered.

'See ya, Sesshy, I'll be over in ten minutes.'

'Don't call me Sesshy!' But the phone had already clicked off.

'Who was that, Lord Sesshomaru?' Rin asked.

'Nobody,' he grumbled. She giggled, guessing who would make him dance and sing for personal gain. 'Is she coming over?' she asked. He shrugged in response. 'Yay!' she cheered. 'Come on, let's go play truth or dare – you can come too, master Jacken!'

'No, Rin, it's fine, really –' But he was cut off as three nine-year-olds grabbed him and dragged him up to Rin's room. All were wearing manic grins. 'Milord, help! Milord!!!!!' his voice drowned away as the girls closed the door with an ominous clunk.

'Bye, Jacken,' Sesshomaru said dryly.

There was a knock at the door. Ah-Un growled and barked at the intruder.

'Back, thing, back! Get back! Shut up!' He opened the door, restraining Ah-Un with a leg.

'Hey!' Lazuli said cheerfully, grinning. In her hands were a present and some party essentials. Rin heard the commotion and hurtled down the stairs, flinging herself so hard at Lazuli she was almost knocked backward. 'Hi, Rin,' Lazuli gasped, fighting for air. Sesshomaru could not help but grin. To placate the small child, she handed her the gift, wrapped in extremely cool stripy paper. Rin squealed and ripped it open eagerly. Inside was Twister TM.

'Thanks Lazuli!' she beamed, 'Maybe we can play later?'

'Maybe.'

'Lord Sesshomaru?' Rin asked, 'When's dinner?' He was about to reply when Lazuli interjected.

'Don't tell me he hasn't even given you a birthday tea yet?' she cried, looking mortified. Sesshomaru mumbled something. 'Go back upstairs, Rin, and it'll be ready in ten minutes.' Rin whooped again and hurtled up the stairs. 'You haven't given her sugar, have you?' Lazuli mused on the way to the dining room.

Lazuli set out the party tablecloth Jacken had picked out earlier. It was pink with ribbons and Disney Princesses on it.

'Err, are you going to help at all?' she asked Sesshomaru, who was leaning against the wall.

'You seem to be doing such a good job all by yourself,' he replied, not getting up.

'I didn't come here to be your servant for the evening,' Lazuli said, scowling.

'What else am I supposed to do? Jacken's been kidnapped!' he was about to say something else, but Lazuli was glaring at him in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

'Help,' she commanded.

'But I –' he stopped, and wisely complied.

The table was laden with everything – chocolate éclairs, crisps, mini-pizzas, tiny sandwiches, and fairy cakes, as well as some other foodstuffs that looked mildly Japanese.

'Dinner!' Sesshomaru called up the stairs. A distant rumbling was heard. The plastic pink cutlery on the table wobbled as a torrent of nine-year-olds came plummeting down the stairs, Jacken held captive somewhere in their midst. They stampeded through the doorway and sat at the table, immediately devouring everything within reach. Sesshomaru almost laughed at the stunned expression fixed on Lazuli's face.

Afterwards, Rin insisted on playing Twister TM. Every one of her guests had a go, so did Jacken, although he wasn't big enough to reach all the coloured spots, and lost miserably each time. Finally, nobody was left to play, except –

'Lazuli! Lord Sesshomaru! It's your turn!' Rin happily took up position of caller. The demon lord looked at Lazuli and he looked straight back, equally mortified, both remembering the incidents at Pizza Hut, the Mall, in Dubai, and everything else.

But Rin was Birthday Girl, and her whim was their command. A fierce sense of competition took over them both.

'OK, Lazuli – left foot blue.'

The game went on for a while, neither willing to give in. Sweat coming from concentration was leaking down Lazuli's brow, and Sesshomaru's cheeks were flushed with effort.

'Will you get that fluff out of my face?' Lazuli muttered as Rin called out 'Right hand to red.' Sesshomaru ignored her, leaning over to put his hand on the most accessible red spot. It brought their faces very close, so Lazuli could not help but stare into Sesshomaru's eyes.

'Left hand yellow,' Rin informed, and Lazuli's face contorted with effort as she shifted her centre of balance once more. Nearly, nearly, just about –

They collapsed, Lazuli crumpling as her right arm could no longer bear the weight, an Sesshomaru coming crashing down a millisecond after. He fell awkwardly on top of her, squeezing breath from her lungs. A giggle erupted round the room, Sesshomaru's cheeks even redder than before. Lazuli realised he was blushing, and thought it looked rather nice. . .

She leapt away from him like she had just received an electric shock. Jesus, stalking Sesshomaru was one thing, this was entirely different.

'Who won that?' she asked to alleviate the situation.

'Lord Sesshomaru, by default,' Rin replied. They were all bored of this game now, hurtled up the stairs, dragging Jacken along with them. From the room they heard choruses of 'Lazuli and Lord Sesshomaru, sitting in a tree', accompanied by bouts of furious giggling. Lazuli decided to ignore them and settled down with some leftover sushi to watch CSI.

'It's so obvious he did it,' she commented, watching some guy squirm during an interview.

'How do you know?' Sesshomaru asked. He was still rather pink in the cheeks. She offered him the last sushi roll casually and shrugged. 'Just do.'

'I think it's the other one.'

'The girl?'

'Yeah.'

'A fiver.'

'What?' Sesshomaru asked, bewildered.

'I bet you a fiver that he did it, not her,' Lazuli clarified, grinning

'You're on.'

At that precise moment, stealthy movements were heard on the stairs. Sesshomaru groaned quietly.

'Aren't they asleep yet?' he grumbled.

'You don't know much, do you?' Lazuli countered. 'At a sleepover, there is usually little sleeping involved.' Her mild manner belayed the growing dread she received from listening to the girls creeping downstairs. Sesshomaru seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

Rin entered with her friends, carrying boxes and bags and wearing wicked smirks.

'Laziuli?' Rin asked bashfully.

'Mmm?'

'Can we give you a makeover?' it was inevitable; Lazuli had known it all along: girls + sleepover + adults to annoy + potential matchmaking makeover. She cringed, but decided to get it over with.

They had a system worked out. Jacken, already guised as a geisha, would hand the girls all the implements they needed, and each one worked on a separate bit – one for eyes, cheeks, mouth. Rin was supervising. When they had finished, Lazuli was handed a mirror, and looked nothing like Lazuli anymore, but more like a character out of Moulin Rouge. Sesshomaru chuckled quietly in the corner, and Lazuli smirked at him in a vampiric sort of way, which shut him up.

'Rin,' she said graciously, 'why don't you give Lord Sesshomaru a makeover? I'm sure he'd love to have one.' The demon lord glared at her in a very Sesshomaru-like way, and she smiled benignly back at him.

Sesshomaru looked very different in makeup. One of the girls had put bronze eye-shadow on him to bring out his eyes, and his lips had been painted with bright bubblegum-pink lipstick. The cheeks were nicely dolled up so he looked like a character out of Noddy. It was Lazuli's turn to laugh.

'I'm never doing this again,' Sesshomaru vowed to himself, looking as regal as he could manage.

* * *

So there we go folks! As usual, reviews are most welcome, and any ideas for future chapters will not go unconsidered...

Catch y'all later!

Shadowxwolf


	9. Sesshomaru's Christmas, part 1

So here it is, my lovely readers, my little Christmas present to you all. It comes in two parts, and because I know that some of you, like me, will probably not get the chance to go on the computer on December 25th, I'm giving this to you now. Happy Christmas!

* * *

'Come on Rin, time for school!' Sesshomaru called up the stairs. It was the last day before the Christmas holidays, and all the night before Rin had tried to get out of it by having various illnesses: first it was flu, then septicaemia, then a gastric ulcer, then plague, then Ah-Un pox. Sesshomaru hadn't believed any of it, and told her she had to go to school. Rin pouted and screamed, and tantrummed, until Sesshomaru had ordered Jacken to go with her as an anamatronic doll (it was toy day).

They rushed breakfast, and on the way out to the garage to get Ah-Un, Sesshomaru slipped on a patch of black ice. He hit the ground with a heavy thump and a loud 'Ow!' Rin giggled. The demon lord sniffed, and tried to get up with as much dignity as possible, but only succeeded in slipping again. Jacken, dressed in a blonde wig, dress and with Noddy-like makeup on, giggled. Jacken's head broke the ice and emerged with a large lump on it.

'Jacken!' Sesshomaru barked, 'Clear a path through this ice!' The staff of two heads exploded with flame, melting the ice, but also succeeding to melt next-door's Mercedes. 'Run,' said Sesshomaru weakly. Sesshomaru didn't like next door.

Sesshomaru left Rin and Jacken at the school gates, and got out his mobile. Because he was stupid he had left it to the last minute to buy presents, and now he needed help. Still, he didn't want to do this. Three rings.

'Hello?'

'Lazuli!' Sesshomaru said. There was suspicious silence on the other end of the line.

'Hey, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli replied eventually, 'what's up?'

'Would you come shopping with me? I haven't got any presents yet, and I don't know what to get Rin.' Silence. 'Are you still there Lazuli?'

'I'm here,' she confirmed. 'What time are you going?'

'Now'

'That's all right, my shift's just finished. I'll do it –'

'Great!'

'IF'

Sesshomaru gulped. Last time she had said 'if', he had had to sing a ridiculous song and dance along to it. What horror would there be this time?

'If you come to my Christmas party tonight,' she said, 'well, not mine. Work's.'

'Oh, OK,' said Sesshomaru, stunned. That wasn't nearly as bad as he had expected. He had actually been cringing into the earpiece.

'Cheers, mate,' Lazuli cried, obviously relieved. 'I wouldn't ask, but I didn't have anyone else to go with, and it could have been a git awkward, 'cos Rio I think fancies me, and I know my friend Cara fancies him, so I would've been like, what do I do? When he's hitting on me and she's hitting on him, and I'm trying to have a conversation. I mean, I could complete the triangle, but I just don't swing that way, you know? Oops, I'm babbling, sorry.'

Sesshomaru had no idea what she had just said, but was surprised to find himself blushing as he mumbled. 'S'OK, I'm glad to go.' He put the phone down quickly, in case she managed to figure it out. Because Lazuli was the kind of person who would figure it out.

* * *

Lazuli met Sesshomaru outside the cinema and declared that they would go in her little Ford Fiesta.

'No offence, Ah-Un,' she apologised, 'but I don't like heights.' Ah-Un understood perfectly, and flew home. He liked being at home by himself, because he could watch Naruto reruns and sleep on the sofa.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was making his way to the driver's side, saying he would drive. Lazuli asked him whether he could drive.

'It can't be that hard,' he replied, 'but I wouldn't dream of letting you drive –I - err, that came out wrong!' But at the sight of Lazuli's very Sesshomaru-like glare, he scuttled over to the passenger door and climbed in.

* * *

Rin was having a whale of a time. She won at musical chairs, musical statues and pass the parcel. Pass the parcel was due to luck, but the other two saw Jacken incinerating any chairs and the floor beneath Rin's opponents' feet. They looked unbeatable together, but then.

'Gather round, children,' said the teacher, 'and look who's here!'

A tall man in a red coat and white beard entered the hall with a sack on his back.

'Who's that, Rin?' asked Jacken.

'Santa Claus,' Rin whispered back.

'Santa Claws?' Jacken whimpered to himself. He knew the man looked vicious. That beard to hide his face and the sack – it must be where he put children when he wanted to eat them. The imp started hyperventilating when he started going round the children and handing out brightly coloured boxes. They were enraptured with them – they must be hypnotised. Dark fantasies span in Jacken's mind as he watched the big man coming towards him.

'Here you are, little girl, ho, ho, ho!' he said in a falsely deep voice. He even his that.

That was it, Jacken snapped. He ran screaming out of the hall, hit his head off the door frame, fainted, got up, and ran away screaming again, leaving Rin to explain.

'err, she can sometimes get like that with fresh batteries,' she said feebly.

* * *

Meanwhile. . . Sesshomaru's legs wouldn't fit in the Fiesta.

'You know, you could always take the swords off,' Lazuli suggested.

'Never!' the demon lord declared, hugging Tokijin and Tenseiga to him like a zealous toddler. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

'Have you pushed the seat back all the way?'

'The seat moves?'

Lazuli stared at him disbelievingly, then, rolling her eyes again, plunged her arm between Sesshomaru's legs and started to rummage for the catch on the seat.

'What are you doing?' Sesshomaru cried. Suddenly the seat flew back and Sesshomaru almost fell out of the car again.

'Better?' Lazuli asked, starting the engine. The demon lord merely grunted. 'I forgot how short Cara is. Put your seatbelt on,' she added, reversing.

'Tonight, we go on Ah-Un,' Sesshomaru growled, sulking as only Sesshomaru can do.

* * *

Unusually, no other disastrous occurrences plagued either Sesshomaru or Jacken until the evening, unless you count Jacken being chased by a huge dog and smashing into a lamppost. Oh, yeah, and Sesshomaru slipped on the reformed ice while he and Lazuli were bringing the presents into the house; somehow Lazuli had made it much worse than before. Lazuli called at six o'clock and Rin opened the door. She squealed when she saw her friend, dressed in strangely Christmassy gothic attire which looked great. A long black silk and lace skirt, and a sleeveless top covered with a see-through black gossamer shirt. Actually, the only Christmas thing about it was the large, sparkly Santa's hat she wore on top of loose black hair. When Jacken saw it he ducked under a cushion, thinking he couldn't be seen even though his bottom (and Thomas the tank Engine boxers) could be clearly seen. Quietly Rin mouthed 'I'll explain later.' Lazuli nodded in agreement.

Sesshomaru came downstairs five minutes later, and his jaw dropped when he saw Lazuli. She stared too.

'There is no way you're going out in that!' she cried, and pushed him all the way back up the stairs again. He was wearing his usual white.

'But-but,' he stammered, as he was pushed. Lazuli sat him down on the bed and proceeded to rifle through his wardrobe, flinging out random clothes that she ordered him to put on. He tried to protest, he really did, but nobody could glare in such a Sesshomaru-like way as Lazuli. Unless Sesshomaru was in a really bad mood, of course. So he put the clothes on.. over what he was already wearing.

'Why are all men the same?' Lazuli asked the ceiling. Sesshomaru looked affronted.

'What is that supposed to mean?' he cried.

'You always wear the same thing!' Lazuli replied. 'Take it all off, then put on the clothes I picked out for you!' she instructed. 'And hurry, we're going to be late.' She rolled her eyes and swept from the room when he didn't move and blushed instead. The towel memory came back to both of them.

Five minutes later, Sesshomaru was standing at the door in a simple t-shirt, artfully ripped jeans, knee high leather boots and a short length leather jacket (she hadn't managed to wrestle Tokijin and Tenseiga from him). The effect was simple but stylish, and Lazuli stepped back to admire her handiwork.

'What do you think Rin?' she asked her hair stylist. 'Do you think he needs eyeliner?'

'No!' Sesshomaru gasped. He had had enough of eyeliner to last a lifetime.

'What about blue eyeshadow?' Lazuli asked innocently. Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

'There is something missing,' Rin began, whispering the rest in Lazuli's ear.

'Oh, of course! How could I forget? Thanks, Rin. Sesshy, close your eyes.'

'It's Lord Sesshomaru,' Sesshy grumbled, closing his eyes anyway. He could sense Lazuli walking up to him, and smell her scent as she. . .fiddled with his hair! No, anything but the hair!

She pulled away and the demon lord opened his eyes immediately, looking at what she had done.

'Oh.' This wasn't the first time she had surprised him. And he did quite like the effect of the Santa hat perched on his silver hair.

Rin giggled. 'Now all you need is a beard, Lord Sesshomaru, and you really would be Santa!' she cried happily. Jacken whined even louder and stuck his behind even further in the air. Sesshomaru looked on disgusted, and apologetically at Lazuli.

'Rin'll explain later,' she explained. Even Sesshomaru laughed at that.

One crazy Ah-Un ride later, Sesshomaru and Lazuli entered the cinema. The floor of the box office had been turned into a dance floor and the counter into a buffet table, complete with punch bowl and mini fibre-optic Christmas trees. Bouncers lurked in the entrance, making sure nobody had concealed weapons or drugs or marmalade. One look at Sesshomaru, despite the two blatant swords hanging at his sides, and they let him straight in.

'This music is dreadful,' Sesshomaru commented. Lazuli agreed.

'Yeah, it's never good at these things,' she said.

'Lazuli,' a voice called, 'hey, Lazuli!'

'Oh, hey, Stan,' she replied, smiling as she introduced Sesshomaru. Stan looked the demon lord up and down, and gave Lazuli a significant look which she frowned at. Sesshomaru had no idea what was going on.

'Lord Sesshomaru. Hmm. Weren't you the one who destroyed Pizza Hut?' Stan asked curiously.

'Yes,' Sesshomaru replied cautiously.

'Good on you, mate! I get paid 1.25 times here than what I did there.'

'It's true,' Lazuli agreed, nodding emphatically. Sesshomaru smiled, and not in the way he usually smiled at Jacken. Stan didn't miss the glance.

'Hey, Lazuli, you know that bouncer over there? The fat one?' Stan said.

'Yeah?'

'I think she fancies me.'

'What?' the bouncer didn't look capable of it.

'Yeah, she was feeling me up, I swear it.' He demonstrated how the bouncer apparently frisked for concealed weapons. Lazuli held still with an expression of tolerant irritation on her face. Sesshomaru however was horrified. He drew Tokijin and killed Stan instantly.

'Sesshomaru! What did you do that for?' exclaimed Lazuli, horrified. The demon lord could only mumble incoherently. 'Sesshomaru, chill, kay? Stan wasn't doing anything wrong. He's gay, OK? He didn't mean anything by it. In fact, I think he fancies you a bit.' Sesshomaru looked even more horrified. Now bring him back to life. And if I see you use Tokijin again, I'll make you stand in the naughty corner.' She looked serious, so Sesshomaru did as he was told. Stan got up and wandered off slightly bemused.

'I thought he was compromising your honour,' Sesshomaru mumbled. A look of gratitude swelled in Lazuli's face so suddenly that Sesshomaru was a little unnerved. She never looked at him like that.

'Well, no harm done, eh?' she said reassuringly,' just don't do it again.'

A woman with short cropped auburn hair came up to them while Lazuli was getting Sesshomaru some punch.

'Ah, Lazuli! So glad you could come!' her tone indicated otherwise.

'Hello Sarah,' Lazuli smiled back. She had to restrain herself; Tokijin was only two feet away and Sarah was her old school nemesis. And her boss.

'You haven't introduced me to your plus-one, Lazuli,' Sarah crooned. 'is he your boyfriend?'

'Friend,' Lazuli corrected, introducing Sesshomaru grudgingly to Sarah.

'Do you like the punch, Sesshomaru?' she asked, smarming between them. The demon lord had spied some sushi on a nearby so was only half listening.

'Yes, it is very nice. What's in it?'

'Oh, my own recipe, you know, Sesshomaru. Pomegranate, pineapple, mango and a little splash of rum.'

The song changed, and Lazuli was getting bored of the conversation. Her mind was wandering over the most comical ways of killing her boss and not getting caught. Once again, Tokijin caught her eye.

'Lazuli,' Sesshomaru insisted again.

'Huh?'

'Do you want to dance?' he asked. Behind him, Sarah was looking at Lazuli smugly, as if to say 'dance today, don't have a job on Monday. Knowing Sarah, that could happen.

'No thanks, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli replied.

'Are you sure?'

'No – yeah. I have to find Cara anyway. You go have fun.' Before they could get too far, Lazuli slipped some of the punch over the floor, hoping to catch Sarah out. Sesshomaru landed on his buttocks instead. Lazuli cringed and edged away before anyone could accuse her.

So, now, she had no choice but to look for Cara. She stood on tiptoe over the rest of the crowd, but, since Cara was shorter than most of the crowd, it didn't do much good. She wondered morosely whether Rin and Jacken were having a better time.

* * *

They weren't really. Rin had had the initiative to order pizza, but had been in the shower when it arrived. Apparently, Jacken didn't grasp the concept of 'paying', and had pointed the staff of two heads at the delivery boy when he demanded money. Jacken was now sitting in the kitchen minus the pizza while Rin pressed ice to his lumpy forehead.

'Poor Master Jacken,' she tutted.

* * *

'So, how goes the stalkee, Laz?' Cara asked conversationally.

'First, never call me Laz, ever. Second, he's over there.' She pointed to the dance floor, where Sarah still hadn't let Sesshomaru out of her clutches. Every time he tried to edge away, she'd haul him back, getting closer and closer each time. Sesshomaru was now having to restrain himself. Tokijin was only a few centimetres away.

Cara looked shocked. 'But, you're stalking him Lazuli! You shouldn't invite him to a Christmas party! You should sneak into his! Must I remind you all the time about the stalker's code of conduct?'

'You made that code up! And who said I was stalking him?' Lazuli cried. Cara spent a lot of time while not at work stalking rugby players in their favourite haunts and befriending their girlfriends. A lot of rugby players split up with said girlfriends after that. Any spare time after that was spent stalking Rio.

'Even so,' Cara sniffed, 'you shouldn't get involved with a demon lord. Look what he did to Pizza Hut! Why don't you stalk someone normal, and do it normally?'

'Did you ever think there might be more to life than stalking Cara?' Lazuli asked bluntly. Cara just shrugged.

The song ended, and Sesshomaru finally managed to pry Sarah off him. He waded easily through the crowd.

'Hello Cara,' he said pleasantly when he reached them. Cara fainted. Lazuli sighed and shook her head wearily.

'She's always doing that,' she sighed.

They went over to get more punch, because Sesshomaru liked it, and because he also wanted some sushi, but wasn't brave enough to go and get it by himself. He said the acne riddled caterer looked 'scary'. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

She moved stealthily over to the DJ while Sesshomaru was drinking yet another glass of punch.

'Have you got any. . .Marilyn Manson?' she asked. The DJ shook his head. 'Metallica?' shake. 'Nightwish?' shake. 'Motorhead?' shake. 'Well, what the hell do you have? It's not as if they're small bands that nobody's heard of!'

'No, but they're not the kind of music people usually listen to. I agree with you, this music sucks, but I can't do anything about it,' the DJ said.

'What!'

While Lazuli was arguing with the DJ, Sarah had once again sidled up to Sesshomaru. He was itching for Tokijin, but then she started acting normally, totally different to before, and the demon lord found himself warming to her.

'Well, what about any Marilyn Manson songs covered by other people? You have to have one of them.'

'Yes, I can do that,' the DJ replied, relieved she was going to go away now.

'Thankyou,' Lazuli said graciously.

She turned. Her eyes narrowed. Sarah was there, talking to Sesshomaru, who was holding an empty glass of punch. After a while she walked away, a smirk plain on her face.

'Hey Sesshomaru, what did she want?' Lazuli asked.

'Oh nothing really,' he replied. 'I think she's quite nice, actually.'

'Yeah, when she wants to be,' Lazuli muttered.

Sesshomaru started laughing at nothing at all, until Lazuli asked what he was laughing at. Then sobered immediately. Then burst out laughing again.

'You're drunk, aren't you?' Lazuli said in amazement.

'Nope,' the demon lord replied, unable to keep a straight face.

'Yes you are!' Sesshomaru kept on sniggering, and pointed at the top of Lazuli's head.

'That hat is so funny!' he giggled. 'I want one!'

'You have one,' she replied slowly.

'Do I?' I must look like a pillock!' Sesshomaru was swaying slightly now, giggling like one of Santa's elves. They were getting stared at. And Lazuli had been worried about Rin and Jacken.

* * *

And with good reason. . .

'Aaaaaaaaaah! Master Jacken! Master Jacken!'

'What is it Rin?' Jacken asked, bemused.

'THERE! A spider! Get it! Get it!'

Jacken swung round, his chest puffed out in as manly a manner as possible, and let out an even higher pitched shriek than Rin. He leaped onto the sofa next to her.

'It's the curse of Santa Claws!' he declared at the top of his lungs.

'Master Jacken, I'm frightened,' Rin wailed.

'I know Rin, I know,' Jacken replied. 'If only I could reach the staff of two heads. . .' It was lying on the other end of the sofa. 'Aha!' cried Jacken, snatching the staff up. 'Now ye, dread creature, fear me!' he promptly coughed up a hairball, then tried to kill the spider.

The jet of flame missed it by an inch, and it scuttled to the side. Rin screamed and Jacken aimed again. And again. And again. And again. Each time the spider moved slightly, until there were scorch marks everywhere and it was hanging off the wall in the corner.

'Master Jacken,' Rin whispered, 'do you think it's dead?'

* * *

'Come on, Sesshomaru, let's go home, you're drunk.' Lazuli had been trying for the last five minutes to persuade the demon lord to follow her. She had tried coaxing, glaring, Haribos laid in a little trail along the floor, and no she was back to coaxing again.

'I don' wanna go,' Sesshomaru complained slurrily. 'And I'm not –' he fell forward onto Lazuli's shoulder, completely unconscious. She rolled her eyes as she dragged him outdoors.

'Ah-Un!' she scolded, 'Look at this mess!' Cars lay strewn about the car park, and one was burning. Ah-Un started to explain that he was cold and needed the exercise until he remembered he couldn't talk.

On the flight home, Sesshomaru sobered immediately. He groaned and sat up.

'Welcome back,' Lazuli said coldly.

'What happened?' he asked. His head felt like Tetsaiga had cleaved it in two.

'You got drunk and passed out,' she replied stiffly.

'I messed up, didn't I?'

'Cha!'

'I'm so sorry, Lazuli,' he said, and meant it. Lazuli had to control herself. Tokijin was only a few feet away.

When they got in, they found the door off its hinges. With a worried glance to each other they began to hurry down the drive, but slipped again on the ice. Sesshomaru skidded into the flowerbed and emerged with some winter shrub in his silver hair, spitting out earth.

Jacken and Rin were still in the living room, the spider holding them hostage on the sofa. It had disarmed Jacken with its dark spidery powers (actually, the imp had just been trembling so much that he had dropped the staff behind the spider) and was now staring at them cruelly though its eight eyes. It had a beard, and its body was slightly red,. Or so Jacken imagined. It was hypnotising them, it was –

'What the hell is going on here?' Lazuli cried, surveying the Dalmatian like living room.

'Lazuli!' Rin cried in relief, flinging herself into her friend's arms. 'Oh it was terrible! The pizza boy beat up Jacken, and then a huge spider came and tried to eat us!'

'Really?' Lazuli replied, 'where is this spider now?'

Rin pointed, trembling, to the carpet. Lazuli bent down to get a better look at the speck like money spider. She carefully scooped it up in her fingers and plopped it outside. 'There we are Rin, no more spider,' she said kindly. Jacken, overawed, had dropped to the ground at Lazuli's feet and was bowing to her like a god.

'Oh, great deliverer, goddess! I am forever in your debt, I owe my humble life to your battle prowess! I –'

'Get up, Jacken,' Sesshomaru growled. 'I take it you did this to my walls?' Jacken stumbled over his words, bowing up and down so rapidly he was almost a blur. Lazuli got dizzy just watching him.

'I'm going to head off,' she declared.

'Don't go, Lazuli!' Rin wailed, hugging Lazuli's knees. 'Who will save me from the spiders?'

'Rin, I can't stay, I have to work – if I still have a job,' she added savagely. Sesshomaru winced. 'Anyway, Rin, Lord Sesshomaru's here.'

'He's scared of spiders, ever since one bit him on the –' Sesshomaru cleared his throat loudly as Lazuli tried to pry Rin off her legs.

Sesshomaru followed her to her Fiesta. And slipped again, this time banging his head off the Fiesta.

'Now I have a dent in my car, thanks,' Lazuli said dryly, though not as cold as before.

'I'm so sorry Lazuli,' Sesshomaru said, 'You are a good friend, and I want to make it up to you.'

She seemed to think it through. 'OK, she began, 'You can make it up by coming to my mum's house tomorrow to put up Christmas decorations, and coming to Christmas dinner. And,' she added, 'If you sing and dance the Macarena three times through right now.'

'Do I have to?'

'I could make this wide scale public humiliation,' she informed him. Sesshomaru sighed in resignation and started to dance.

* * *

AAAAAAHHH!! My comedy is turning into fluff!!!! This wasn't supposed to happen! I will keep a tighter rein onn my imagination from now on, and if there is one more fluff chapter like this one, I'm ending the story -maybe I'll do a sequel which is meant to be fluff...gets ideas

Well, guys, the next one will be coming in about five minutes, au revoir!

Shadowxwolf (PS. Review please)


	10. Sesshomaru's Christmas, part2

So here we are, the second of my little Christmas treatrs for you lucky lucky readers. It's not fluff! YAY! Ahem, enjoy

* * *

Everyone piled onto Ah-Un while Sesshomaru tried to work the sat-nav. Lazuli had given the directions and address for her mother's house, and told him to be there at four. She said it was a tradition in her family that everyone who would attend Christmas dinner had to help put up decorations.

The sat-nav repeated the address back and zoomed through the route. And they were off. Rin practiced her new way of life by meditating on Ah-Un's back, Sesshomaru was watching traffic, and Jacken was being pounded in the face by dozens of late insects.

'Turn left, thirty yards ahead,' said the sat-nav in its cool voice. They were currently on a motorway going over a bridge with a river running through the bottom.

'Stupid thing,' muttered Sesshomaru crossly.

'Take the next right,' instructed the sat-nav. It was a one way street, and they were going the wrong way.

'You are in a field,' said the sat-nav. They were, in fact, about two streets away from Lazuli's mum's house, in the middle of a condensed mining village. Well, that was it. Sesshomaru lost his patience and the sat-nav broke the world record for furthest flying inanimate object.

'You have reached your destinaabs non,' the sat-nav amended meekly.

They dismounted and the demon lord told Ah-Un sternly that he was not allowed to destroy any more cars. Ah-Un dropped his heads sadly.

They knocked. A small woman opened the door and Christmas music drifted out onto the street. She peered at the trio carefully and said. 'No thankyou. Whatever you're selling, we're not buying!' and slammed the door in the demon lord's stunned face.

'Maybe we got the wrong house?' Rin suggested.

'No, lazuli definitely said number 8,' Sesshomaru replied. Just then the door opened again and a harassed looking Lazuli leaned out, apologising for her mother.

'I forgot to tell her you were coming over,' she explained.

Lazuli's mother (Carol) inspected them all one by one as they filed through the door. She glared suspiciously at Sesshomaru, took an instant liking to Rin, and did a double take when she got to Jacken.

'Are you sure this thing's sanitary, Sylvie?' she asked.

'He's fine, mum,' Lazuli sighed back.

'Well, why don't you take everybody into the living room and show them what to do? I'm just getting the last of the boxes from the attic.' Lazuli led all three of them into the living room, where there was a box of lights, baubles, tinsel, but no tree.

'What do you have to get from the attic, mum?' she called up the stairs.

'Just the tree, dear.'

Lazuli's eyes widened in horror. Glancing pointedly at Sesshomaru, she followed her mother up the stairs. 'Let us do it, mum,' she said hurriedly. They pushed past her mother to get to the upper hall, when two blurs ran past the opposite way and nearly knocked Lazuli over. 'Lord Sesshomaru, meet the twins, Toby and Daniel. Don't bother to figure out which is which, because I still can't tell.' She grinned.

The hatch to the attic was open, and a ladder reached into the gaping black hole like a car into Ah-Un's mouth.

'Why does your mum call you Sylvie? And why am I the one going up the ladder?' Sesshomaru asked as he climbed.

'She calls me Sylvie because that is my first name. Lazuli is my second and I like it a lot better. Secondly, you're going up the ladder because I don't like heights.'

'Why isn't your mum doing this?'

'Because she refuses to step on the ladder.'

Sesshomaru's head disappeared into the dark recess of the attic. 'I can't see anything,' he called down. Lazuli told him to look for the lightswitch that should be behind his head. He felt around for it, and brushed the catch for something. All Lazuli heard after that was a huge thud and an 'oomf!'. The door of the attic had fallen on the demon lord's head.

'Are you OK?'

'Just my skull,' Sesshomaru replied. He had finally found the switch. 'So, what am I looking for?'

'The big box with a Christmas tree on the side,' she replied. 'Yeah, that's it.'

He brought down the big box and met the eager stares of two ten-year-old boys.

'Are those real swords?' one of them asked.

'Can we touch them?' asked the other. Lazuli came to the demon lord's rescue.

'Leave Sesshomaru alone. Go on, do something useful and take this downstairs,' she instructed, handing them the tree.

'Hey, Lazuli! Do you want to see Percy? You can come too, Sess. . .'

'Sesshomaru.'

'Yeah, that – come on!' Toby yanked on his sister's hand and dragged him into his bedroom. Percy, it turned out, was a cockatoo. He flew onto Sesshomaru's shoulder as soon as the cage opened.

'I think he likes you,' Lazuli said. There was a dull squelch and Percy flew onto Toby's shoulder instead. 'Or not. Come on, let's get you something to wipe that off.'

'What did he do? What did he do?' Sesshomaru demanded, trying to turn to see what the parrot had done on his back.

A few minutes later, the tree was unpacked and Toby and Daniel were somewhere in the house, trying to kidnap Jacken in the box. Lazuli and Sesshomaru could hear them following the imp's terrorised screams up and down the stairs. Rin was in the kitchen, helping Carol make the Christmas cake, leaving Lazuli and Sesshomaru to set up the tree.

A lot of branches had fallen off since last year, and it was the demon lord who figured out how to put them back on, so Lazuli left him to do that while she disentangled the lights. There was a sudden crash as the tree came loose of its brackets and fell on top of Sesshomaru, who was sprawled comically underneath. She couldn't help but laugh as she hauled it off him.

'What was that?' Carol called.

'Nothing mum, just the tree trying to kill Sesshomaru,' Lazuli laughed back.

'That's all right then.'

'Don't worry, Sesshy, she likes you really,' she reassured him.

'Don't call me Sesshy!' Sesshy protested.

'Help me put the lights on.'

They wound the lights all around the tree, and there were so many they had to do it again, and again and again. Once, Lazuli emitted a strangled sound because she had somehow managed to wrap the lights around her neck and it took five minutes to get them off.

Next came the baubles. Lazuli just put them on randomly, deciding where they looked good, but Sesshomaru was more systematic. He laid all of his half out in order of colour and size. Suddenly there was a fluttering of wings as Percy flew into the room and perched on the top of the tree.

'You're not the Christmas angel,' Lazuli murmured.

'What was that?'

'Oh nothing, just talking to the bird,' Lazuli replied.

'You know, talking to animals is meant to be a sign of insanity,' Sesshomaru pointed out.

'No, that's talking to yourself,' Lazuli corrected. 'Second sign is hairs on the palms.' Sesshomaru quickly glanced down at his hands. 'And the third sign is looking for them,' she giggled. Suddenly her eyes widened. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Tobi was putting crumbs of bird food on Sesshomaru's head so lightly that he didn't notice. He put a finger to his lips and pointed at Percy.

'What is it?' Sesshomaru asked when he saw her expression.

'Nothing,' she mumbled, turning away. Percy was watching Sesshomaru avidly. Suddenly he flew down onto the demon lord's head. Sesshomaru squeaked and fell of his chair, and Lazuli couldn't breathe for laughing. She high-fived her little brother and shooed him away before Sesshomaru had chance to use Tokijin.

'That bird messed up my hair!' he complained.

'Oh, come on, Sesshomaru, it was funny!' He just scowled in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

Carol came through to inspect their handiwork, sniffing at the good job they had done. Toby and Daniel had managed to get Jacken and were holding him hostage in the Christmas tree box, telling Sesshomaru that they would only let him out if he gave them one of his swords. Sesshomaru eventually gave up under threats of Percy, and let them play with Tenseiga for a while. After all, what harm could they do with a sword that wouldn't kill anybody? Quite a lot, apparently. They managed to fell the giant bookshelf in the hall, despite it being attached to the wall. At which point they gave Tenseiga back and said it was all Sesshomaru's fault. Carol glared at him in a very Carol-like way, not nearly intimidating to Sesshomaru.

They all got to stir the cake mix before they left, and make a wish. Jacken's wish was to be allowed out of the box, after which he obediently crawled back inside and awaited rescue. Rin wished for world peace, and Sesshomaru was hoping that Lazuli would never make him dance again. It really annoyed him that he didn't know what Lazuli had wished for, and that her face was strangely smug when she left the kitchen.

* * *

Two weeks later, on Christmas day, Sesshomaru, Rin and Jacken came over for Christmas dinner. It smelled wonderful. Sesshomaru was so enthralled by the scent of goose that he forgot about the low-dangling hall light and walked into it. Lazuli sniggered.

'You're just in time,' she said, 'Mum's plating up now.'

'Sorry, Lazuli, Ah-Un had a stomach ache, too much exhaust, I think, and we had to get a taxi.'

'It's fine.' And Lazuli was glad to see that Sesshomaru had turned up in the outfit he wore to the Christmas party. He had even left his swords behind.

They all sat round the dining room table in candlelight. Daniel caught sight of Jacken and made him sit between them, pretending he was a giant monster out to get 'princess Rin'. Lazuli went through to help bring out the starter (grilled mushroom with cheese and bacon), before sitting down between Sesshomaru and her mother.

'Cracker, Sesshomaru?' she asked, holding one out teasingly. There was a quiet bang that sent Jacken diving under the table.

'It's OK, mate,' Daniel said. 'It's only a cracker.'

'This is the worst holiday ever invented,' Jacken moaned. 'First a man in a blood red suit who eats children, now guns!' it was too much for his tiny imp mind to take in.

'Come on Sesshomaru, put your hat on,' Lazuli demanded, unfolding it for him.

'I don't want a hat,' he said stubbornly. Lazuli, therefore, put the hat on for him and pulled it down over his eyes.

'There,' she said, grinning, 'It's not a hat anymore.' She pulled another cracker with Rin and won, and Sesshomaru got his revenge by pulling her hat over her eyes and keeping it there.

When the goose came out, Jacken's eyes went wild. It was bigger than him!

'Help yourselves,' said Carol happily, scooping roast potatoes onto her plate. Jacken didn't quite get the idea. He abandoned his plate and lunged at the goose. Daniel and Toby thought it was a great idea and joined in. Lazuli held her head in her hands. Percy flew down and landed on Toby's shoulder, where he squatted while being fed titbits of carrot from his master's mouth.

'Toby!' said Carol sharply, 'Not at the table please.'

Rin, meanwhile, was annoying Daniel with the toy feather duster in her cracker. They were swapping favourite movies, and they had surprisingly similar taste.

'I like the Care Bears,' Jacken piped up, afraid he was being left out. Everything around the table stopped moving and Jacken seemed to melt into his chair.

Afterwards was the present swapping. The twins had opened most of theirs already, but were only too happy to receive one more each from Lazuli and Sesshomaru. They got model planes from Lazuli, and toy swords from Sesshomaru, which they started whacking each other with immediately.

Lazuli got Rin a flying pig, Jacken got a My Little Pony, and Sesshomaru got a three in one board game – reversi, checkers and chess.

'Do you know how to play these?' he asked dubiously.

'I know the rules,' she replied with a shrug.

'Your turn!' He pulled out a squashy package which turned out to be one of those really comfortable pillows. Carol was given a Japanese cookbook, and in return the demon lord got a Christmas cake, because he had liked licking the bowl when the mixture had gone into the oven.

For the rest of the night they played monopoly. Lazuli and Rin, Sesshomaru and Jacken, the twins, and Carol were all on separate teams, but by the end, and Lazuli's random and none existent strategy (buy everything and get round quickly), they won. Sesshomaru pouted and Jacken burst into tears as the duo high-fived each other in victory.

Finally, when Sesshomaru insisted on it be way past Jacken's bedtime, they left. A fine blanket of white had settled on the ground, and more snow was falling.

'Yay, snow!' Rin cried.

'Shh! Keep it down, Rin, you don't want the twins to find out,' Lazuli whispered. 'I'll see you around, yeah?' she said, hugging Rin. 'Merry Christmas!'

'You too!' came the replies.

A mound of snow was placed invitingly on the gate of the house, and Lazuli just couldn't resist. Smack! A large wad of snow hit the demon lord just below the ear, and when he turned round, furious, Lazuli was standing there innocently, trying not to laugh out loud.

'So, that's the game you want to play, is it?' he said mischievously, picking up his own snowball. Instead of throwing it, he walked determinedly to where Lazuli was standing, watching with delight as her expression grew more and more wary. He struck suddenly, ramming the snow down the back of her top and sprinting away before she had chance to murder him. A procession of death threats and swearing followed him up the street.

'That's not ladylike behaviour, Lazuli!' he called back, chuckling.

* * *

ah, that's much better, Sesshomaru getting snowballed in the head and a tree falling on top of him. What would we do if we didn't have physical comedy?

See y'all in the New Year!

Shadowxwolf (PS, review please)


	11. Sesshomaru's Random New Year

I've lost count of how many chapters I've done, which I've only done because there have been so many reviews from you lovely people. Props for this chapter go to Ekoaleko, who suggested an amusement park, and to all the reviewers who suggested something to do with New Year's. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything that funny to do with New Year's, because Sesshomaru has already been drunk and Jacken always acts like he is, so I incorporated it. Why am I babbling? Time to get on with the story I think...

* * *

Jacken was staring angrily at the new My Little Pony calendar he had. Several nails were littering the floor bent out of shape, and the imp's fingers were wrapped with bandages. He had been trying to hang it on his wall, and was failing miserably. And there was only five minutes to go until New Year! One of Rin's friends had told him it was unlucky to not have a calendar on the wall at New Year.

'I know,' he said suddenly, 'I'll ask Lord Sesshomaru if he can do it properly. He dropped the hammer he was using so he could run out the door and down the stairs. But there was one problem. The hammer landed on his foot. I never knew Jacken knew swear words, but apparently he had been secretly learning them off Rin. 'Damn canafrajaraja,' he growled, hopping on his other foot. It caught on a trailing bandage and . . .

Downstairs, all Sesshomaru heard was a dull thunk and a muffled squeal.

'I suppose I'd better go and see what he's done this time,' he sighed, setting down his champagne. He wobbled slightly, because he was slightly tipsy, and walked out of the room.

'Hurry, Sesshy!' Lazuli called from behind him, 'or you'll miss the fireworks!'

'Sesshomaru!' he corrected automatically. She rolled her eyes.

It took nearly five minutes to calm Jacken down and explain to him that it wasn't bad luck not to have a calendar. Lazuli rebandaged his hands while Sesshomaru put up the calendar to keep him happy. Then they all went downstairs to watch the countdown in London.

'Five, four, three, two, one!' They chanted together. The TV screen exploded with fireworks. Rin giggled at the pretty colours. Lazuli let loose a party popper on Sesshomaru, who ducked like cannon ball was after him when it popped. Jacken, who was scared of loud noises, and Santa, squeaked and stuffed his head under the cushions, his bottom in the air. Everyone else was too busy drinking and dancing to notice though. Lazuli was the first to get dizzy and fall over, taking the paper banners they had strung up with her.

'Are you OK?' Rin asked.

'Fine,' Lazuli hiccoughed. 'I think, I have a proposal to make.'

'What is it?'

'Sesshomaru,' she said, stumbling onto one knee, 'Will you marry me?'

Sesshomaru blanched, then went totally scarlet. 'Are you drunk, Lazuli?' he asked finally.

She swayed for a second, considering. 'Extremely, or so it seems,' she informed him. Rin was laughing madly at the inane smile on Lazuli's face. 'I was joking, by the way,' she continued. 'My real suggestion was that we all go to Alton Towers tomorrow, as a New Year's celebration.'

'Ooh, yes, let's!' Rin squealed delightedly, jumping up and down and clapping her hands together. And she went on talking about the various rides at Alton Towers for about half an hour.

'Excellent!' Lazuli cried drunkenly, 'That's settled then.'

* * *

The car park was packed. It was very cold, and the four of them had to walk almost a quarter of a mile to get to the extremely long queues. Lazuli still had a hangover.

'Hello,' said the cheerful young blonde at the ticket booth when they finally arrived. She looked caught somewhere between fancying him, and being completely terrified of him. 'What can I do for you?'

'Four tickets, please,' Sesshomaru replied. 'Two adults and two children.'

'Erm, I'm sorry sir, but the only pets allowed are guide dogs. That'll have to wait in the car,' she said, pointing to Jacken. The imp looked affronted. Sesshomaru glared at her in a very Sesshomaru-like way, and she gulped. But also looked slightly turned on, much to Lazuli's annoyance.

'Of course, it looks very well trained, so maybe we can make an exception. But you'll have to pay adult price for it.' Sesshomaru glared again, and the ticket girl quickly remedied that.

With their tickets in hand, Sesshomaru, Rin, Jacken and Lazuli set out into the park, looking for rides.

'We have to go on Oblivion,' Lazuli said, looking on one of the maps to see where they are. 'And Rita, and Air.'

There was one problem though. Neither Rin nor Jacken were allowed on any of the big rides because they were too small. So, Jacken was made to babysit while Sesshomaru and Lazuli went on Rita.

The harnesses were being fastened down when somebody very wobbly approached the seat next to her, dressed in a brown longcoat.

'Psst! Psst! Lazuli, it's us!' Rin giggled from beneath the coat. Jacken was standing on top of her shoulders as they got strapped in. Lazuli was trying very hard not to laugh.

'Are you sure you want to do this? Rita goes quite fast.'

'Fine,' Jacken said, 'Just f-'

Rita suddenly sped off, accelerating to its incredible top speed in 2 seconds. Jacken, needless to say was flung out of his seat by the g-force, because he was too small to be strapped in. His face rippled and his eyes bulged as he tried to hold on with his spindly fingers. When the ride was over, he slumped over the side like bony gloop. He was now terrified of rollercoasters as well as loud noises, Santa, and spiders. Sesshomaru was really upset because his hair was now a mess. But Rin loved it.

'We are never doing that again,' Sesshomaru growled, pulling a comb out of his sash. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

Excluding Jacken slipping on a hotdog and covering Sesshomaru in ketchup, mustard and onions, nothing else funny happened at Alton Towers, since Sesshomaru refused to go on any of the big rollercoasters, and Jacken hid in a bin for most of the day. Until. . .

It was surprisingly quiet at Alton Towers, and some of the queues were only half-an-hour long. However, in amongst all the Japanese tourists and speed junkies was one guy in a red outfit with strangely familiar hair. Lazuli spotted him first, her eyes locking with Kagome's.

'Let's go this way,' she suggested, steering the demon lord away from Inuyasha, but too late.

'Sesshomaru!'

Lazuli cringed as people ran, screaming from Tetsaiga. The demon lord rolled his eyes.

'Well well well, little brother, what are the chances of you being here?' he said silkily. 'And before you try to overload your brain trying to work out the answer, I think you should know: it was a rhetorical question.'

'Ha!' Inuyasha cried, really loudly, from across the theme park. In an aside he whispered to Kagome 'what does rhetorical mean?' She rolled her eyes and sat down on a bench next to Lazuli.

'We should have brought popcorn,' Lazuli said drily as the two males squared up to each other. Kagome agreed.

'I think we should swap numbers, and tell each other where we're going so this doesn't happen.'

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha were swapping insults.

'I've still got to repay you for making me pay for your dry-cleaning,' Inuyasha hollered.

'I won that fight fairly, little brother, as I win every fight between us.' Sesshomaru replied coolly.

'Yeah right!'

'It is truly unfortunate that your mongrel blood makes you too stupid to see it.' Inuyasha's face literally went red, although it was difficult to tell whether it was just the angle of the light reflecting off the clothes that he never seemed to change. He snapped and to huge swing with Tetsaiga that made him overbalance and fall over. Sesshomaru dodged and the strike destroyed Air instead. He lashed out at Inuyasha but caught one of the carousel ponies and toppled that.

'The collateral expenses of this are going to be huge,' Lazuli groaned. 'Wake me up when they're bored.'

'Can't you stop them?' Kagome cried.

'No'

'You did in Pizza Hut!'

'Yes, but then, they hadn't actually started trying to kill each other yet.'

'Kagome!' hollered Inuyasha, 'Why are you fraternising with the enemy?'

'Oh, shut up, half-breed, before you lose some part of your anatomy,' Lazuli retorted. Inuyasha made a beeline for her, but Sesshomaru got there first.

'Don't you dare,' he growled.

By that time, animal control had arrived along with about forty S.W.A.T cars. Only one dart took Inuyasha down, and Rin and Jacken managed to distracted 'the Man' long enough for Lazuli to smuggle the demon lord out before they could be charged for anything.

On the way back though, it was getting late and they still had a long way to travel, so Jacken insisted, because he was very impressionable, suggested that they got some fast food. Lazuli suddenly lost her appetite.

There was a line of cars behind the little Fiesta because Sesshomaru couldn't make up his mind, and when he finally chose a McChicken Premiere, he managed to squirt the sauce all the way down his front. So the day ended with another trip to the dry-cleaners. Lazuli had to lend Sesshomaru her leather jacket, because, apart from the fur that had stayed clean, all of his clothes had to go in the wash. He was careful not to slip on the tiles while they waited for his stuff to be washed. As for Lazuli, she couldn't stop laughing as the demon lord perched on the edge of the seat in nothing but a leather jacket that didn't even reach to his knees, barely covering his black silk underwear.

* * *

Hehehe, that image will stay with me for a while...You know the drill, review please!

Shadowxwolf


	12. Sesshomaru Goes To The Vet

This s the revise version of this chapter, because when I originally wrote it, I couldn't get into it. Hopefully all the crappiness has been scratched from this so you can all enjoy it!

* * *

The phone burred on the top of the chest of drawers, and its owner groaned as the sound dredged her from sleep. 3 am. 3 bloody am. She picked it up with bleary eyes to see who was calling her at this godforsaken time in the morning. She was going to KILL Sesshomaru. But she picked up the call anyway.

'What is it?' she croaked.

'Lazuli, are you all right?' came the demon lord's worried voice on the other end.

'No, yeah, I'm usually up about four hours before the sun, didn't you know?' she replied, sarcasm dripping like acid from her voice.

'Erm. . .'

'Tell me what it is, Sesshomaru, so there's a reason for me to be awake and not murdering you for it,' Lazuli growled, settling back into her pillow, which was lovely and comfortable and so inviting.

'Ah-Un's somehow got a sprained ankle and I need a car for tomorrow,' Sesshomaru said quickly. She could almost hear him wincing, which was satisfying.

'You woke me up for that?' she screeched in a very un-Lazuli-like way. Well, she was still half asleep.

'Erm. . .'

'If that's all, can I go back to sleep?' Doesn't matter, she was already nodding off.

'Yes, sorry.'

'Fine take the car, just let me sleep.'

'Thanks, Laz-' But Lazuli, tired of the conversation, and just tired in general, had already switched off the phone and rolled over.

The next morning Lazuli drove her little Fiesta round to Sesshomaru's house, thinking about Tokijin all the way. Sesshomaru wouldn't miss it for five minutes, would he? Seriously, interrupting her sleep pattern was one thing everyone should avoid.

It turned out the crisis was Jacken, as usual. He had gone downstairs in the night to look for a snack, because in his words, 'his tummy was growling at him and giving him nightmares about talking gherkins, and had somehow swallowed a cork. After trying (and failing) to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on himself, he had immediately run into Sesshomaru's bedroom, wailing about how he was going to die. He also flapped his arms about a lot. And jumped on the bed. And jumped on Sesshomaru. And had promptly flown down the stairs, forgetting to brake at the bottom. Sesshomaru had told him it could wait until the morning, but Jacken started running around the kitchen, banging into cupboards and shelves because he forgot he couldn't see in the dark. So, all hope of a good night's sleep evaporated, Sesshomaru had phoned Lazuli at 3am.

When she arrived at the house, she seemed cheerful enough, but Sesshomaru, who had been on the receiving end of her passive aggressive behaviour before, was a little nervous.

'Morning, Sesshy,' she said.

'Are you all right with me waking you up last night?' Sesshomaru asked, ignoring his 'nickname'.

'Perfectly, never been better,' she replied. 'Can I please borrow Tokijin?'

'Why?' he asked suspiciously.

'No reason,' she beamed. The demon lord thought it better not to give her his demonic and totally destructive sword at that moment in time.

At the vet surgery, there was a lot of yapping and squawking and meowing and all at once, all the animals possibly conspiring to give the demon lord a headache. Jacken fingered the Staff of Two Heads nervously, eyeing a large bull mastiff that was growling at him from a corner. He growled back at it and the dog launched itself at him. Jacken screamed and clambered onto Sesshomaru's 

shoulder, clinging on for dear life as the massive snapped at him from an inch away, held off by Sesshomaru, who had hold of the animal's jaw in one hand and looked bored and annoyed.

A large woman smelling very strongly of some sort of perfume plonked herself beside the demon lord, her Pomeranian yapping at all the other dogs below it. A tick started to go in Sesshomaru's cheek.

'It's OK, he just doesn't like being here,' the woman explained plumply. 'He's here for his. . .' she covered the dog's ears delicately 'injections,' she whispered. The Pomeranian sniffed at Jacken and tried to cock his leg, just as Jacken heard the magic word.

'Injections!' he cried. You never believed he could move so fast. 'Let me out! Let me out!' he all but screamed, trying to pull the door to the surgery open (everyone else pushed). Sesshomaru would have rolled his eyes if he didn't think it beneath his dignity, and he rose to pick his vassal up by the scruff of the neck and fight the urge to kick him. Lazuli had once warned him about physical abuse in public.

'What's your, umm, pet, in for then?' the woman continued conversationally. Sesshomaru said nothing. He sat and stared straight ahead.

'I am not a pet,' Jacken said indignantly. 'I am Lord Sesshomaru's vassal.'

'Ooh, you've got him well trained, haven't you?' the woman squealed. 'How did you train him to talk?' Still Sesshomaru said nothing. 'You know, I've tried all kinds of ways to train my Pumpkin, but he just refuses to learn!' she tittered and Sesshomaru's eye twitched at the corner again.

'Sesshomaru and Jacken,' the receptionist called. Sesshomaru rose without a sound and went into the vet's room with Jacken. The vet told the demon lord to pop Jacken on the table.

'Now, err, what kind of animal is he?' the vet asked, examining Jacken's teeth and fingernails, and looking in his eyes.

'He's an imp,' the demon lord replied. 'He says he swallowed a cork.'

'Hmm. Is that a type of lizard?' asked the vet, who had never treated an imp before.

'Get that light out of my eyes!' Jacken shrieked, swelling indignantly at being called 'a type of lizard'. The vet jumped back as though he had been bitten. He put the eye looker-atter away though.

'A cork, you say?' Sesshomaru nodded. The vet moved around behind Jacken and put his fingers against his midsection. Jacken yelped like he had been burned. He also tried to bite the vet for manhandling him. The vet decided he might have to get a muzzle, but Sesshomaru assured him it wouldn't be necessary.

'Jacken,' he warned. 'I'm already in trouble with Lazuli, and it's your fault. Don't make it worse for yourself.' The imp submitted pretty quickly.

The vet felt around Jacken's abdomen with a lot of umming and aahing. Finally he said 'Yup, there's definitely something in there. We have to operate.'

'What does that mean?' Jacken asked.

He soon found out: it meant he was put into a small cage with dogs (including that bull mastiff that seemed hell bent on murdering him), and given no food or water and he wasn't even allowed his My Little Pony dressing gown. How was torture meant to make him better?

They came in the middle of the night, to kidnap him. They wore masks and strange plastic overalls. Something stabbed into his arm. He had seen this on ET. They were going to experiment on him. They were going to stick a probe up his. . .

The anaesthetic worked quickly. The vet had had to guess at the dosage, ssince he had never treated an imp before, and their anatomy was nowhere to be found in any of his college textbooks. This 

animal was probably some new breed and his owner was a ridiculously rich tortured artist with too much time on his hands.

The operation went well, and the cork was extracted with little difficulty. The vet rang early the next morning to tell Sesshomaru he could take Jacken home.

'I can't wait to show Rin my new cool stitches and scar!' Jacken said happily as he sat in the front seat of the Fiesta three days later. He was still high from the anaesthetic, and so Sesshomaru had had to sellotape him to the seat to stop him bouncing everywhere.

'Lord Sesshomaru?' Jacken asked suddenly.

'What is it Jacken?' asked Sesshomaru, who was now being called 'good doggy' by Lazuli in retribution for waking her up early the week before.

'Why is the sky pink?'

Reviews are nice and make me happy and make me write more (hinthint)


	13. Sesshomaru Goes On A Date

Oh, it's been so long since I've given you a decent chapter, so here we are, I hope this one makes up that appalling excuse for chapter watever it was - I've lost count. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Rin was very giggly today, for some odd reason. Sesshomaru put it to the back of his mind because the biggest problem he had at the moment was finding somebody to babysit Rin and Jacken. After the incident at Christmas, when Jacken had nearly burned down the house by trying to kill a spider with the Staff of Two Heads, he hadn't trusted the imp alone in the house.

'I think I should be allowed,' Jacken huffed when Sesshomaru had told him he wanted a babysitter.

'Jacken. I don't think responsible people swallow corks in the middle of the night,' was Sesshomaru's reply. Jacken scowled but shut up, because he didn't want to be kicked down the stairs again.

So here the demon lord was, outside the school gates, due to go out in about three hours, and with nobody to babysit. Great. But then, there are a lot of coincidences in the world, and at tat exact moment, Rin shouted 'Lazuli!' and raced over the grass to a woman walking along the pavement.

'Hey Rin,' Lazuli greeted casually. 'What's up?'

'Lord Sesshomaru's going out tonight, and we don't have anyone to babysit us!' Rin complained in that high pitched voice small children often do.

'Really? Where's he going?'

Rin leaned in secretively. 'On a date,' she giggled. Lazuli froze for a moment. Sesshomaru. On a date. The idea was very funny. She pictured him in full ceremonial dress on one knee in a pose similar to Romeo and Juliet. She had to smirk when she imagined some trilling voice going 'Wherefore art thou Sesshomaru?'

Rin was tugging on her hand. 'Will you look after us?' she pleaded, making her eyes round, puppy-like discs of cuteness. Cuteness didn't work on Lazuli; curiosity did.

'Hey, Sesshy,' she said.

'Sesshomaru!' he growled.

'Whatever.' He glared at her in a very Sesshomaru-like way, but she ignored it, as usual. She was ten times as scary as he was. 'Rin here tells me you're going on a date.' She had that glint in her eyes that meant trouble.

'Yes, I am,' he said.

'So?'

'So what?'

'Who's the lucky lady – or guy?'

'What are you implying?' he asked suspiciously.

'Nothing at all, Sesshy,' Lazuli replied innocently, 'Just answer the question.' She must be in a really good mood today, Sesshomaru thought, otherwise she wouldn't be teasing him so much.

'What are you doing walking down this street? You don't live anywhere near here, do you?' he asked to try and change the subject.

'My dad does though, and I, like a pillock, got off at the wrong bus stop, so I've had to walk. And stop trying to change the subject,' Lazuli added. 'Who're you going out with?' Busted.

'It's Sarah,' he replied, almost defiantly. Lazuli didn't seem to realise what he'd said, so he added. 'Your boss.'

Lazuli pretended to swoon but danced away when Sesshomaru tried to stop her falling. 'What the heck are you doing wanting to go out with that b-woman?' Oops, kids around, no swearing allowed. 'Out of all the people at that party, you had to choose her. Why? Are you on crack?' she finished suspiciously. She had actually said all of this in one breath and Sesshomaru was looking nonplussed.

'Of course I'm not on crack!'

'Are you sure? Crack makes you do crazy things.'

'No. And I am not crazy.'

'You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Or is that madness? The second sign of madness is hair on your palms –' Jacken looked down quickly 'and the third sign is looking for them Jacken,' she added, glancing at him. Jacken exploded, running round them in circles, crying 'I'm mad! I'm mad!' again and again. Everyone else obviously ignored him.

'What's wrong with Sarah?' Sesshomaru wanted to know. 'She's nice.'

'She's my arch-enemy!' Lazuli cried. 'You can't go out with friends' nemeses, Sesshy!'

'So you won't look after Rin and Jacken tonight then?' the demon lord asked heatedly.

'Yeah, sure, why not? It'll be a laugh. What time should I come over?'

Sesshomaru, stunned with the way Lazuli had thrown him completely, said 'seven.'

At seven o'clock, Lazuli came over. She came in of her own accord, because she'd managed to get a key from somewhere. Not that Sesshomaru minded Lazuli having a key, it was just the fact that one minute she hadn't been there, and then she was, was slightly off-putting. The demon lord was wearing a navy-coloured blazer with an open neck blue shirt and dark trousers. He looked quite hot in the outfit, although Lazuli told herself she didn't think that. She had.

'So where exactly are you going?' she asked casually.

'The Indian in town. Sarah likes curry,' he replied tentatively, fearing another explosion. But Lazuli seemed to have cooled down after three hours.

'Watch out for the small ones,' she advised.

'What?'

'You heard me.' Sesshomaru thought Lazuli was being unnecessarily hormonal this evening. Not that he said anything of course.

Once Sesshomaru was out of the picture, Rin wanted to know what they were going to do for the evening.

'Well,' Lazuli said, 'how about a DVD?'

'Oh yippee!' cried Jacken, and raced upstairs to get to get his favourite movie. It turned out to be My Little Pony. Rin turned her nose up at it and said it was babyish, which made Jacken burst into tears. This was why Lazuli wasn't often a babysitter.

'Look, I k now,' she said, just to calm everyone down, 'I have a DVD we can all watch.'

'But I want to watch My Little Pony!' the imp wailed. Lazuli rolled her eyes.

'Why don't you make us some popcorn, Jacken? At least give my movie a chance.'

'What is it?' he asked grumpily.

'Labyrinth. You'd like it Jacken – it has goblins in it.' Jacken brightened at the chance to make popcorn, though he had no idea what goblins were. They sounded scary.

Sesshomaru, meanwhile, was waiting outside the curry house for Sarah to turn up. It was quite windy, and as he was standing there one particularly strong gust blew a newspaper into his face. He spluttered and wrestled with it for a second before he was able to pull it away. The headline read 'Car destroying monster still at large'. Lucky thing Ah-Un had been tied up in the middle of a field.

He noticed his date approaching in clothes so fashionable she must have only bought them that day, and heels she looked like she could hardly walk in, especially in the high wind.

'Hey,' he called.

'Hiya, handsome,' she crooned back, walking up to plant a kiss on each cheek. Sesshomaru was blushing and feeling just as uncomfortable as when his towel had slipped off in Dubai. That was a memory he could do without.

'Shall we go in?' he asked.

'Sure.'

The inside of the restaurant was decked out with statues of Hindu gods and swathes of some scarlet floaty material. They met with the receptionist who asked them what name they reserved under. Apparently there was no record of a 'Sesshomaru' having booked a table. Jacken had reserved the table, and Sesshomaru was both regretting it and thinking of cruel and unusual punishments for his vassal. The thought of drowning the imp in a vat of Greek yoghurt cheered him up a little. But it didn't solve the problem of the reservation. Eventually, the demon lord lost his temper and drew Tokijin from its sheath, and threatened the receptionist in a very predictable and Sesshomaru-like way. Sarah looked shocked.

'Of course, here you are sir! How silly of me to have missed it!' the receptionist cowered. 'Right this way.'

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let Jacken make the popcorn. First of all, he didn't know how to use a microwave, and ended up carbonising the first batch. Then when the second batch (carefully monitored by Rin, who was having a smashing time supervising him with a wooden ladle in her hand) came out, he managed to get most of it stuck to him with the syrup. Eventually Lazuli got sick of telling him off and just did it herself. Jacken in the meantime was busy licking all the popcorn off his face with an extremely weird and long tongue.

Eventually all three managed to sit down on the sofa, Lazuli in the middle, with Rin resting her head on the babysitter's shoulder (Jacken had been prohibited from doing this on account of syrup still covering his face). They pressed play on the DVD player, and skipped through the trailers for other things. Soon the theme song came on with the credits. Rin wasn't very impressed with the CG barn owl at the beginning.

'Well, it was made in the 1980s, Rin,' Lazuli placated her through a mouthful of popcorn.

They came to the Goblin King's entrance, and Jacken yelped when the crystal turned into a snake. Then he screamed again and started running in circles, his hands clamped over his mouth. The two girls watched him confusedly for a few moments, before Lazuli thought she should better put a stop to the scene.

'Jacken, what's wrong?' She had to holler over his squeals.

'I'm going to die! I'm going to die!' he screamed hysterically. Was that it?

'Look, Jacken, The Goblin King isn't real, he's only in the movie,' she tried to explain to the imp. His eyes widened and he shook his head emphatically.

'It's not that! Look!' He stuck his tongue out and it was a while before Lazuli realised what had happened.

'You bit your tongue?'

'Yes!'

'So?' Jacken's horrified look told lazuli she shouldn't have said that. He wailed that she didn't care, and that he was going to tell Lord Sesshomaru about her neglect and he would call social services and then she would go to prison and she would be very sorry for not taking him seriously. Rin glared at him, appalled.

Lazuli finally managed to calm him down enough to ask why biting his tongue was such a big deal. As he explained, his eyes welled up and he looked so pathetic it was almost funny. He wouldn't shut up until Lazuli agreed to phone Sesshomaru. The demon lord wouldn't like this, she thought to herself as she dialled.

Sesshomaru's ringtone was very peculiar. It was 'Change the World', which he liked for some unknown reason. Who would be ringing him though? Nobody had his number apart from Lazuli and what would she need him for? He had always been under the impression she could handle anything.

Sarah's lips were pursed as he answered. It wasn't as if conversation had been brought to an abrupt halt either, because they had both just sat there fiddling with the tablecloth. Some date.

'Hello? Lazuli, hi,' Sesshomaru spoke into the phone. If anything, Sarah's expression grew meaner at the mention of her nemesis. 'What? Say that again. Slow down. Jacken did what? No, he's not poisonous, why? Ok. . .' Jacken was going to die a slow and painful death at the end of this, of that Sesshomaru was sure.

'So how's it going?' Lazuli teased once the important stuff was out of the way.

'All right,' he replied.

'Just all right? Isn't she rocking your world yet?'

'What are you on about Lazuli?' Sesshomaru demanded. He could just imagine her doubled up laughing at him.

'Nothing, Sesshy, nothing at all. Ignore me. You should probably get off the phone now – I can feel Sarah's gaze trying to laser you into oblivion. Bye!'

She hung up! Just like that! Oh well. Lazuli was right about Sarah though. She was sitting there with narrowed eyes.

'Ah, here comes the food!' Sesshomaru said, surprised that the food was actually coming, because he had only said that to distract her.

Sesshomaru had ordered one of the hottest curries on the menu, and was surprised at how mild it was. He wolfed down his meal while Sarah picked delicately at her korma. He was addicted to the poppadoms as well. It got to the last spoonful of curry. There was a strange red vegetable in it. It couldn't do any harm. Not at first.

A small warmth first crept up Sesshomaru's neck; then his tongue began to prickle. Something was wrong, or so Sesshomaru realised as his tongue felt like it was on fire.

'Um,' he gasped. But all cognitive speech escaped him from then on. The chilli had completely numbed his tongue, apart from burning it into oblivion. His glass of wine was not enough, and he accosted the nearest waiter for a jug of water. But not being able to talk, the demon lord had to use wild gesticulations for 'jug of iced water'.

Sarah watched the demon lord with disapproval as he cried 'whadar!' at the poor waiter and pointed at his tongue. Behind his desperate need for liquid, Sesshomaru noted that Lazuli would have laughed, or swallowed her own chilli to join in. Oh well.

Lazuli had never thought she would get them to bed on time. Jacken had insisted there was a monster under his bed, and then when that theory had been disproved, he swore it had moved into his Tomas the Tank Engine curtains. Rin hadn't been so bad. She had faced Lazuli with something very profound.

'I wish Lord Sesshomaru was going out with you instead of that other woman,' she said.

'Don't you like Sarah?'

'No'

'Me neither,' Lazuli replied secretively.

'Why don't you go out with him then?' Oh, the bluntness of children.

'Because I'd annoy Sesshomaru too much. Besides, if I was out, who would babysit? Goodnight, Rin,' Lazuli said, turning off the light.

About half an hour later, Sesshomaru came through the door and found Lazuli asleep on the sofa. He didn't want to wake her up, so found a spare blanket and draped it round her shoulders.

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Aw, come on, I had to have just a teency bit of fluff, and I hope this makes up for the rubbish last chapter. Review please!

Shadowxwolf


	14. Sesshomaru Goes To An Ice Rink

Thanks go to ox0Inuyasha-and-Kagome0xo for the idea for this chapter, and I couldn't resist writing it. Don't expect another chapter for a while though.

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Come on! It'll be fun!' Kagome insisted. 'And when it shuts down we won't be able to go for another whole year!'

'I don't see why we have to go to this particular ice rink,' Inuyasha grumbled. 'It's not like it's a special occasion or nuthin'.'

'I personally think it would be an excellent idea,' Miroku sided with Kagome, as did Sango, because she had been addicted to ice skating ever since she saw an old movie of Torville and Dean at the Olympics.

So they were going to the ice rink.

* * *

'Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!' Rin shouted.

'What is it Rin? Is something wrong?' Sesshomaru asked worriedly.

'No, Lord Sesshomaru,' Rin replied. Sesshomaru noticed she was holding a flyer for something. Never a good sign. 'I was just wondering if we could go to the open ice rink this weekend, because it'll be too warm and they'll be dismantling it.' Rin's brimming eyes were so full of hope that Sesshomaru couldn't refuse. Besides, it would be a good idea to take Sarah on a second date. Contrary to Lazuli's opinion, she was actually very nice to be around. He could use this as a chance to let Sarah meet Jacken and Rin. Just in case though. . .

'Hello, Lazuli?'

'Oh, hello, Sesshy,' she replied. He had given up on trying to make her use his full name. 'What's up?'

'I was wondering if you were free on Saturday?'

'Nope, sorry, I'm going out all day Saturday,' she replied.

'Oh, ok.' He put the phone down. It looked like Sarah was meeting Rin and Jacken whether she wanted to or not.

So they were going to the ice rink.

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'Hey Cara, we still on for Saturday?' Lazuli checked.

'Yup, unless one of us dies or something.' Cara was always so positive about everything. The fact was, Rin had overheard Lazuli on the phone talking about going to the ice rink, and, fancying herself a matchmaker, had made sure Sesshomaru was going too, at the same time. All good in theory, but probably not that easy to pull off in real life. Lazuli was going with her friends from work and college, planning to a have (for once) a Sesshomaru free outing. Yeah, right.

So they were going to the ice rink.

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Lazuli, Cara, Jasper, Rio and Tzara arrived first, hired out skates, and sat putting them on, joking about how rubbish they all were. Lazuli gripped onto the wall for dear life as her feet seemed to escape her control. Cara, being a stalker of ice hockey players, was far more at home on the ice than her friend, so, after a slight wobble, she set off. Lazuli, along with Rio, who had never skated a day in his life, hugged the sides and fell over every five seconds or so. They were still laughing, and gripping onto each other for balance though.

Sesshomaru, Rin, Jacken and Sarah (unfortunately) arrived second. On the ice, all of the demon lord's natural grace and elegance was lost. He fell down more than a newborn lamb, which is a cute picture, but not very Sesshomaru-like. Rin took to ice skating like a natural, and only fell over once. Jacken fell over and cried. And Fell over and cried. And fell over and cried again. Then he stopped crying when he fell down because Sesshomaru threatened to beat him over the head with a sharp object. Sarah didn't approve of such violence and just clung to the sides for dear life.

Meanwhile, over the other side of the rink, Lazuli had noticed who had just come onto the ice. 'Hide me!' she squeaked, dodging behind Rio and making both of them hit the ground.

'Ow!' Rio complained. 'Why?' Lazuli pointed. 'Oh. Hey, Lazuli, you know how we're not at work?'

'Yeah?'

'Do we have to do what Sarah tells us to?'

'No. It would be a sick and twisted world ruled over by a cruel narrator if we did,' Lazuli replied. Oh, beloved irony; what a sick and twisted narrator I am.

'Yeah, but she might make it harder for us at work,' Rio said.

'Let's just avoid her,' Lazuli suggested impatiently, wobbling to her feet. She hauled Rio up after her and together they kept a wary eye on Sesshomaru and Sarah, trying not to be noticed. Unfortunately. . .

'Lazuli! Lazuli! Rin cried, speeding up to her. She hadn't worked out the brakes yet, though, and Lazuli couldn't get out of the way in time, so they ended up colliding and slamming into the ground, Lazuli still holding onto Rio and dragging him down with her. 'Oops, sorry,' Rin apologised, scrambling up.

Lazuli's cheeks were heating up. Everyone was looking at them, and she suddenly felt very conscious of gripping Rio's hand.

'Jesus, that one hurt,' he winced, testing each limb to make sure he wasn't paralysed. Lazuli rolled her eyes and hauled him upright.

'You're such a baby,' she muttered.

'I know,' he grinned back. 'So who's this little thing that seems to know you?'

'This is Rin. Rin, meet Rio,' Lazuli introduced.

'Is he your boyfriend?' Rin asked bluntly. Well, there was no point beating about the bush, was there. Rin meant business.

'I dunno, are you?' Lazuli asked. Momentarily stunned.

'If you like,' Rio shrugged. Then they both burst out laughing at some private joke that Rin didn't get.

'No, Rin, Rio is not my boyfriend.' Rin breathed an inside sigh of relief. At least it meant there was one less couple to break up for 'Operation Lazuli and Sesshomaru' (Jacken had come up with the name, so it wasn't very inventive).

Lazuli wanted to get away before things got awkward. Talk with 'Sesshomaru' and 'boyfriend' in the same sentence was a little overpowering. Luckily, at that almost exact moment, Kagome and co. traipsed onto the ice. Inuyasha was looking really grumpy – like tantrum imminent grumpy, and Miroku and Sango looked fed up.

'Oh no,' Lazuli murmured, glancing between demon brothers. Both had their swords, and neither would have not fought without them. Then the thought occurred to Lazuli that that thought had not made sense, but decided to ignore the fact. Let's move on.

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha hadn't seen each other yet, maybe because the hanyou was sulking and the demon lord was talking to Sarah about something or other. But it wouldn't be long. Kagome's eyes met Lazuli's from across the rink, but suddenly Lazuli was fed up of the entire situation. Sick of having to try and keep the brothers apart; sick of always failing and having to clean up the mess. She had already been fired from one job because of it. Well, no more. PMS really is a b.

'Come on Rio, let's get out of here.' By this time, the two dog demons had seen each other, and were bristling with fury.

'Sesshomaru!' Inuyasha hollered across the ice rink. People were clever enough to get out of the way. Sesshomaru had tensed and emanated cold like a glacier. A much more Sesshomaru-like image. He glared in a very Sesshomaru-like way too. Western showdown music started playing somewhere, and Sesshomaru flexed his fingers. His eye twitched.

Sarah spotted Lazuli and skated over as fast as she could possibly go. 'You have to stop this!' she cried hysterically.

'No I don't,' Lazuli shot back coolly. 'You're the girlfriend. You sort it out.'

'As your boss I'm telling you –'

'And I'm telling you I'm off the clock. See ya!' But Lazuli wasn't going to leave. She was going to stay and enjoy watching Sarah fluster about trying to cool the two demons down. Good luck to her. In retrospect, Lazuli supposed she should have brought popcorn.

It was funny up until the point when Tetsaiga was accidentally deflected by Tokijin and almost took her head off. Sesshomaru was there in a second.

'Are you all right?' he asked, his eyes brimming with concern.

'I will be in a minute,' Lazuli growled back. 'Give me that sword.' She marched back down to the ice rink with Tokijin clasped firmly in her hand. Inuyasha looked stumped, which wasn't too much of a stretch for him.

'Hey, err, what're you doing?' he asked, bewildered.

'I have had enough of this,' Lazuli growled, glaring at Sarah, who she now blamed for not being able to do anything. 'We're going to have a little contest now, and whoever wins it will be given as the winner for any future arguments between you, making redundant the need for brawling in public places.'

'I do not brawl!' Sesshomaru said indignantly.

'Shut it. I've had enough,' Lazuli snapped, giving him such a Sesshomaru-like glare that even the demon lord quailed. Inuyasha fainted briefly. The human holding a demon sword declared that there was to be an ice skating competition between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha, and that if either of them refused, she would clobber them with Tokijin. Understandably, they took this as a very real threat.

Sesshomaru went first. He had to dress up in sequins (which he detested) and performed loads of spins and a double axel, with perfect ease. Inuyasha then came out, slightly less unhappy about the sequins, and stumbled about a bit on the ice. It was clear who the winner was. But then Inuyasha accused his older brother of cheating, and Kagome and Lazuli got tired of the collateral damage they caused by contesting the results.

'Why don't I just text you whenever we go anywhere?' Kagome asked tiredly.

'Sure. Just let's get them out of here first. My bank balance can't take much more of this.'

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How many is that now? 14? Cool, we're doing well aren't we? Anyway, review please!

Shadowxwolf


	15. Sesshomaru Goes To The Park

WOOT! I've actually stuck with this story long enough to make it to 15 chapters! And I couldn't have done it without all my faithful reviewers - you know who you are! I'm knackered at the minute, so I don't expect this one to be a literary marvel.

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Saturdays were nice. Sesshomaru had nothing to do, so he could do what he wanted. On this particular Saturday, he decided it would be an idea to go to the park and lounge around and read a book or something. Nothing would go wrong. For once he would have a stress free, accident-free day. Yeah right.

Jacken got very excited when he heard the word 'park'. He span round in circles and jumped up and down and ran around with his leash in his mouth going 'ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy!' until Sesshomaru got so irritated he knocked the imp into a wall. Rin was far more sensible. They suggested they take a picnic. Sesshomaru thought this was a good idea. Jacken was still too concussed to have an opinion.

So they went to the park. It was sunny today, despite it still being only the beginning of March, and the grass was green at least, if nothing else was. They found a nice spot with a shady tree, and Sesshomaru leaned against it while he watched Rin and Jacken playing Frisbee. Rather, he watched Rin playing, he watched Jacken being hit in the head and other vital areas a lot. They seemed to be having fun. Rin was anyway.

Sesshomaru's phone rang. It was the Torchwood theme, which Lazuli had somehow put there. He hadn't like Torchwood since the moment Lazuli had first suggested Jack would think of him as 'eye candy', but, being quite rubbish with computers, and technology in general, he hadn't been able to remove said ringtone. It was Sarah.

'Hey,' he greeted.

'Hey,' she replied. 'I was wondering what you were doing today? Anything interesting?'

'I'm in the park with Rin and Jacken,' Sesshomaru informed her. 'Why don't you join us? We have a picnic.'

'Sounds great. I'll be there in half an hour. Love you.' And she put the phone down.

While he had been talking, Rin and Jacken had retreated to a corner, and were whispering covertly to one another. When asked by Sesshomaru what they were doing, Rin replied innocently that they were trying to find buried treasure, while kicking Jacken in the shin. Better he was hopping around in pain than telling Sesshomaru what they were really up to: Operation Lazuli and Sesshomaru, or, O.L.A.S now, because Rin had thought the other name too obvious. It was really not Jacken's day.

They got back to planning. Their most recent campaign was to somehow sabotage Sarah, so that Sesshomaru could see how great Lazuli was and go out with her instead. Such methods included

Chip pan fires which set Sarah's head on fire

High cliffs which Sarah 'tripped' off and fell to her death

Sarah being tricked into letting Jacken watch Jaws (last time this had happened, he hadn't gone near ANY water for over a month and had nearly died of dehydration)

Sarah making cookies, plastic explosives placed in the cookie dough which exploded when heated

Sarah getting seaweed in her hair – although this was just a scribble Rin had come up with when she was bored. Sarah's head was on fire at the same time.

Unfortunately, most of these scenarios required careful planning and exact execution, as well as large resources of money and connections to the criminal underground, which neither of them possessed. It was a problem. So, they decided to go to plan B. Spill food over her accidentally-on-purpose at the picnic. It could easily be disguised as an accident, and unless Sarah had patience of steel, she would lose her temper with Rin and Sesshomaru would lose his temper with her and see how great Lazuli was and go out with her. This plan couldn't fail. Unless Jacken got too heavily involved of course.

While they were plotting and scheming, a dog and its owner came jogging through the trees. The voice sounded familiar.

'Go on, fetch!' Lazuli hollered at the dog. It brought back a dilapidated looking tennis ball and teethed with it as if to say 'look what I got!' Lazuli tried to take it from the dog's mouth, but it danced away, and ran circles around her, always staying just out of reach. Finally, Lazuli stopped, hands on thighs. 'Mutt!' she shouted after the black Labrador. 'Go on then, have the bloody thing!' The dog lay down with a smug look on its face. And dogs can look smug.

'Lazuli!' Rin cried. Lazuli looked round at the sound of her name and so did Sesshomaru.

'Oh, hi Rin,' she called, grabbing the dog by the collar and snatching the ball away before he could react. She threw it and the dog raced away, oblivious to everything else. Rin was focussed on Lazuli – her plan was going better already. Jacken was nursing a foot that he had stubbed on a rock somewhere, and Sesshomaru was walking gracefully over from his rest by the tree. It was the first time he had moved all morning.

The dog came back and sat panting at Lazuli's side, the ball still in his mouth, looking awfully pleased with himself.

'Who's a good boy?' Lazuli crooned, ruffling his ears fondly. 'Gimme that ball. Drop. Drop it.' But the Labrador stubbornly held on to it. She just shook her head and stroked it a bit more. At that moment, Sesshomaru felt a surge of jealousy, not that he would ever admit he was envying a Labrador of all things.

'Hey, Lazuli,' he greeted. 'I never knew you had a dog.'

'I don't. This is Gecko, a friend's dog. I'm looking after him.'

'Gecko?'

'He's a weird friend,' Lazuli protested. She thought it was a cool name. Sesshomaru promptly felt another surge of jealousy and lashed out at the nearest malleable thing – which was Jacken, again.

Gecko whined loudly, wanting his ball thrown.

'Can I throw it?' Rin asked, fascinated, as all small children are, with animals. She picked up the ball, but dropped it again. 'It's all slimy!' she protested.

'Then wipe it on the grass.'

Soon there was much fun to be had. Rin loved throwing the ball for Gecko, and he loved catching it and bringing it back. Jacken was sniffing around in the bushes for a stick or something to chew, and Lazuli was watching, happy that she could relax. That Labrador needed a lot of exercise. Sesshomaru stubbornly went back to his book, much to Rin's consternation. This pattern was only interrupted by Jacken running, screaming from a butterfly, and someone else walking their dog. Gecko didn't like other dogs.

Soon they all came and plonked themselves down in the shade of the tree, too worn out to continue for a while. Jacken was still being chased by butterflies.

Another dog walked by. Gecko growled at it, but the poodle just turned its nose in the air and huffed away.

'You know, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli began conversationally, because she was bored, 'I think I see a family resemblance with you and that dog.' Immediately the demon lord glared at her in a very Sesshomaru-like way. 'OK, maybe not,' she amended.

Gecko was bored too. He decided he wanted to sleep with a pillow, so squeezed his way between Lazuli's legs and curled up there. Sesshomaru was glaring sidelong at the dog now, finding it unfortunate that Lazuli would probably notice if he used Tokijin on it. It was laughing at him. He could tell these things, being a dog-demon lord.

A sound woke it up. Sarah was marching across a patch of grass to where the five of them lounged in the shade. It barked and raced away before Lazuli could stop it, bounding up at Sarah and barking. Sarah screamed and yelled for help. Jacken and Rin were on the floor laughing, and Lazuli was only half-heartedly trying to recall the dog.

'No, bad dog, stop, down, heel,' she commanded in a lazy monotone. Sesshomaru scowled at her. 'Oh _fine,_' she said impatiently. She whistled and the dog returned immediately to her side. 'Good boy,' she praised, and gave it a biscuit.

'You should keep that animal of yours under better control, Lazuli,' Sarah sniffed. 'You're lucky I don't sack you right now.'

'You can't sac me for something out of hours, Sarah,' Lazuli retorted. She wasn't usually bitchy, but being around Sarah, she just couldn't help herself. 'If you did, I'd sue you for misconduct.' She stared down her enemy, but the haughty Sarah had the trump card. She strode up to Sesshomaru (on tiptoes, because she was really short) and planted a big wet one on him. It was hard to tell whether he enjoyed or reviled it. But that was it for Lazuli. 'Either way, I'd better go. I have things to do, places to go. See you later Rin, Jacken, Sesshy.'

Sesshomaru scowled after her retreating back, but was hauled to the present when Sarah politely asked about the picnic.

It was almost painful to see how hard Sarah was trying to hold in her anger. Rin had so far managed to spill juice, water, jam and butter onto her blouse, had flicked a grape skin at her surreptitiously, and had requested her ham be cut up for her. Jacken didn't have to try to spill anything, he was just clumsy and did it anyway. Sesshomaru was quietly fuming, his eye twitching, and Sarah was trying to stay pleasant. There were a lot of flies trying to get at the spilled jam though.

'I'm so sorry about this Sarah,' Sesshomaru apologised. 'You handled it very well, I'm impressed. Why don't you come back to mine and you can change,' he suggested. Rin was listening in dismayed. This plan wasn't working at all! Things were going from bad to worse.

There was some good news though. On Monday at work, Lazuli was working behind the counter and saw Sarah come in. Her face was puffy and red. It was worth the icy glares she received and the careful tiptoeing around her boss to know that Sarah was, in fact, allergic to dogs.

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Review as always!

Shadowxwolf


	16. Sesshomaru's Little Demons

No fixed plot fo this chapter because I had too many little threads drifting about in my head for that. So here are some short stories to placate you instead. Hehe have fun! Kudos to JessicaDog Demon for the Four Wheeler, to Thatcher for reminding me about Jacken watching Jaws, White Haired Teen for the animal control. If anyone else has any ideas, I'd be happy to takea look and maybe make a chapter out of them. Don't expect anything for a while though - homework backlog has to be placated, and I have GCSEs in about 2 months...eep!

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**Sesshomaru vs. The Labyrinth**

Jacken had been annoyed at Rin all day. First she had poked him, then stolen his cereal, then found the super special secret toy inside the cereal, then had giggled a lot when he put his trousers on the wrong way round, then told on him to Sesshomaru when he only 'borrowed' her colouring book, then laughed when Sesshomaru had kicked him down the stairs, then 'borrowed' her colouring book back so he couldn't finish his picture.

Lazuli came round at about seven, because Sesshomaru and Sarah were going out to some restaurant or other (operation OLAS had not yet worked), and Jacken was even in worse a mood than before because Rin kept on beating him at chess. Lazuli was just impressed that Rin could play chess. She put on Jacken and Rin's favourite movie, Labyrinth, to quell the tension. Jacken liked it because of all the goblins because they looked like imps, and Rin liked Sarah and the big hairy thing called Ludo. She thought he was sweet and reminded her of Sesshomaru – scary on the outside, kind-hearted on the inside. Lazuli laughed at the comparison, but told Rin not to mention it to the demon lord in person.

Halfway through the night, Rin was somehow blamed for setting Jacken's head on fire, and while Lazuli rushed to the kitchen to find water, Jacken bellowed out

'I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now!' Rin disappeared with a quiet pop. 'Oh, hey, wow, it worked!' Jacken said delightedly. Lazuli put him out and asked where Rin had gone.

'I can answer that,' a voice said. A tall blonde man stood in the doorway to Sesshomaru's living room, brushing glitter off his cloak and half-armour. He took out a crystal and started twirling it in his fingers. 'Rin has been taken to my castle.'

Jacken squeaked and hid behind Lazuli's legs, making her become instantly suspicious of him. In the meantime, there were more pressing matters. 'Are you Jareth?' she asked the goblin king. 'Or are you just some weirdo dressed like him?'

Jareth looked at her indignantly. 'I am Jareth, King of the Underground, Lord of the Labyrinth, Master of Magic, Ruler of –'

'Yeah, ok, I get it,' Lazuli cut him off. 'What exactly are you doing here?'

The goblin king grinned maliciously. 'That goblin of yours –'

'I'm an imp!' the goblin protested indignantly.

'- wished Rin away,' Jareth continued, as if without interruption. 'I had to take her, and now he has to get her back.' He examined the back of his purple gloves nonchalantly while Lazuli took time out to glare at Jacken. The imp cowered. If there was one thing worse than Lord Sesshomaru, it was Lazuli with PMS when she was in a bad mood. Which she was at this particular moment. Not that Jacken can spell PMS.

'So let me get this straight,' Lazuli surmised. 'You want this thing here to find Rin at the centre of your labyrinth when he can't even find his socks in a morning?'

'Yes,' said Jareth.

'Right. Wait here, and don't sneak out while I'm gone. I need to make a phone call.' So she went out and phoned Sesshomaru and told him hurriedly what was happening.

When Sesshomaru came storming into the house, Jareth, who had been relaxing on the sofa with a cup of tea, sprang up so he could look impressive. Sesshomaru drew Tokijin and Jareth pulled forth a crystal ball, and Lazuli put her head in her hands at the male need to settle things with testosterone fuelled violence, saying they could work this out diplomatically. It is a sad day when Lazuli has to play diplomat, because she's crap at it.

So, eventually, they worked out that Jacken had to run the labyrinth, because it was the rules, but, because he wasn't human, and because he was almost as incompetent as Jareth's own goblins, Lazuli could go with him. Sesshomaru wasn't happy, but what could he do?

* * *

**A Demon Wanting Orange Juice**

Ryokotse was pouring himself a glass of orange juice when Lazuli walked in.

'Hello!' the big demon. . .thing said enthusiastically. Lazuli yelled 'Who the hell are you?' which brought Sesshomaru running.

'Did you scare my babysitter?' he asked in a very Sesshomaru-like way.

'He almost gave me a heart attack!' Lazuli quipped, clutching her chest and leaning against the kitchen counter.

Sesshomaru smiled evilly and Ryokotse balked as the demon lord raise Tokijin above his head.

'Wait!' Lazuli cried. The big bear wolf demon teddy bear whatever-it-was was sobbing puddles onto the kitchen floor.

'Lazuli,' Sesshomaru reasoned, 'this animal nearly made you die of fright.

Lazuli puffed up indignantly, with a glare on her face that made Sesshomaru cringe. 'It takes more than a thing to make me die of fright,' she said. 'Besides, it's so cute, and plushy, and kinda pathetic. Let's put it back in the wild so it can run free!'

'Are you feeling all right?' Sesshomaru asked, totally weirded out.

'I'm high, I just had caffeine and sugar,' she informed him merrily, proceeding to do an Irish jig round the room.

'Right. . .' the demon lord said slowly, watching his mad babysitter. 'Well, lesser demon with which I do not wish to associate myself, I guess you can go.' H looked severely disappointed by that.

* * *

**Sesshomaru On A Four-Wheeler**

Jacken decided he wanted to go quad-biking for his birthday. He invited Lazuli as part of operation OLAS, and Sesshomaru brought Sarah along, to 'bond' with the imp and his ward. Rin took to quad-biking like a fish to fried batter, and zoomed about happily on the quad-bike course. She even managed to spray Sarah with a bit of mud; she hadn't meant to, but congratulated herself all the same. After that, Sarah decided she was better off watching than joining in.

At first Sesshomaru's quad wouldn't start, because he had pressed down on the wrong pedal. When a technician came and told him it was fine, he revved too hard, and the bike went shooting off without him. He landed in mud and got sprayed on the front by Jacken, who was going past at the time.

Not to be discouraged, the demon lord got up and tried again, with quite a crowd: Sarah, Lazuli, Rin, the technician who wasn't paid to laugh, Ah, Un, and a random kid's party who had just turned up. Sesshomaru had got the quad going all right, and was zooming around the course, when a shadow appeared in the sky above. Something swooped down and plucked the mechanical machine out from under Sesshomaru so he fell in the mud again. And before anyone could stop him, Ah-Un had eaten the quad bike.

* * *

**On Boyfriends, Birds And Bees**

Rin came home from school flushed and excited for no apparent reason. She was often excited for no apparent reason, so Sesshomaru took no notice.

'She's got a boyfriend called Darren,' Lazuli remarked calmly, sipping at her blackcurrant juice like she was discussing the weather.

'What!?' Sesshomaru exclaimed. 'How did you know that?'

'She's flushed; she's even bouncier than usual, if that were possible; and she has "Darren" inscribed into the back of her hand inside a little heart,' Lazuli explained in that infuriatingly calm manner. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed as he vowed to hunt down this 'Darren' and sharpen Tokijin on him. 'None of that, Sesshy, I know that look,' his babysitter warned. 'You need to talk to her. Besides, when they're this young, boyfriends only last for about a week.'

'What about?'

Lazuli rolled her eyes. 'You know. The Talk. You knew it would happen someday.' Dawning spread over Sesshomaru's face and he shook his head vigorously, saying Lazuli should do it. She excused herself by saying she needed to be at work in, like, five minutes.

So Sesshomaru made the long, arduous trek upstairs that felt like he was walking to the gallows. Rin was in her room playing music.

'Rin?'

'Yeah?'

'Lazuli tells me you have a boyfriend now.'

'So?'

'So, I need to talk to you about, umm. . .' the demon lord was getting flustered, something that was very funny and didn't happen very often. Rin decided to play innocent even though she knew a lot about this subject from lessons in school.

Sesshomaru scratched the back of his head nervously. 'You need to know about these things, Rin. You're growing up, and as that happens, your body will change.'

'Oh,' Rin said as if she had just had an epiphany, 'like when you become your true form?'

'Erm, no, not exactly,' Sesshomaru floundered. Rin watched for a while as the demon lord's cheeks got redder and redder and redder as he tried to explain puberty to the small child. Eventually, Rin decided she needed to do homework, and jumped up and said to Sesshomaru's now beetroot coloured face 'Thankyou Lord Sesshomaru, but we've already done all that in class.'

'What! Why didn't you tell me?' the demon lord demanded.

Rin shrugged. 'I thought it'd be fun to see your reaction,' she said.

'You've been spending far too much time with Lazuli,' Sesshomaru muttered grumpily.

* * *

**Back In The Labyrinth**

Lazuli had been walking for a while. She didn't know how long both because her watch wasn't set to Underground time, and because Jacken had been annoying her constantly. First, when she had found the right turn off to go straight to the castle, he had leaned against a wall and when she had gone to get him, a lever had switched, and the wall had disappeared. Then he had got it into his head that he knew which direction to go in and led them round in circles for half an hour. Then when he realised he was going in circles (Lazuli had to stand and wait for him to turn the corner), he had sat down and sobbed for another half an hour. Lazuli was getting fed up.

As such, she wasn't looking where she was going and fell straight into an oubliette. The Helping Hands caught her before she fell, though, and she stayed there, suspended for a while trying to recover from the shock.

'Hello there, can we help?' one of the hand-faces said. Lazuli felt slightly weird talking to disembodied arms, so she simply said 'Err, yes please, I'd like to go up.' So they lifted her up out of the hole. She could have sworn some of them groped her, but the sight of Jacken running round like a headless chicken put that out of mind.

From the safety of the castle, Jareth, Sesshomaru and Rin were watching their progress through one of the goblin king's crystal balls.

'Can't you get a HCD TV or something?' Sesshomaru complained.

'Have you ever tried getting an electrician in this country?' Jareth retorted. 'Besides, the goblins would destroy it in three seconds flat.'

'Well I know how that feels,' Sesshomaru sympathised, glad he only had to put up with one small, smelly, infuriating vassal. He couldn't imagine running a country of them.

They watched as Lazuli had to drag Jacken away from some of Jareth's most glittery cobwebs, then drag him through some doors with talking knockers because they terrified him and he wouldn't go near them, pry him off her leg as she walked through the fiery swamp, and kick him clean over the bog of eternal stench. Not that it would make much of a difference to the imp whether he missed or not.

Eventually came the ballroom scene, which Jareth always liked because he got to dress up and play with glitter. Sesshomaru was stuck watching the scene through that infernal crystal, and watched first with boredom as Lazuli had to pry Jacken away from the buffet table, then with eye twitching jealousy when she danced with the goblin king – and seemed to be enjoying herself. Rin saw this too and saw operation OLAS going down the drain.

Eventually though the two reach the castle, Lazuli covered in various bruises and Jacken practically unconscious because she had finally lost her temper and thumped him hard in a very Sesshomaru-like way. Rin raced over to Lazuli and wrapped her in a huge hug about the knees, which made her wobble dangerously on the spot.

'Well done,' Jareth said. 'You've defeated my labyrinth and now you all get to go home. Here's a cookie for you all.'

On the way home, Lazuli wondered aloud why Sesshomaru, if he had been in the castle all the time, hadn't come, rescued Rin and then got them all out of the labyrinth. Sesshomaru replied that he thought it would be good tonic for Jacken and good payback for all the times Lazuli had humiliated him in some way.

'You've been spending too much time around me,' she grumbled.

And finally some more. . .

* * *

**A Game Of Charades**

Rin was bored. She had learned about a really neat game recently, where you had to think of the title of a book or film or whatever, and then act it out without words. She thought it had the potential to be very funny.

Jacken went first. One word. A film. He opened and closed his arms, his fingers clamping together like. . .teeth.

'Jaws!' Rin cried. She got up and did one. It had five words. It was a film, a book, and a play.

'First word,' Sesshomaru said. 'The. Second word.' Rin made a very strange motion, like she was trying to float and be scary. 'Vampire?'

'Where?' cried Jacken in terror. Rin shook her head.

'Ghost?' Rin made it look like he almost got it, she was bursting to tell them. 'Ghost – err, ghoul, spook, phantom?' Rin made wild dancing and pointing motions with her fingers. So the second word was phantom. The next two words were 'of the', so Sesshomaru tried to put them together. 'The Phantom of the. . .Opera!' he concluded, as Rin nodded enthusiastically.

So Sesshomaru got up and did one. He thought about it for a while, but then implied it was a film with two words.

'First word,' Rin and Jacken intoned in unison. 'Two syllables. First syllable.' Sesshomaru made a strange flapping motion with his arms, like he was trying to fly. 'Bird? Dragon?' Rin guessed while the demon lord shook his head frustratedly. How hard could this be?

'Fish!' Jacken declared randomly. Sesshomaru paused in his act to look weirded out and Rin doubled up laughing.

Sesshomaru added a new action to the demonstration. He bared his teeth and added pointy fangs with his fingers in between flaps.

'Oh!' said Rin finally. 'Bat.' Sesshomaru nodded and went on to the second syllable. He indicated himself, growing ever more impatient as they didn't get it. 'Bat-demon, Bat-lord, Bat-dog,' Rin guessed. Sesshomaru looked affronted.

'Bat-man? Batman!' Jacken actually got a word right!

'Ok, so, second word.' Sesshomaru did a very strange thing with his hands. He pointed at one of them, then ran it along horizontally, still pointing at where it started. When they didn't get this, he rolled his eyes and impersonated a runner on the starting blocks. They still didn't get it, and he was fed up.

'It's Batman Begins, how could you not get that?' And he stalked off in a sulk.

* * *

**Sesshomaru And The Chinese Takeaway**

Occasionally Jacken couldn't be bothered to cook and Sesshomaru let him spend money on a takeaway. Once, he got a Chinese. However, as Rin and Jacken tucked into their rice and chow mein, the demon lord stood stoically by.

'What's wrong, Lord Sesshomaru?' asked Rin with a bit of noodle dangling on her chin. Sesshomaru sniffed proudly. As a Japanese demon lord, national pride forbade him from partaking in a Chinese meal. Besides, some of the meat smelled suspiciously like cat. . .

* * *

**Jacken Watches Jaws**

Sesshomaru had gone out on business, and Lazuli was away visiting some cousin or other, so Rin and Jacken were left all alone with Sarah. A perfect time to put operation OLAS into action. She asked Sarah to put Jaws on for her. Then made Jacken sit and watch it.

By the end of it, he was sobbing hysterically, and Sarah had no idea what to do. Unfortunately, Jacken was now terrified of any sort of water, which included his own tears. It was quite funny to see him crying at the same time as trying to run away from himself.

When Sesshomaru came in and saw the chaos caused, he and Sarah had their very first row. It was all going very well, just as Rin had planned, until the demon lord found out she had put Jaws on, and let Jacken watch it. Damn, Sarah was good. Now it was war. And it was personal.

* * *

**Animal Control**

'And this morning, local car owners were rejoicing as the huge two-headed monster that has been terrorising car parks was finally captured and put behind bars this morning,' the newsreader read. Lazuli ooked up from her Mini-Weatabix and called Sesshomaru.

Later that day...

'You don't even know what to feed him!' the demon lord raged. He couldn't evenswipe them with Tokijin because they had taken away his weapons upon entering the animal shelter.

'Calm down sir,' the secretary said, more than a little scared of Sesshomaru's Sesshomaru-like glare. 'I can assure you that your, err, animal, is getting the best treatment available.'

'What are you feeding him?' Sesshomaru demanded.

'Fish.'

'You can't give him fish!' Sesshomaru exploded. 'It makes him -' at that exact moment, a loud trumpeting sound rippled through the entire building, followed by a very nasty smell.Therewas no real need for Sesshomaru to finish his sentence.

It turned out that, as long as Sesshomaru signed a heap of forms and took Ah-Un to training once a week,h couldtake the car ravaging monster home. Sesshomaru had also promised to keeping locked up in the yard.

'Oh, don't look at me like that, you're lucky to be out at all,' the demon lord said irritably. It had actually cost money tobail the thing out.'You've been spending too much time around Rin.'

* * *

hehe, R&R! 


	17. Sesshomaru Goes To Camp

Props to this chapter go again to White Haired Teen, who is always so brilliant at giving me ideas. As usual, any suggestions are welcome, but I have decided that there are only going to be 25 chapters, because I feel this needs a proper ending. But until that sad day comes there's still plenty of fun to be had, so enjoy!

Oh, and I also revamped the Vets chapter, so it's actually good now.

* * *

Rin came bursting in, exuberant as usual, but this time clutching a letter. That didn't bode well. Sesshomaru would rather have forgotten the unfortunate incident with Jacken at the cake sale. He had gotten so possessive of the cookie stall that the police were forced to come and sedate him. And he had been so full that the demon lord had had to roll him out of the school hall. On the plus side, it had raised over one hundred and fifty pounds for charity. . .

'Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru! You'll never guess what!' Rin bubbled at the top of her voice.

'No, I don't suppose I will,' Sesshomaru muttered to himself. 'What is it Rin?'

'My class is going on a camping field trip, and I was wondering if I could go?' she asked in that way all small children had – a basic equivalent of 'if you don't let me, I'll scream and scream and scream'. Sesshomaru really had no choice but to let her.

'Of course you can go.'

'And there was another thing as well,' Rin said slowly. Sesshomaru knew he wasn't going to like this.

Sure enough, he didn't. Barely a month later, he was sat on a coach that was full of hyperactive nine year olds. He had of course, become an adult helper on the camping trip. There was one good thing though, Jacken wasn't coming. Hopefully this would be a nice, accident free weekend. They were going to a lake, where it was supposed to be calm and peaceful, and uneventful. Yeah right.

When they entered the camp, complete with signs that forbade any shouting, smoking, drinking splashing, unauthorised use of equipment, or wandering, one of the staff said he wasn't allowed to bring his swords into the camp, because for some reason she said they were a safety hazard. But, as Sesshomaru argued so eloquently, how else was he supposed to survive a weekend with a bunch of kids who regularly overdosed on sugar? The member of staff, who happened to look a lot like Jacken, was not pleased.

The kids were given the afternoon to settle in and get to know their way around. The other parents just stood around and chatted, but Sesshomaru didn't find it very stimulating, so instead he had a wander through the woods. It had been years since he'd been on his own like this, and he liked it. Of course, it began to rain, but he didn't mind. It was getting back to nature, which, so he was told, was what camping was all about. This might be pleasant after all. Then it rained harder. And then fog began to roll in off the water. Sesshomaru, owing to an excellent sense of direction, was unable to get lost, and so kept walking. It was when he passed the same tree three times that he began to wonder what was going on back at the camp.

'Ok, the coast is clear,' Rin hissed into her bag. A small, implike head popped out, followed by a small, implike body, smelling small and implike.

'It was a really tight fit in there,' Jacken squeaked as he finally exited with a small 'umph' and flopped onto the floor. Rin peered into her bag and groaned – Lord Sesshomaru's vassal had eaten all of her Haribos. Unable to resist Jacken's 'cute' face, she had caved in and agreed to take him with her in a bag to the camp. All she had to do was make sure Sesshomaru didn't find out.

The bell rang for dinnertime and all the kids filed in, Jacken dressed very peculiarly in a blonde wig and pink dress. Unfortunately there was a register, and it appeared that Jacken wasn't on it. This led to an inquiry with the staff, because they had no idea who 'she' was. Then one of them had the bright idea that the blonde hair was actually a wig. When the wig was removed, chaos reigned. The staff member tried to throttle Jacken while the caretaker stabbed at him with a broom. Jacken was screaming and the rest of the children were chanting 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' with all the enthusiasm that small children have for carnage. One of the boys, more adventurous than the rest, who also happened to be Rin's boyfriend that particular day, finally lobbed a ball of mashed potato at the 

member of staff that was trying to kill the 'oversized mutant bacterium'. This of course transformed into a massive food fight.

All the adults got involved, apart from Sesshomaru, who still hadn't quite gotten rid of the ice creams stains sustained from the 'Pizza Hut incident', and chose to remain outside (at least, that's what he said later, he was really still lost in the woods).

The next day, the fun really began. They made Sesshomaru put on one of the staff uniforms so he could 'participate more actively'. They put him in khaki coloured shirt and shorts, with knee high socks and walking boots, complete with misspelled nametag. The outfit was finished off by a baseball cap with the camp's logo on it. Needless to say Sesshomaru was not a happy bunny.

The first activity was a hike along very muddy trails, which led to a sheer rock face. One child slipped and grazed his knee on the way, and Sesshomaru, because he really didn't like the uniform, volunteered to get covered in mud and blood and carry the kid the rest of the way.

The problem was that 'Michel' was quite fond of being carried, and refused to walk until Sesshomaru threatened to leave him behind because he wasn't carrying him anymore. So, Michel had a tantrum instead, and Sesshomaru got put on remand for being mean.

Rin, meanwhile, was having a lot of fun doing archery. Jacken was there too, now disguised as the camp manager who looked a lot like him (she was tied up and gagged back at camp). Rin was very good. Jacken was. . .well, he was having a bit of trouble. He was too small and not strong enough to handle the bow, and his arms were too short to pull the string back very far. So, he had a brilliant idea. He walked toward the target and stuck the arrow into the bullseye by hand. By far the best score so far. He smiled to himself, at least he did until someone missed their target and the arrow hit him on the bottom. He flapped around squeaking for about ten minutes before they could catch him and get the arrow unstuck. Because of health and safety laws, the camp wasn't allowed to use pointy arrows because they were. . .well, pointy, so the arrows had to have suckers on the end of them. Jacken had overreacted slightly.

Jacken was banned from dinner that night, so Rin had to sneak him some sausages under her jumper. Sarah called Sesshomaru at about half-past eleven, when he had been in bed for a while and was asleep.

'Hi honey!' she said brightly. 'How's it going?' Sesshomaru suspected she had just had a large dose of caffeine.

'Not bad,' he replied. 'Tomorrow my group will be canoeing.'

'Aw,' she crooned down the phone. 'I think it's lovely that you're doing this. It's really sweet of you.'

'How're things where you are?' he asked, to change the subject, thinking that these children were about as sweet as Lazuli when he had to tell her he had 'accidentally' crashed her car into a cyclist because he had been peddling too slowly.

'Fabulous! Slightly boring, but the series finale of CSI was on last night, and I never expected _that _to happen! It was amazing!'

Sarah chatted like this for quite a while, and only stopped when Sesshomaru said he really had to go to sleep because he had to wake the kids up in the morning. So she said goodbye, told him again how sweet he was being, and put the phone down.

Barely an hour later, Michel came bursting into the demon lord's room crying 'Seshroma-u! Seshroma-u!' because that was what was written on Sesshomaru's nametag. The demon lord, woken suddenly, reached for the hockey stick next to his bed, which was there because Tokijin had been confiscated, and switched the light on just before he clobbered the small child over the head.

'What is it?' he asked impatiently.



'Seshroma-u, there's a moth in our room and it's _huge!_'

Seshroma-u followed Michel to his room, wondering why, when everyone was meant to be asleep, he had even noticed a moth in the room. Of course, he hadn't been informed about that age-old children's tradition: when away from home, party all night. This was like an activity filled sleepover for them.

The moth turned out to be both small and dead, and was also outside the room, caught in a spider's web. When Sesshomaru pointed this out, Michel and his roommate clutched each other and cried 'Spider!' Then, realising the camp helper was watching them strangely, jumped apart, looking everywhere but each other.

The next day, it rained. Again. The kids had great fun in the dragon boats, especially when they found out Sesshomaru had both never been in one before, and was strangely unnerved by the murky weeds emerging from the depths of the lake. He had heard stories on the news about how people drowned in lakes. He was not impressed when his charges started rocking the boat.

The camp manager, who was in the other boat and who at some point had become Sesshomaru's thirty-second mortal enemy – after Inuyasha, Naraku, the fifty odd Chinese cat demons, the drive-thru guy at KFC, the post-office and the head teacher at Rin's school who considered him 'dangerous and unstable' – suggested a race between the two boats. Sesshomaru was even less pleased. However, when he saw how competitive the children were, he urged them on, and when he saw they were losing, his sudden found respect for his boat crew and his hatred of the camp manager whose name he didn't actually know, found him using his poison whip to put a hole in their boat.

Sesshomaru's crew won the race, but the terrified kids on the other boat panicked, and, crying 'abandon ship!' leapt into the water and tried to climb into his. The boat capsized.

Sesshomaru spluttered to the surface, his hair drenched and green from the brackish water, a clump of pondweed crowning his head. The water was freezing. The kids were wailing and splashing each other in panic, none of them having realised that they were able to stand up because they were only ten feet from the shore and had been all along. They got the idea when the demon lord waded past them, a very Sesshomaru-like glare on his face. His lovely silver hair would probably never come clean again. The tick started in his cheek.

Somehow, Jacken managed to avoid Sesshomaru for the whole weekend, which was just as well, because his mood got gradually worse. On the coach back to the school, however, one of the boys, the one who was the mortal enemy of Rin's boyfriend on that particular day, decided it would be fun to use Jacken as a beach ball. So, accompanied by the children's screeching rendition of 'Barbie Girl', Jacken was punched from one seat to the next, until one person got over-zealous and whacked him all the way to the seat where Sesshomaru was staring tiredly out of the window.

Jacken cringed when he came out of his child induced concussion and saw his master staring at him. Sesshomaru just shook his head. 'Whatever.' And went back to staring out of the window.

Aw, poor Sesshomaru! Sometimes I do feel a teensy bit guilty for tormenting him like I do...but I get over it pretty quickly. I like reviews. Reviews make me happy. When I'm happy I write, so, logically, reviews equal chapters! Pretty please?


	18. Sesshomaru Goes To The Beach

Hey peoples! This chapter is being posted just to get it out of my hair - I have so man ideas chasing themselves around in my head that writing is amost impossible for me at the minute. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, and White Haired Teen gets the credit for the dream sequence.

* * *

Sarah had suggested a quiet walk on the beach, just the two of them – a nice, calm relaxing walk here absolutely nothing could go wrong. Then, on the night before the Saturday that Sesshomaru and Sarah were meant to go out, Rin had caught wind of the fiendish plot and demanded to go along too. In her opinion, if she could get in the way enough, Sarah would get annoyed and/or bored and would leave, and Sesshomaru would be suitably heartbroken for Lazuli to comfort him – at least, that was how things worked in soaps, which were obviously unfiltered and realistic documentaries on life.

Sarah though was exceedingly smart, and saw through this cunning counter-trap. Either that or she just wanted Rin and Jacken out of the way and was trying to be nice about it. So, as Rin stood defiantly before them in the living room, a child's equivalent of a Magistrate's court, Sarah suggested genteelly that Lazuli come too, and she take Rin and Jacken rock-pooling while they went for their walk. Rin immediately jumped at this, because she saw it as another chance to get her two favourite adults together, like they _so_ needed to be.

Unfortunately, Lazuli wasn't answering her phone, which was why, at ten o'clock the next morning, there was a loud knocking on her door.

* * *

Lazuli had been having a very strange dream. She found herself in a large space with lots of people. It looked like the opera theatre in the 2004 Phantom movie, only this one had a catwalk running down the middle. Rio was sitting next to her, and Cara on the other side. They were cheering. Something was about to happen. A sign over the stage said 'Beauty Pageant'.

Suddenly the music for 'I'm Too Sexy' started playing on a surround sound from somewhere, and the curtains of the catwalk opened to reveal Sesshomaru gliding down the aisle in full regalia, the spotlights gleaming off his hair, making it shimmer. All his armour was polished, and Tokijin and Tenseiga were strapped at his waist. He looked like a pedigree on Crufts as he paced, although it would be a debate as to what class of dog he was. Possibly a poodle. He stared haughtily around at the world, just like in real life, and pouted like a supermodel. When he got to where Lazuli was sitting, he turned, and met her gaze with his golden eyes. His eyes filled the dream, looking so elegant and sad. Was he trying to tell her something? And was that glitter on his cheeks? She was pretty sure it was.

His hand reached into his white robe and pulled out a blood red rose, spotted with crystalline dew. He regarded it for a second, and threw it into the crowd. Lazuli watched it arc over the heads of people she had never seen before, until a scaly hand, possibly belonging to a Slitheen (alien), caught it. Sesshomaru strutted to the end of the catwalk like one born to it, and Lazuli found herself wondering what he would look like in proper modelling clothes. As soon as this thought crossed her mind, it moulded into the reality and Sesshomaru was suddenly wearing a golden-green, tight-fitting pencil dress with an outrageous collar and ten inch heels. He wobbled precariously from his lofty position, apparently bemused by what had just happened. 'I'm Too Sexy' cut out immediately.

Striding out of the curtains a second later was Jareth, the Goblin King, in his full military regalia of black, complete with gleaming enamelled armour, cape, and about half of ILM's glitter budget for the entire decade. 'I'm A Barbie Girl' by Aqua started playing. He made it swirl round him in a sort of glitter sandstorm effect that was really very dramatic. Lazuli whooped and cheered along with the rest. The Goblin King swaggered over to where Sesshomaru was standing, now back in his 'normal' clothes, because he had at some point threatened Lazuli with death if she didn't change them back. Suddenly the Goblin King had white ears pointing out of his fantastic blonde mullet.

'Sesshomaru!' he called. 'I challenge you to a duel! You have minced too long in my presence, and so must pay the price! Nobody upstages my use of glitter!' He drew one of his crystal balls out of thin air, making it dance over his arms in such a way that even the great demon lord found himself entranced.

'Pretty. . .' he muttered, stretching his arm forward as if to reach for it. Suddenly he shook himself and came to, regaining his dignity.

'I do not mince,' he glared. 'I am daiyoukai Sesshomaru of the Western lands, and I accept your challenge.' He drew Tokijin with very Sesshomaru-like evil smile on his face. Minced did he?

At the same time Jareth brought the crystal up to his face, ready to cast his spell, a very Jareth-like smirk on his lips.

This was gonna be good. . .

And then sleep was interrupted by a large and unrelenting banging coming from somewhere.

Lazuli sat bolt upright, unable to see because of the large mass of tangled hair knotted about her head and her eyelids refused to open properly. She had been drinking the night before. Quite heavily. And now she had a killer hangover. And whoever was knocking on her front door was going to DIE. And the dog was barking. Great.

'Get back, Gecko,' she sighed, shrugging on a leather jacket that served for a dressing gown. 'Get back – and SHUT UP!' She grabbed hold of the dog's collar as she pulled open the door with the other hand. The fact that it was Sesshomaru standing outside did nothing for her mood.

'What time do you call this?' she demanded.

'Ten o'clock,' Sesshomaru replied drily, aware of the fine line he was walking. Lazuli was not a morning person.

'Is it? Oh.' The dog was barking again. 'Shut up! Sorry, I've got a headache.'

'Were you out last night?' Sarah asked disapprovingly.

'Oh, not you – wait, did I say that out loud?' Rin giggled as Lazuli yawned widely and messed up her hair even more. 'Is there any particular reason why you're here?'

'We were wondering if you wanted to go to the beach with us,' Rin piped up, looking hopeful. Somewhere in Lazuli's confused and hungover brain the idea stuck. She said it would be cool, as long as she could have caffeine and industrial strength painkillers to keep her going.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, Lazuli was driving Ah-un to the nearest beach, because Sesshomaru had decided to sit in the back with Sarah. She wasn't driving very straight, but she was still doing a better job than the demon lord usually did. Gecko had come with them, and was so absolutely terrified of air travel that he had fallen asleep on Lazuli's lap, something Sesshomaru was quietly seething about. Gecko was actually there because Lazuli had swapped shifts with Stan so she could go to Cara's birthday party, and in return, had promised to work an extra shift and take care of the Labrador while Stan went to see his mother for the weekend. Lazuli thought she had pulled the shorter straw.

The beach was brilliant. It was sandy, with rock-pools; it was low tide and there was nobody else in sight. It was decided that Ah-Un could come with them and have some fun.

Fortunately for Sesshomaru, and rather unfortunately for the purposes of comic relief, he went for a walk in the opposite direction to his ward and vassal, so it wasn't very interesting and there were no funny accidents to report. So, for this chapter, Sesshomaru doesn't feature much.

Ah-Un seemed to like Gecko a lot, and they played chase together, the black Labrador hurtling down to the sea and the big dragon-two-headed-creature-thing lolloping after it. Gecko loved the water, and splashed right in after a stick Lazuli had thrown. It was more like a branch really. Ah-Un however, didn't like the water. It was scared of the way the water actually _moved _and so ran away squealing.

Gecko was still galloping everywhere. But have you ever noticed that dogs don't seem to have control over breaking? He ran flat out towards Lazuli, who stayed perfectly still because she thought the dog was going to run past her. No such luck, they collided with such a force that the human half of the tangle was bowled over.

'Lizard!' she cursed exasperatedly. Gecko just sat panting happily beside her. At that moment, Ah-Un picked up the dog's discarded stick, and, because dogs are very much like small children in that they want what other people have, Gecko raced over to the giant thing and started dancing round it, barking incessantly. Ah-un lazily held the branch out of the dog's reach, enjoying the attention. Suddenly the Labrador leaped and the next second he was hanging by his jaws from the stick, three feet in the air.

Lazuli shook her head. 'Come on Rin, let's go see the rock-pools. Jacken! Come on!' she shouted at the imp, who was just ass scared of the waves as Ah-Un, but had failed to see that to escape, he had to run in a_ straight line_. He was just going round in circles.

The rock-pools were really cool and were covered with some sort of green seaweed-y stuff that was really slippery when it got wet. Of course it was Jacken who slipped first.

'Oooh, look Master Jacken!' Rin squealed excitedly. She had seen lots of little fish things swimming when Jacken had smashed into the water. Jacken saw them and squeaked, scrambling back up onto dry rock to escape. Needless to say he was very careful after that, and didn't step in even the smallest puddle of water.

Rin was having a great time; she had found a fish in one of the pools and shouted for Lazuli. She came and deftly scooped up the fish in her hands. It was long and thin and wriggled and looked like a strand of seaweed. Lazuli told her it was camouflage, and that this fish was called a pipefish.

'Can we keep it and show Lord Sesshomaru?' she asked.

'No, we'd better let him go back and hide himself from the seagulls.' Rin was disappointed but knew Lazuli was right, especially when she said Rin could tell Sesshomaru about it later and draw him a picture.

Jacken had eventually overcome his fear when he saw the girls having so much fun. Maybe he could find a pipefish to show Lazuli too. Instead, he managed to find the only live crab in the pools, and it had snapped him on the nose. He ran round screaming, slipping on wet rocks and sinking in quicksand. Gecko thought it was a great game, and was chasing him, making it worse by snapping playfully at his heels. Lazuli saw Jacken rush past her and grabbed his collar, yanking him to a stop. She gently pried the crab off the imp's nose, apologising as he whimpered in pain. The crab whipped its claws around and snapped them closed on Lazuli's finger.

'Bollocks!' she shouted, forgetting temporarily that 'bollocks' was one of the words she wasn't allowed to say around small children. Jacken reached for his Staff of Two Heads.

'Don't worry, Lady Lazuli, I'll get it off!' he said, brandishing the staff.

Lazuli's eyes widened. 'No! Jacken, stop!' But it was too late. The staff had already been activated and it had released a blast of fire that had incinerated the crab and burned Lazuli's arm up to the elbow. The echo of the smack resounded around the beach and could be heard by Sesshomaru at the other end. He had seen the burst of fire and guessed that Jacken had done something to _really_ upset his babysitter.

'Maybe we should go back now,' he suggested to Sarah. There was also the small matter of sand in his shoes because he had refused to take them off, and was regretting his decision. It really was quite uncomfortable. But, since he was a demon lord, he didn't change his mind because that would be admitting he had made a mistake.

The scene he found was enough to make him knock Jacken unconscious. Lazuli was holding her hand in the water of the rock pools to cool her hand down, fighting against the pain the salt caused the raw flesh, while Rin looked for Ah-Un among the rocks where he had hidden from the moving water. The dog was sitting next to his mistress, whining in sympathetic pain.

'Let me see it,' he said gently, after he had dealt with his vassal. Lazuli gasped as she took it gingerly out of the water.

Rin had managed to find the giant two-headed dragon and told him to come quickly because Lazuli was in trouble. Ah-Un beat back his fears because he liked Lazuli; she gave him cookies when Sesshomaru wasn't looking. He let the demon lord take the first aid kit out of one of his saddlebags and sat whining quietly next to Gecko, his heads drooping with worry.

Sesshomaru took out the strangest first aid kit Lazuli had ever seen. Nothing was marked with a green cross and there were a lot of bandages that looked suspiciously like leaves that had been stitched together. She wondered if it was truly sanitary. The demon lord squeezed a tube of some minty smelling salve onto Lazuli's hand, working with a quiet efficiency that surprised the babysitter. He explained that he had had to learn because of the accidents Rin got herself into, and the countless times Jacken had accidentally set things on fire.

He rubbed the salve into Lazuli's hand, feeling the muscles relax as the pain faded. 'It should be good as new in a week or so,' he informed as he bandaged it up carefully.

'Thanks.'

Sarah was as furious as Rin was happy. All of Sesshomaru's attention had gone, once again, on Lazuli. It was almost as if some divine power wanted the two of them to end up together. . .

Yes I know, plot bunnies. I thought I had gotten rid of them in the last chapter, but this week they seem to be back intent on revenge. Oh well. Reviews are nice - and does anyone actually like Sarah?


	19. Sesshomaru Goes Camping

It seems I lie a lot. There aren't going to be 25 chapters, because I have recently discovered that this story now hates me. I can't think of good, long chapters. So, after much deliberation, I have decided that there are only going to be two more, to take it up to a nice round number of twenty. But I'm going to be nice and upload both at once because I can't bear to leave a cliffhanger. This is an almost two-part ending. Enjoy!

Oh yes, and thaks to the person (sorry, I've misplaced the email so can't remember your username) who pointed out that I've been spelling Jaken's name wrong.

* * *

Sarah had gone off to visit a cousin or something for the weekend. The cousin or something lived in Hull, so nobody really wanted to go with her. This made everyone happy. Sarah was glad because she didn't like the taste of all the anti-histamines she had to take just to be around Sesshomaru; Rin and Jaken got a Sarah-free weekend in which Operation OLAS could continue unhindered; Lazuli thought of yet another cunning plot to annoy Sesshomaru; Sesshomaru. . .well, few people can ever tell whether Sesshomaru is happy or not.

They decided to go camping. Well, Lazuli thought of it, Rin exploded with happiness at the idea, but that's normal, Sesshomaru finally decided that it might be fun, after being assured it wasn't a holiday (there was packing involved and he was remembering the Dubai incident), and Jaken couldn't think of an opinion. Either way they piled loads of camping gear into the cramped boot of Lazuli's Renault and were on the way to Scotland for the weekend.

When they got to the campsite, it was raining. The one thing that they hadn't been able to fit in the car was an umbrella, so, naturally, Jaken had to get out and put the tent up. This was an excellent plan save for the fact that he couldn't read English, and it was debatable whether he could read diagrams either. The other three watched him struggle for half an hour as the weather got gradually wetter and wetter, an at first it was highly amusing, especially when he banged one of the tent poles into a nearby power line and electrocuted himself.

'Maybe we should give him a hand?' Lazuli suggested eventually, watching the imp with growing boredom. There was a group of kids from the Scouts or something who had arrived, put up their tents and were now cooking dinner on tiny stoves. That and jeering at the imp.

Eventually a prim woman with an umbrella and a large dog waltzed over from where the kids were camping. She must be their assessor. Jaken squeaked and hid behind the canvas. She started directing Jaken with a pointing finger, and Jaken, all too aware of the dog's sharp teeth, hastened to obey.

That was the final straw for Lazuli; this woman reminded her too much of the woman who had assessed her when she went camping for a training award thing for school. She had threatened to spit roast the dog when the woman made her get out of the tent in the pouring rain in only shorts and t-shirt to fix a tent there was nothing wrong with.

'Where are you going?' Sesshomaru asked when she opened the car door.

'I'm bored, and I don't like that woman, and I don't want to sleep in the car tonight,' she replied, before going off to fix the woman with a very Sesshomaru-like glare and tell her to mind her own business. The woman happened to be the exact same person that had almost given Lazuli hypothermia, and she wondered absently if Sesshomaru would let borrow Tokijin, just for a few minutes.

The tent was now up in five minutes, without any more electrocutions. Then Lazuli told Jaken to get a move on and get all their stuff into the tent, because she was extremely wet. Her clothes clung to her skin and her hair was plastered down. At least Jaken had a bright yellow raincoat over his clothes. He looked like a fish cleverly disguised as a fisherman.

Finally, everything they needed was in the tent. Sesshomaru, who hated getting wet, got gingerly out of the car. He hit Jaken for good measure before using him as an umbrella and followed the girls into the tent.

The rain passed during the night, and everyone woke to glorious sunshine. It was a large tent with separate sleeping areas – Rin and Lazuli shared one, Sesshomaru got one to himself, because he was Lord Sesshomaru, and Jaken had to sleep in the bit in the middle because he fidgeted and because he smelled really bad when wet.

Lazuli and Rin decided to go and explore, dragging Sesshomaru with them (literally), which left Jaken to cook breakfast. There had been a long conversation about just how close they dared put him to the tent, and it had been decided that 100 metres away was fine.

'So, what do we want to do today?' Lazuli asked as they went down to the lakeside.

'Horse-riding!' Rin cried immediately. She had seen a pony trekking centre on the way in. Sesshomaru was slightly dubious about horse-riding, but there was no chance of backing out because both Lazuli and Rin were getting very excited about it.

So, after breakfast, they made their way to the trekking centre. First their riding skill had to be assessed before they could go out. It turned out that Lazuli had been riding for years, so she got put on the centre's biggest (and most difficult) horse, a black Hanovarian called Demon, which was a less than comforting name. Rin was told she had natural talent and was put on a sweet palomino mare called Sugar, who she fell in love with instantly, as small children are apt to do. Jaken was too scared to go near any of the horses, because the first one tried to eat him, and the next stood on his foot, and the next snorted with impatience because he was standing for so long wondering if it was worth trying to get on. A very Sesshomaru-like glare from Sesshomaru told him that it was. So, Jaken mounted. And fell off the other side. Into a pile of what the horse had done earlier. He was put on a Shetland that was trying to eat his feet.

Then came Sesshomaru's turn. He quickly decided that horse-riding wasn't a sport he would take up. For a start, the horse was scared of his demon scent, and wouldn't do as it was told. Then the horse started trotting. It had a very bouncy trot, and. . .well, enough said. After five minutes Sesshomaru knew he had had enough and decided to gracefully bow out and say that Jaken could not be trusted on a horse and needed somebody to keep an eye on him. It was a white lie that saved his pride from everyone but Lazuli, who was laughing uncontrollably into her horse's mane. She seemed to know just how bruised he was, and where.

Jaken by this time had started to like riding, and wouldn't stop complaining until Sesshomaru almost knocked him out. Then he miserably said goodbye to the Shetland (Polo) who was still surreptitiously trying to eat him. They watched the girls (Lazuli still chuckling) ride off into the woods, wondering if they would ever be seen again. Sesshomaru decided that they should go fishing instead.

This was a bad idea. They rented the equipment, which Jaken somehow managed to get tangled up in, and then went out on the loch in a boat. Jaken was busy trying to pronounce loch right. And then he remembered a song about a loch that he had heard from somewhere, and started singing it, humming loudly when there was a word he didn't remember. Which happened quite a lot. The demon lord's eye started twitching, because, remembering what had happened at the kids' camp, was slightly nervous and didn't dare render Jaken unconscious. It had taken a week to get all the dirt and slime and fish out of his hair.

They tried many different kinds of bait: worms, small fish, peanut butter, crackers, fish food, pringles and Jaken, to name a few, but the fish weren't biting. Jaken had the bright idea to lean over the side and look into the water to try and catch them with the Staff of Two Heads. The boat tipped ominously and Sesshomaru grabbed the sides to try and keep it balanced, his expression mortified, his knuckles white. Then Jaken fell in.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rin and Lazuli were having a great time riding through the woods. The instructor was a nice woman, and all three of them chatted about everything. They had walked and trotted a bit, and Lazuli was finding it easier to ride Western on her horse.

'He's got a tender mouth, see? He prefers the pressure on his neck to people jagging at his mouth.'

'We're coming up to an open bit,' the instructor said. She often got bored with beginner rides because there was nothing to do. 'Do you feel up to a canter Rin?'

'Yeah!'

The instructor failed to mention that Demon rarely liked cantering with other horses, and that he probably wouldn't move once he saw the open terrain. But Lazuli had a neat trick that she had learned off her old riding instructor, who was brilliant. She turned the horse round and round in tight circles before letting him shoot off after Rin and the instructor. Demon actually liked running, but only with people he liked.

Rin and Lazuli came back to the campsite flushed and laughing. They had had a great time. Sesshomaru and Jaken were already waiting by the tent. Sesshomaru was literally dripping with water, and Jaken was unconscious with a suspicious lump growing out of his head.

'What happened to you?' Lazuli asked, bemused.

'We went fishing. Jaken fell in, then managed to tip the boat,' Sesshomaru answered stiffly.

'Aw, poor bairn,' Lazuli said with sympathy.

'What did you just call me?'

'Nothing.' Sesshomaru was better off not knowing, for Lazuli's sake.

In the afternoon they decided to just go for a walk. Lazuli would have loved to see Sesshomaru on water skis, but gave up realising you couldn't have everything. It rained again, but luckily the trees were dense enough to keep them partially dry. Sesshomaru felt sorry for the people that had seen going up onto the fells – they would be drenched. Actually, he didn't feel sorry, he felt vindictively amused. Rin felt sorry though. Nothing really happened apart from when Lazuli, whose geography teacher had been mental, got really excited about the features of glacial landscapes and tried explaining how striations were formed, going off on a tangent about how ridiculous the exam paper had been because it didn't have anything about glaciers on them. Only Jaken was listening, not that he understood a word.

By the time it got dark all the clouds had cleared away again, so they decided to have a fire and sit outside. Open flames weren't allowed in the campsite so they went down to the lake shores and sat on the pebbles.

'I think we should have some marshmallows or sausages or something,' Rin declared, whooping in delight as Jaken brought out a packet of ASDA marshmallows and a packet of sausages. Soon everyone (apart from a certain demon lord) was tucking in, Jaken having a bit of problem with his marshmallows because they kept on melting and sliding down his stick. Rin tried a marshmallow and a sausage together, partly because she was curious what it would taste like, partly because she was already high on marshmallowy goodness. Lazuli meanwhile was trying to get Sesshomaru to try a marshmallow.

'I don't like marshmallows,' he said flatly.

'How do you know if you've never tried them?' Lazuli insisted. 'Just one.'

'No.'

'You like cookies.'

'So?'

'These are just like cookies.' Sesshomaru just looked at her, and she shrugged and admitted defeat. But then she got an idea. 'I dare you,' she said, grinning wickedly.

Sesshomaru froze. He had never backed down from a dare in his life, his honour depended on it, and Lazuli seemed to know this. Scowling, he reluctantly took the stick with the toasted marshmallow and took a cautious bite. He was most annoyed to find he liked it, and even more irritated at the smug look on Lazuli's face. He would get her back for this.

He never did. Despite the sugar, Rin and Jaken soon got drowsy and fell asleep. Lazuli was looking at the stars while trying to stay awake. Sesshomaru had since become addicted to toasted marshmallows and was busy finishing off the packet. He was a lot tidier than his vassal, who had somehow managed to grow a white sticky beard within the last half an hour.

With a sigh Lazuli suddenly got up, declaring tiredly that she was going for a walk. The demon lord found her ten minutes later sitting with her chin resting on her knees, on the lake shore gazing out over the water. Stars were reflected in the surface of the loch, and the thin sliver of a new moon. He watched her from a distance, silently.

'I know you're there, Sesshy,' she murmured eventually, still looking at the water. She watched as he emerged like a ghost from the trees. No wonder people were afraid of him. Well, other people. 'Wow, you _are_ there. It would have been really embarrassing if I had said that and you weren't there. It would be like I was talking to myself.' She grinned at the thought.

'What are you doing out here?' Even Sesshomaru knew this was not normal human behaviour, and wondered suspiciously what she was up to.

'I like the night. No people,' came the reply. 'It's easier to listen to the world.' There was a pause and a light breeze swept through to cover the silence. 'Can you skip stones?' Lazuli asked suddenly.

'What?'

'You know, when you throw stones at the water and they bounce. I can't do it.'

Sesshomaru surveyed the woman before him, a confusing mix of profound serenity and childish buoyancy, before stooping down and plucking a flat, round stone from the beach. 'Like this?' he asked, flinging the stone casually out onto the loch where it bounced at least twelve times before disappearing below the water. He almost smirked at the expression on Lazuli's face.

'Show off.'

Sesshomaru picked up another stone. He had forgotten how much he liked skipping stones. It was addictive, just like the marshmallows. Soon Lazuli, copying him, started to get the hang of it, and the demon lord found himself starting to coach her on her technique. A tiny part of his dignified demon brain was wondering what the hell he was doing, and why he was willingly getting dirt under his wonderfully manicured nails. He then found he didn't care, because he was enjoying himself. Yes, Sesshomaru was having fun doing something that didn't involve trying to kill his half brother.

Too soon all the suitable stones on the beach were used up and it was too dark to search for more. Lazuli was laughing uncontrollably at something random but the sound gradually faded away as the ripples on the water became still once more. She seemed mesmerised by the tiny waves lapping up onto the pebbles. A faint smile still hovered round her lips.

'I could never do that before,' she said to Sesshomaru, who was just behind her. She turned to thank him and found him so close she jumped back slightly in surprise. Needless to say her heart rate started jumping. How did he move so fast? Whatever, he was way too close. And it seemed he was slowly getting closer. Panic swamped Lazuli's brain and she could only stand there numbly, thinking what she could do.

Sesshomaru didn't really know what he what he was doing. One minute he was just standing behind Lazuli, the next he was reacting to seeing her eyes reflecting the starlight. He was leaning in. What the hell?

The spell snapped as Lazuli turned away, heart tripping wildly in her chest. Reluctantly she moved away. 'Thankyou for teaching me,' she murmured.

Sesshomaru was numb as he watched Lazuli step away into the trees. For once he was dumbfounded and ruffled; two things that never happened to him. Trying desperately to regain his demonic composure, he decided against chasing Lazuli. He would wait at the campfire.

Rin stirred. Beside her Jaken was turning in his sleep and mumbling something about blueberry tarts (he didn't want to play volleyball with them), so she ignored him and sat up. Sesshomaru was staring into the embers, his face unreadable.

'Go back to sleep Rin,' he said, not looking up.

Everything seemed back to normal the next day, though nobody had actually slept in the tent the night before. Rin watched with amusement as Lazuli and Jaken packed away the tent, the imp being hit on the head quite harshly because he accidentally hit Lazuli with one of the poles. She staked him to the ground with one of the tent pegs so she could get the job done without the imp's 'help'. Jaken sat and sulked.

Soon enough everything was packed up into the back of the tiny car, with Rin and Jaken squashed in under sleeping bags and other luggage.

'Maybe I should drive,' Sesshomaru suggested.

Lazuli stroked the bonnet of the car fondly. 'There is no way in hell I'm letting you near Juanita,' she said.

'You named your car?'

'Yup.'

Sesshomaru decided to ignore this. 'Are you sure you're not too tired to drive?'

Lazuli looked up sharply. 'I'm not tired,' she protested. 'I'm just –' whatever she was was interrupted by a huge yawn, so, grumbling, she reluctantly threw the keys at Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru is good at many things, but catching isn't one of them. The keys fell in a patch of mud at his feet and splattered dirt all over the bottom of his white, pristine (apart from ice cream stains) clothes. 'One condition: you're paying the damages.'

Other campers, including the woman who Lazuli hated, watched the car pull away jerkily, Sesshomaru stalled it three times before they reached the gate. The car's owner ducked down below the window to hide her face and deny any involvement. It was a good feeling though when Sesshomaru jolted over a muddy puddle and splashed the horrid woman up to the waist with thick sludge. The demon lord seemed to be enjoying himself well enough. She decided to ignore the fact that she could quite probably be killed at any second by bad driving and started playing Inuyasha Top Trumps with Rin instead. Jaken was lost under a pile of camping equipment so didn't join in.

When they reached home Ah-Un was waiting for them, wagging its tail so happily that it put several large dents in next-door's Mercedes. Sesshomaru didn't like next door so didn't mind too much. He did mind though when Ah-Un started licking his face. Rin squealed when she saw the big two-headed-dragon-monster-thing-whatsit,and Ah-Un, seeing the females that fed it cookies when Sesshomaru wasn't looking, went crazy once more. Jaken was still stuck under a pile of gear, forgotten temporarily.

Sarah was also lurking in wait, back early from seeing her cousin or something from Hull. Lazuli was now edging away slightly. 'I'm going to go, I think,' she excused herself. 'I was meant to be at work this weekend. Besides, I'll have to get his junk back to my dad before he thinks I've been snatched by the Beast of Bodmin Moor – never mind that we went to Scotland, not Bodmin Moor.' She grinned. 'Ciao everyone! Get out of my car Jaken,' she added. The imp hastily scuttled away as Lazuli revved the engine. She absent-mindedly wondered if she could run over Sarah, who had by now constricted Sesshomaru's neck, and make it look like an accident while avoiding the demon lord. It was very tempting. Maybe she could just stab her at work or poison her with cyanide laced peanut brittle or set Gecko on her or something. She could hide her anti-histamines! Now that would be funny.

These soothing images in mind, she pulled away from the house, unaware of a pair of demon eyes following her.

* * *

Yeah, so, yeah...plot bunnies. Blame them. I hate them. Next chapter is slightly more angsty and stuff, but reviews are nice, and I would love it if I got more than 100 for this story...pretty please?

By the way, for those of you who don't know, bairn means baby in Northern English dialects


	20. Sesshomaru And The End Of The Story

This happens to be the longest chapter for any story I've written, so apologies to all who think it's a bit tedious. There was just so much to cram in! It gets angsty towards the middle, so not the usual material for this fic. But there's just been too much UST up til now to avoid it. I hope you enjoy!

And apologies for all the football (soccer) references, I have no idea why thy're there. I think only Geordies are going to get the Mackem-Magpie jokes though...

* * *

The twins were coming over for a sleepover. Rin was overjoyed. Jaken, remembering the box they had trapped him in at Christmas, hurriedly tried to remove every box-shaped object in the house, and even tried to disguise the kitchen sink as a donkey and remove the oven. Then Sesshomaru hit him and he stopped doing it. Sesshomaru himself was probably the most nervous of all, because he was worried that Toby and Daniel's energy levels combined with Rin's hyperactivity and Jaken's neurosis would spell disaster for his priceless antiques. And Lazuli was coming over and she was bound to give them sugar, which would make the problem ten times worse. It was a strict condition that Rin slept I different rooms to the twins.

There was a ring at the doorbell. They were here. Sesshomaru sighed resignedly as Toby and Daniel burst into the house, said a brief 'yo!' to the demon lord, and went to find Jaken in order to terrorise him. Lazuli followed slightly more sedately, thundering at them not to break anything. Her exact words were 'if you break anything I'll skin you myself and leave your corpses for the crows'. Sesshomaru didn't have the slightest doubt that she would actually follow through with the threat, but wondered exactly where the wording had come from.

'Hey, Sesshy,' she smiled. 'Sorry we're late. They refused to get in the car without their rubber hammers.'

Things had been slightly awkward between them ever since they had been camping. She was still the same person, and still called him Sesshy, which really wasn't that annoying if he thought about it, but she kept a careful three feet and two inches of air, or a piece of heavy furniture, between them when they talked, and she never looked him in the eye anymore. It was slightly annoying because he was used to girls literally falling at his feet. That was mostly out of fear though, so he supposed it didn't really count.

Lazuli had brought food, he noticed.

'There is food in the kitchen, you know,' he said a little sourly.

'I can't read Japanese,' was the simple answer. It was true. Every single tin and packet of food in Sesshomaru's kitchen was in Japanese. Lazuli had tried to figure out what a packet of something that looked like seaweed said once, but after realising that she didn't know if the little pictures were words or just letters she gave up. Besides, she was halfway through learning Welsh at the time.

She checked her watch. 'You're going to be late,' she said. Sarah hadn't shut up about this date for about two weeks; Sesshomaru was going to meet Sarah's friends and their boyfriends in a kind of multi-date that could get out of hand very quickly, since half of Sarah's friends were sleeping with other people's boyfriends and vice versa. It was only sporting to warn him they were all bitches.

* * *

'Right, you hooligans!' she roared when Sesshomaru left. 'I've seen more civilised behaviour at a Sunderland-Newcastle football riot!' All three children, plus Jaken, who was already being chased with the purple blow up hammers, froze. Rin wondered why she was being compared to a Mackem or Magpie, when she clearly supported Middlesbrough. Suitably chastised, they stood to attention as Lazuli told them that she was going to cook dinner and asked them what they wanted to do while she was busy doing that.

'Let's watch Labyrinth!' Rin suggested immediately. It was her favourite movie. The twins started snickering.

'Don't worry, it's not you, Rin,' Daniel said. 'Lazuli fancies Jareth.'

'I _do not_!' Lazuli exploded, but the blush now creeping across her face said differently. Rin was dismayed. OLAS was going down the drain.

'Dan, how could you say such a thing?' Toby scolded. 'You know she fancies Sesshomaru.' Rin's hope was restored as the colour drained from Lazuli's face. The joking smile disappeared She fixed her younger brother with a death glare that was so Sesshomaru-like he actually cringed. 'Or not,' he amended, fearing just what his sister would do to him.

So Lazuli made nachos while the kids watched Labyrinth and Toby silently feared for his life.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was being introduced to Mike, Sheila, Jordan, Vince and Toni. They all wore perfume or aftershave of some sort, and the combined smell was too much on his delicate nose. It made him dizzy. They were in a fancy fish restaurant that had one of those tanks of lobsters that you could choose to eat. Sesshomaru had never really seen the point of that. But nor could he really see the point of Sarah's friends, who were squealing slightly when one of the lobsters moved, as if scared by the invertebrates that could only survive in water and were behind half an inch of glass. At least Sarah was being sensible.

One thing about Sesshomaru was that he stood out in a crowd. His lovely, long, silky, soft, shiny, fantastic silver hair that he loved almost more than his fluff attracted people's attention. Sarah's friends asked him what shampoo he used, and Sesshomaru tried to explain that he didn't need to wash his hair because he was a demon lord and demon lords don't need to wash their hair. Unfortunately, Sarah's friends stopped listening at the 'doesn't wash his hair' part and gave him strange looks. This could turn into a really long night.

Then the starters came. Since the incident where he swallowed the chilli, Sesshomaru had stayed clear of anything spicy. He didn't realise Buffalo wings were spicy. The thing about the particular Buffalo wings at that restaurant was that the spice only came after the meat was swallowed, and, to save face because he was a demon lord who was supposed to be able to handle anything, he sat there for the next ten minutes trying to repress his twitching eye while discreetly rolling ice cubes around his mouth to cool it down. He didn't say a word.

'Is something wrong, honey?' Sarah asked. Sesshomaru could only shake his head and blink away the chilli induced tears from his eyes.

* * *

Rin, Toby, Daniel and Jaken were enjoying their nachos. Lazuli really was a good cook, even if she wouldn't admit it. They were wondering what they would do after dinner. Scrabble was out, because Jaken had eaten half the letters thinking they were mint imperials; monopoly would take too long; Rin always beat everyone at chess so nobody wanted to play that; there was nothing on TV, and nobody had any other ideas than that. Then suddenly Toby thought of something.

'What about a karaoke?' he suggested. 'We could use your iPod, sis, and plug it into the speakers, and sing into a hairbrush or something.'

Lazuli was slightly worried about where that idea had come from, especially the bit about the hairbrush, but it was a good idea, so she went with the flow.

'Good idea. I'll make popcorn, you guys get everything set up. But never call me sis again.' She passed them her mp3 player, warning them that if they did anything to hurt her precious they would be _very _sorry.

Five minutes later everyone was congregated in the front room, with a huge bowl of popcorn, watching Toby and Daniel scrolling through Lazuli's songs, deciding which one to perform. Lazuli got a horrible sense of foreboding when Daniel whispered 'that one!' with an evil grin on his face. Toby nodded emphatically and clicked the song on. Lazuli recognised it immediately: it was Marilyn Manson's cover of _This Is Halloween_ from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Why had she agreed to this again?

The twins closed the curtains during the intro, plunging the room into semi-blackness. Jaken squeaked slightly.

_Boys and girls of every age  
__Wouldn't you like to see something strange?_

Toby sang the first two lines, looking sinister as he chanted into the hairbrush. Daniel snatched it off him to sing the next bit.

_Come with us and you will see  
__This, our town of Halloween._

They really did do the creepy actions well, and when they got to the chorus, they disappeared. Jaken was already terrified.

_This is Halloween  
__This is Halloween  
__Pumpkins scream in the dead of night._

The twins had snuck round the back of the imp's chair and were looming over him, their hands curved like claws and snarls on their faces as they chanted. Jaken screamed and covered his hands with his eyes. Or his eyes with his hands. One can never tell with Jaken.

_I am the one hiding under your bed,  
__Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red._

Great, now Jaken wouldn't be able to get to sleep.

_I am the one hiding under your stairs,  
__Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair._

Or climb the stairs. Lazuli wondered if she should stop this before it got out of control, but she still hadn't forgiven Sesshomaru's vassal for burning her hand at the beach, so she let it continue. Toby was singing now.

_Round that corner,  
__Hiding in the trash can,  
__Something's waiting there to pounce  
__And now you scream!_

Jaken let out a huge shriek. Daniel had been crawling his hand up the imp's shoulder, like a spider, and when he turned round had hissed 'boo' in his ear. Lazuli promised to let Jaken go next and ordered the twins to stop bothering him. Toby looked especially downhearted at that.

Jacken decided to sing _Barbie Girl_ by Aqua, because that was the song he had heard on the way back from the kids' camp. Unfortunately, because Lazuli hated Aqua with a passion unless the songs were put to good use on Youtube for making fun of Goblin Kings and Demon Lords, she didn't have _Barbie Girl_ on her iPod. But Jaken wouldn't be deterred, so he sang it anyway, very badly, doing both Barbie and Ken's voices in exactly the same tone. And it didn't really work that he only knew about one third of the words, and so hummed most of the song.

Rin wanted a go next, and chose to sing _I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker With Flowers In My Hair_ because she thought it was catchy, but had no idea what a punk rocker was, or that there was no such thing a punk rocker who wore flowers in their hair. Which Lazuli had tried to explain in terms of oxymoron and metaphor to Cara, but it hadn't worked.

Rin was actually very good. Well, sort of. She kept in time, but didn't know what all of the words were, so made them up, and she couldn't quite reach the high notes. But for a nine year old, she was really good. The song finished. Daniel whooped and clapped loudly, making Rin blush. Lazuli wondered absently what Sesshomaru would think of her brother going out with his ward. There could be fireworks. She liked fireworks.

Her reverie was broken by everyone crowding around her, insisting it was her turn. There was no way she was getting out of it.

'But I don't know what to sing,' she insisted.

'What's your favourite song?' Rin asked.

'Something you're not listening to,' Lazuli said sternly. But, seeing as she would get no rest until she sung something, she got up and started to scroll through the list of songs.

* * *

'So you're a demon lord, are you?' Vince asked Sesshomaru conversationally. Out of them all, he was the one Sesshomaru thought he could get on with best. 'How does that pay?'

Sesshomaru had no idea what the guy was talking about. He said so.

'Well, it's a job isn't it? Like Jack Sparrow at Disneyland.'

Sesshomaru still had no idea what the guy was talking about, but Sarah had told him to be conversational, so he tried to think of an answer. Lazuli had told him that people at Disneyland dressed up as characters, and that Jack Sparrow –Captain Jack Sparrow – was a pirate, who, according to Lazuli, was 'hot'. He didn't like Jack Sparrow much.

'It is not a job, it's what I am,' he replied, looking Vince calmly in the eye. The guy was a sales manager for Comet Electricals.

'So what do you do for a living?' he pressed. That was a difficult question. Sesshomaru really wasn't good at this social interaction thing.

* * *

Lazuli chose _Magic Dance_ by David Bowie. She knew all the words and actions, because it was one of her favourite bits of Labyrinth. She would need Jaken's help if she was going to do it properly though. In hushed tones she told him what to do.

The music started.

'You remind me of the babe,' Lazuli said.

'What babe?' replied Jaken.

'Babe with the power.'

'What power?'

'Power of Voodoo.'

'Who do?'

'You do.'

'Do what?'

'Remind me of the babe.' Lazuli hadn't actually told the imp she would be throwing him in the air like in the movie, but Jaken was too unconscious to notice at that point.

'Told you she fancied Jareth,' Daniel sniggered. Lazuli scowled but otherwise ignored him, really enjoying herself once she got into the mood of the song. This hadn't been a bad idea after all.

* * *

Sesshomaru didn't eat much. The unpleasant surprise of the Buffalo wings had made him very cautious of the food. By the time the bill arrived, everyone apart from him was slightly tipsy, which meant they were ignoring him, which was fine by him. One of Sarah's friends, the one he thought was called Jordan, was starting to get a bit too friendly though, and was coming closer and closer no matter how much he edged away. The tick was going in his cheek again.

It was getting very late, way past Rin's supposed bedtime, but Lazuli was all for keeping alive the tradition of sleepovers that didn't actually involve sleep. The popcorn bowl had been refilled twice, and the karaoke night was going strong, with Daniel performing _We Will Rock You_, Toby doing _Welcome To The Jungle_, and Jacken having a go at several Shania Twain songs. Lazuli sat and watched, turning into a judge of the best songs. It got her out of actually singing anything.

'Come on, Lazuli, you've got to do another one!' Rin insisted, looking at Lazuli with the puppy dog eyes that didn't actually work on the babysitter.

'I've got nothing to sing.'

But Rin had an idea for that as well. 'We can put the iPod on shuffle and the first one it comes up with can be the one you sing.' There really was no way to get out of this, so Lazuli resigned herself to embarrassment. The song was _You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth_ by Meatloaf. A love song. Great, just what she needed. She let the duet at the beginning speak for itself, and came in with the music. At first everything went well, she reached the chorus with perfect ease -

_Oh you hold me so close that my knees grow weak  
__While my soul is riding high above the ground.  
__I'm trying to speak, but no matter what I do  
__I just can't seem to make any sound.  
__Then you took the words right out of my mouth  
__Oh, it must have been while you were kissing me,  
__You took the words right out of my mouth  
__Oh, and I swear it's true –_

And then Sesshomaru walked in.

Lazuli stopped singing as soon as she heard the door shut, looking up to see the demon lord staring at her. She froze completely, like a deer caught in headlights. Her face flushed bright crimson, something that never happened. She knew this was going to happen! The song was still playing, and she lunged for the mp3 player like her life depended on it.

Sarah was the first to break the silence. 'Well, what a talent for singing you seem to have Lazuli,' she said snidely. Lazuli changed in a nanosecond from extreme embarrassment to cool irritation.

'Unfortunately, Sarah,' Lazuli told her enemy, 'My talent is so great that there is no way I'll be appreciated in my own time.' She smiled coldly. 'Sorry they're still up, I lost track of time.'

But Sesshomaru was staring just as transfixed as Lazuli had been. They were thinking the same thing.

'Right, hooligans, time for bed,' Lazuli ordered to fill the silence. She quieted the protestations with a look. 'I never said sleep, just bed.'

The kids couldn't argue with that, although Daniel did grumble about being called a hooligan twice in one night – anyone could see he was a delinquent. Jaken herded them up the stairs with the Staff of Two Heads, making sure, under instruction of Lord Sesshomaru, that the twins stayed at least two feet away from Rin.

Lazuli went to get some water in the kitchen while Sesshomaru and Sarah said goodnight. It was dark in the kitchen. She leaned against the doorframe, looking out over the garden. She wasn't looking at it though, she was staring into space, deep in thought.

Until now, she had put what had happened in Scotland at the back of her mind, ignoring it. But she couldn't suppress it forever. What had happened in Scotland? She had almost kissed Sesshomaru, but had pulled away at the last second. Why? It was no secret she hated Sarah, so it wasn't to save her feelings; it wasn't like she hadn't wanted to either – she had often found herself wondering what it would be like to be kissed by a demon lord. She touched her lips gently, trying to imagine the feeling. So why hadn't she just let it happen? She decided it must be pride. Some ridiculous pride that feared she would become the other woman. It was below her honour.

But what if it happened again? There was no doubt it would, and that was what she was afraid of most, and she hated being afraid of anything. That look in his eyes when he walked in. . .

'Lazuli.' She jumped. He moved far too silently. She told him so, only half turning and refusing to look at him. 'Are you all right?'

'Yeah,' she lied. 'Fine. Just a bit tired. I should go home.' She drained the glass of water and put it on the sideboard.

'You could sleep here if you're tired, I don't mind,' Sesshomaru said gently. Why couldn't she just look at him?

'No, I can't. I've got stuff to do in the morning.' Their eyes met for the briefest second as she looked up. 'I'm sorry, I really should –' She never finished; she was moving out of the door before Sesshomaru could say or do anything, heading for the safety of her car. Escape.

The engine wasn't running. The keys weren't even in the ignition. Lazuli was curled up, tucked into herself in the driver's seat, trying to keep herself together. It hurt. It hurt so much. How could she not have seen this coming? It was ridiculous. And she was crying. One thing Lazuli never, ever did was cry, and here she was with tears streaming down her cheeks and matting her hair. She bit her lip to keep the sobs silent. This couldn't go on. There was no way she could see Sesshomaru again, or she would most likely break down. It was a horrifying prospect, and she wouldn't see Rin, Ah-Un or Jaken again, but she wasn't enough of a masochist to stay and torture herself.

The door of the car opened and Sesshomaru stood there, his face slightly drawn. 'We need to talk, Lazuli,' he said quietly, kneeling down beside her.

'Maybe tomorrow, Sesshomaru. I'm really tired now.'

'Then you shouldn't be driving.'

'I'll be fine.'

She still wasn't looking at him. If she couldn't see him he might not really exist. A pained expression shadowed his face for a second. 'You're crying.'

'No I'm not,' Lazuli answered stubbornly. Sesshomaru gently pried the car keys out of her fingers. His touch was soothing, though it didn't calm Lazuli down, since he was taking away her only means of escape.

'Lazuli, I –'

'Give me my keys, Sesshomaru,' Lazuli warned. She didn't want to be here; she had to get out.

'No. I'm sorry for what happened in Scotland, okay? Please, just tell me what's wrong.'

'Give me my keys.' Sesshomaru shook his head. 'Fine.' Lazuli stepped suddenly out of the car and started walking down the street.

'What are you doing?'

'Well, I've got to get home somehow, haven't I?' she snapped, not looking back. Fresh tears were falling now, making her voice choke. She could hear Sesshomaru following her.

'You can't walk home at night,' he said, catching up to her.

'Watch me.'

'This is my fault, isn't it?' Did he really have to ask? It was one moment of lost self control that he would never forgive himself for if he drove her away.

'There's nothing wrong.' Lazuli was adamant, but she had stopped walking now, and was trembling slightly. Sesshomaru came closer, as close as he had been on that night when he had almost kissed her.

'I am so sorry. Please just look at me.' There was a pleading note in his voice that was never there, and it made Lazuli stop for a second. Tears were still rolling silently down her face when she snapped round and glared defiantly at him. He could tell it was taking all her strength to stand her ground and not run. To see Lazuli so reduced because of something he had done was awful.

On impulse the demon lord reached forward and pulled her into a firm embrace. She resisted at first, but as Sesshomaru's arms closed around her shoulders, Lazuli relaxed into the hug. She broke down completely, sobbing into his shoulder no matter how hard she tried to stop and get a hold on her emotions. She was stronger than this! Sesshomaru let her cry, marvelling at how well her body seemed to fit his, and wondering why having her so close wasn't a problem, when usually he never touched anyone if he could help it.

Eventually she stopped crying. She had snuggled into his fur, seeking comfort from the soft warmth as the demon lord led her gently back towards the house. Lazuli followed like a lamb, too exhausted to know where she was.

'Go back to bed Rin,' Sesshomaru ordered when she came out into the hall to investigate.

* * *

Lazuli woke with a start in the middle of the night, not knowing where she was. This wasn't her room. As her eyes adjusted to the dark she could make out familiar shapes in the gloom. This was Sesshomaru's bedroom, and she was sleeping in his bed, fully clothed. But he was nowhere to be seen. For a second tears threatened once more but she shoved them away. There was nothing she could do about anything now, and crying wouldn't help. Sesshomaru's scent on the duvet cover was enough to send her collapsing back into sleep.

'You can't stay asleep forever, Lazuli, wake up.' The gentle voice was cajoling her out of sleep. But she didn't want to wake up.

'But this is such a good dream,' she protested, voice muffled by the covers pulled thickly around her head. Her eyes snapped open. Had she said that out loud? She hoped not. That would be embarrassing. And had that voice been in her head or was it real? She sat up. It was morning, sun was streaming in through the window.

And Sesshomaru was sitting cross-legged beside the bed, watching her softly.

'How did I end up here?' Lazuli wondered aloud. 'I don't remember walking.'

'You were tired,' Sesshomaru supplied. Then, cautiously, 'What do you remember?'

Lazuli blushed in answer as she remembered just how soft that fur really was, and the fact she had actually been _crying _into it. 'Sorry,' she mumbled, which was surprising. 'I never cry.'

'It's my fault. Will you tell me why you were so upset last night?'

Lazuli fell silent, twisting the sheets nervously in her fingers. 'I can't.'

'Is it because of Sarah?' She nodded. Did this mean what he thought it did? 'If we split up could you tell me?' Lazuli hesitated, and nodded slowly. What was he trying to say? 'Then I'll do it. Sarah and I are no longer a couple.'

'Just like that? But –'

'Sarah was a distraction.'

'From what?'

'The person I really wanted to be with.' Lazuli was about to retort but the words back at the last second when she realised what he had said. What the hell was going on? She was pretty sure it wasn't April 1st, and if somebody was playing a joke, heads were going to roll. Sesshomaru saw the bewildered stare and raised one corner of his mouth slightly. For Sesshomaru, that was like rolling on the floor laughing. 'I thought you didn't care,' he explained. 'At least, not like I did. Sarah was to try and get you out of my mind. Needless to say I failed miserably.'

'Are you serious?' Lazuli wanted to make one hundred percent sure, just in case. She blinked and his face was inches from hers, the closest he had ever been. She froze. She had been doing that a lot recently. A hand played with the bangs about her face.

'Yes,' Sesshomaru whispered. He smiled, actually smiled, and leaned forward and this time Lazuli didn't pull away. Who was she to let her arch-nemesis have all the fun?

It was a light kiss; their lips met gently, but it was a kiss of sealing, of finality, that brought events to a close and promised a whole future. Lazuli thought it would be very easy to get used to this sort of thing.

Of course, it was at that point that the twins, Jaken and Rin burst in. Rin was cheering, Jaken was shouting things like 'about time!' and Toby was boasting about how many hits he was going to get on Myspace for the photos he had taken on his phone. Lazuli and Sesshomaru looked at each other and found they didn't care, though Sesshomaru made a careful note to destroy the phone before the kid could load the pictures onto a computer.

'Sesshomaru, can you do me one tiny little favour?' Lazuli asked a while later.

'Anything.'

'Let me quit my job before you tell my boss you dumped her.'

Fin.

So, what did you think? I thought it could have been worse, and it defintely isn't like the other chapters. Please review, I like reviews a lot.

And yes, there will be a sequel, purely funny and without any plot bunnies whatsoever. I shall beat them back with a spade if they try and worm their way in!

Thankyou to everyone who has reviewed and enjoyed this story, and everyone who has put up with my worse chapters where inspiratio was thin on the ground. Hope y'all had a good time and I'll see you when the sequel, _Sesshomaru vs. Randomness_ comes to fanfiction (hopefully soon)!

Shadowxwolf


	21. EPILOGUE

The sequel to this story, Sesshomaru Vs Randomness, has now been published – well the first chapter anyway – and I would love people to go read it if they haven't already, because I've got no reviews! This makes me sad (sniffle)...

The link is here:

/s/4581358/1/SesshomaruVsRandomness


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